Chapter 23: “I guess god was trying to punish me.”

He wasn’t looking at me; he was still looking ahead, his pace slowed down as he tightly gripped my hand in his.

Truthfully, I had expected that bit of the news as he never seemed to mention about her and that fact only strengthened when I saw his little sister staying with Monica.

He had mentioned his dad once, when relaying one of his childhood memories. Apart from that the mention of his family was always skipped from every conversation we had until now.

“I was in the lobby waiting for my father to call me in, to meet my mom and my new born baby sister. What was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life turned into a nightmare. He told me about my mom’s death and that my baby sister had died too because of some complications caused while giving birth to her.”

Saying that I was confused would be an understatement. How could his sister be dead if I just met her? Did he have more than one sister?

I didn’t ask, scared if I interrupted him it would again cause him to give me the silent treatment.

“I know what you are thinking Scar- how is that possible when you just met her, right? Well my dad was a coward and a liar,” He let out a dark chuckle at the end which made me believe I wouldn’t like what he told me next.

The air around us had shifted. Even in the bright warm day, I felt a cold breeze forming goosebumps on my skin. I couldn’t look away from the side of his face. I couldn’t get a full look at his face but it seemed that it was perfectly schooled in an emotionless expression.

“His business wasn’t going too well at that time and after struggling for 4 years, he decided to end his life selfishly; to leave me alone and face all the problems on my own. Most of the savings and property was taken up by the bank to cover his pending loans. All I was left with was a couple hundred bucks from my mom’s savings and a letter from my father.”

By now every thought of Alex had left my brain as I stared at the face of the broken boy walking beside me, baring his soul out to me while trying to keep it altogether.

“It was an apology letter. He was apologizing for being a bad husband and an even worse father to Anna and me, as he confessed in that letter that my sister Anna was indeed alive back then and had been adopted by one of my father’s friends as he couldn’t afford to raise her on his own.”

I couldn’t believe the sorrows he had gone through as compared to mine; I should be ashamed of myself right now. My heart broke for that little child who mourned the death of his sister and mother while his father constantly lied to his face.

I can’t imagine the amount of betrayal he must have felt, all alone and nowhere to go.

“The letter had the address where Anna was living but I didn’t know how to face her. After many deliberating thoughts later and garnering all of my courage I decided to be part of my only family’s life.”

He paused for a second as if thinking his words through before continuing, “I was just a high school graduate then and didn’t know how to manage living alone and that too without a house. Monica and her husband Dan were the ones helping me all throughout then when I was probably at my lowest. Since then I have been trying to make a living of myself and collecting enough wealth to give my sister a decent life and to repay the Browns for all their help.”

Sighing he turned towards me and stopped, “Now you know why I trust people so little and why I am so inexperienced. I have carried this baggage of a sad past all my life and if it makes you want out then you are free to go Scarlet, I’ll never blame you for not getting involved in my messy life.”

Did he really just say that?

I don’t understand how can someone be so selfless, meek and yet strong all at the same time.

His eyebrows were scrunched together as his gaze roamed all over my face neglecting my eyes. He was nervous I could tell and obviously stressing on what my answer was going to be.

Without giving it a second thought, too overwhelmed by the revelations and the pained expression on his face, pulling him into a hug with my right arm I mumbled into his chest, “How can you even think that I would leave you after what you just told me.”

His heart was beating rapidly against my left palm as I proceeded to wrap it around him, trying to hug him tightly. I didn’t want to let go as I strained to soothe his pain and relay all my unspoken words through that warmth which mere words couldn’t have mustered.

I have forever lacked the power of soothing people in sad situations unless it’s someone I know really well. So, instead I choose to avoid these situations as much as possible and right now this was the only alternative I had in mind.

We stayed like that for what feels like an eternity but must have been not more than a minute.

“Okay okay. You can stop strangling me to death, I am fine now. It has been years since it happened,” He chuckled, back to his new playful self while he separated me from him. How did he manage to get back to normal was beyond my understanding!

I peered at his face to see that he was indeed smiling now, masking the pain that I know he must be feeling, for my sake. That look compelled me to return him a fake smile even when I was anything but happy.

I was sad and guilty, and this time, I couldn’t slide that feeling off.

After knowing about what he had been going through for most of his life how could I even think about hurting this guy?

He was almost unrealistically good. Even now after reliving all his dreadful past memories he was still worrying about me as he looked down at me through those watery innocent eyes.

I looked away to stop myself from blurting out something I wouldn’t want him to know, like, how getting him to trust me was an elaborate part of my plan.

I guess god was trying to punish me for every wrong deed I had ever done as I distractedly looked around to see, that we had reached the same oak tree, where apart from the many memories I had, the last one consisted of me breaking up with the guy I liked- almost loved.

I couldn’t bare it any more as all those memories echoed in my brain.

The guilt slowly started suppressing my thoughts and weighing my mind. It was a hurricane of emotions inside me and seeing that empty bench where I had usually spent my time kissing Alex was too much.

I realized I missed him too much and even after trying to ignore it I knew somewhere or the other I had been wrong in doing what I did- in becoming a monster I had never wanted to become.

I couldn’t go on with this.

It was time to end this stupid game, to save people from getting hurt and what better way to do that than to confess to this innocent victim exactly where it all had begun.

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Illustris ❤