Three Is A Crowd

NO. Venus is not easily beaten with just a mere non-committal answer. Nope. I am not passing up an electric-flying (electricfying) chemistry which has been brewing nicely between Mars and I.

Neither will I ignore Han. He he.

I caught a glimpse of Han looking out of the bookstore when I was at the guardhouse of my apartment, after the episode at Starbucks with Mars, the day before. Our eyes met and we smiled. It's a different chemistry altogether with Han. Slow and predictable chemistry.

The chemistry with Mars is a fiery one. If I am not careful, I'll get burned. It's like acrobating on a fine thin lit wire. One misstep, I will fall. One misstep, my feet will burn. Racing pulse, quick thinking, surprises and more surprises. Damn!

"Venus!!! Come here!" damn, that is my boss calling out loud for me from her room. Why can't she use the intercom? I quickly sprint over to her room to find her looking angrily at me.

"Here! Did you proof read your own work!?" she fiercely throws the document to me.

Uh-oh. What now.

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DRAFT

"A very good evening to our company's honourable Chairman, Vice President, Deputy Vice President, the management, company's staff, ladies and gentlemen. We are here tonight to present to you, ladies & gentlemen, our latest collection. Our company's Chairman, who is a globally respected ASSHOLE and who constantly surprises us with generous LIARS, is a man who has high DAMN SHIT vision. Without him and his GEOMANCY, our company will not continue to stand BLOODY tall....."

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I close my opened wide mouth with my hand and yes, at this moment, for once, I have really huge eyes, I stand there looking horrificly at my draft. Oh, shit! I am in REAL hot soup! No! It was Mars and Han who got me into a hot soup. They won't leave my mind when I was drafting the speech. I tried to ask them to get out but they won't budged. The two of them were fighting for my attention. Stupid distraction!

"Venus, you want me to get FIRED, is it?" screams my boss and her saliva spurting everywhere on her table. Thank GOD, not a flying droplet reached me. I bet the bacteria had a fun time parachuting out like a superhero from her mouth.

Yeah, so that I can take over your position! I chuckle silently to my very own thoughts and the picture of me going behind her desk in killer suits and my CFM (an abbreviation for Come-Fuck-Me) shoes has got my mind do tap dancing. That would be a wonderful idea, boss.

"I am so sorry, BOSS! I'll go amend it now" embarrassingly I hurriedly rush out from her room. Then.

"Don't pick an asshole" my boss's advice echoes in her room calmly.

I stop my hurried footsteps and I turn to look at her quizzically.

"It's all over in your draft" she looks up from her old grandmother glasses and waves her hand directing me to get back to work (that's for shutting me up). Obediently, I did and clutched the document to my chest and still unsure how she knew.

"No more mistakes, Venus!" she shouts after me (Otherwise, she will skin me alive). That was her warning. Shivers! Shivers! Shivers!

As soon as I reach my cubicle, Xiao Sheng calls me out quietly from across and checks what was the fuss about. I show him my draft and Xiao Sheng lets out a donkey laugh, so loud that I had to throw an eraser at him.

Rani, my colleague who is married with three Do-Re-Mi sons, walks past and she too heard the earlier commotion. Out of curiousity, she parks herself at my cubicle to gossip. Her huge bosoms almost hit my head. I look at them as if I've just seen them for the first time. Just how did they become so big? I display my obvious question mark looks.

"My dear, just get them ready to be sucked. The big and small men, in my case" Rani winks at me and points to my boobs as she replies my question mark face.

Really? I look down at my perfect boobs and begin to wonder if I want them as big. Only if I want three kids. I just can't imagine but I'll keep in mind.

Xiao Sheng who overheard our conversation doesn't want to be left out. He tiptoes to my cubicle and finds a nice spot for his butts to rest – my desk. Groan. I must request for a cubicle as big as my boss's room! There's not enough room for all three of us! He cheekily hands the draft to Rani before I could grab it off from him. Rani lets out a hysterical laugh, drawing lots of attention than I could possibly handle.

"Xiao Sheng, don't you dare let out a silent killer fart on my desk, ok!!? I still remember very well when the last time his butts rested nicely at the edge of my workdesk – he let out a silent killer fart. I was so annoyed for one, the atomic-smelly-fart going around my cubicle and two, I had to sanitise my whole workdesk! Can you imagine the smelly toxic gas spreading quickly all over you too? The shit smell devilishly slides right up to your nasal and straight up to your brains. It stays there for a long time as if it tries to get into your system and mark some sort of 'REMEMBER ME!' territorially.

Xiao Sheng and Rani interrogated me for my daring act throughout our lunch. Not a smart move even if I have plans to quit my job was their concern. So, to clear the air that I am not leaving anytime soon as I am eyeing my boss's seat (just kidding!), I told them about Mars and Han.

When I finish, Xiao Sheng looks away smiling and Rani shakes her head.

Just then, my phone beeps to an incoming message.

[Han] "Hey, are you free for dinner tonight?"

Beeps!

[Mars] "Hi Venus! Free to catch up tonight?"

GOD, I couldn't breathe. Quick! Can someone give me CPR? Make it quick!

I stick out my tongue at both Rani and Xiao Sheng. No, no, they don't get offended at all for the rude display. Venus gets away with a lot of things because she is so damn cute.

"What?" Rani raises both her eyebrows.

Xiao Sheng gives me a ah-hah knowing looks.

"Han and Mars just asked me out for a date tonight" I don't know who to choose to go out with. Never in my life I get two guys, who simultaneously asked me to go out on a date, on one same night, until today. Wow. What an achievement, Venus! Sounds a lot like a threesome.

"So?" Rani can't wait to hear who I'll choose to go out with for a date. Whoever I choose will determine the winner to Venus's heart. Shit! My palms are nervously sweaty now with excitement.

Xiao Sheng hands me the cafe's serviette to wipe my hands and for a second, I was confused. Oh! For my sweaty palms. He is a gentleman who is attentive – that's my partner-in-crime at work.

"Hey, Xiao Sheng, you are also on some dating sites, right? Did Venus's profile pop-up?" Rani queries and hey, how come I didn't know about this. Why didn't he share this piece of information with me? Gggrrr! So much for partners-in-crime.

Our shy Xiao Sheng is blushing. How cute.

"Venus, answer Rani" Xiao Sheng quickly rubs off his shyness. He is as curious as Rani. Sly boy! He intends to change the subject so that he can avoid the attention by pushing it back to me.

"Ok. Here is my plan, guys. Why not you guys date them for me tonight? my cheeky clever idea.

Ok. They don't find it funny. They are not laughing. No loud donkey or hysterical laughters.

"Who would you choose if you were me?" it is easier to pass the ball back to them – I am smart. I'm not giving up either Mars or Han – I am getting smarter. Let them fight for me – I am the smartest!

"Han!" seems like Xiao Sheng likes a decent guy. I don't mean he is gay. He is straight. I didn't check but of course, I know for sure.

"Mars!" Rani raises her hand and shouts out loud for Mars. Hmmm...12 years of marriage and 3 kids must have got Rani wanting more out of her routine. Ha ha. No, Rani is very protective of her family.

"So, each of you can go on a date with your preferred guy" I laugh out loud on this. Gotcha, guys!

Shit. Who should I go on a date tonight?

"Sorry, babe. I have a date tonight" Xiao Sheng rejected my offer. What? My partner-in-crime is ditching me for another girl!? Bloody hell. Well, actually, I'm quite happy for him because he hasn't been in a relationship since we became colleagues two years ago. Decent and shy are best to describe Xiao Sheng. Not forgetting, a gentleman and any girl will love his sweet attentiveness – I fell for it too! He makes me my coffee during our teatime. He knows the exact temperature I want my cuppa. Not too cold, not too warm and just the right amount of steam hot from the machine that I can't quite drink it yet but manage to sip little-by-little, slightly burn my pouting hot lips pouting it further. Dear Xiao Sheng, you would make a good barista! Then, Rani reminded me that every coffee machine has the temperature pre-set and every cup of coffee made would be perfectly done. I went – "Oh".

"Tits sucking night, right?" before Rani could open her mouth to say anything, I helped her. Rani's youngest son is only 15 months old and she is still breastfeeding him. There, let's not get dirty minded. Shame on you.

"Remember to shag one of them tonight, ya!?" Rani yelled out loud when we parted our ways at the car park after work. I quickly went in inside my car and thankfully, my car is heavily tinted. Only then I steadily gave her a thumbs-up behind the steering wheels but she was already out of sight.