Chapter 26: “Is it hurting too much?”

I like walking alone sometimes to free my mind of troubling thoughts and self-reflect on my actions.

That was exactly what I was doing right now as I roamed the garden area of our college. I rarely came to this side unless on days like these when I needed to introspect.

Sun rays shining through the trees caused shadows to dance around me. The earpods plugged in my ears had a song playing. Its slow beats instigated me to synchronize my steps with it, as I just flowed along with the music.

With the unknown music picking up beats I increased my pace along absentmindedly, leaving the paved pathway and following the trail into the trees.

Clicking my fingers along to the beats, I tapped my feet to the rhythm enjoying the solace. I closed my eyes and spread my arms out losing myself in the music and the heavenly lyrics that was so relatable.

Uncaring, I spun around in a circle once, enjoying the breeze blowing through my hair. It was a freeing feeling to just let go.

I was smiling after days. Not a fake smile, a natural happy one as I ignored every thought coming to my mind. Like a kid, I once again twisted my body in a spin when suddenly my foot got caught in something and my eyes flew open to see the bare sky above and instinctively shut close to brace myself for the impact.

My hand automatically reached out to the ground first to support my body and to soften the effect as I toppled down on my butt. It didn’t really hurt much except that now my palm is slightly bruised and throbbing from taking all the weight of my body.

I was still processing what happened when my hand was snatched into another’s.

I looked up only to be getting a greater shock of my life to be staring at the person in front of me.

He had a worried expression on his face as he blows on the bruised area while frantically asking me something.

The once delightful music seemed like noise in my ears right now as I strained to understand what he was trying to say. Taking my unattended hand, I removed the earpods from my ears and pushed it into my pockets to focus on what he was saying.

“Babe, are you alright? Is it hurting too much?” he asked staring at me expectantly.

I want to say something but it’s as if words refuse to come out of my mouth. So, I simply stare at him still trying to comprehend what is happening.

When he receives no answer from me, he simply resumes with the act of cleaning my bruise. Patting his jeans pocket for something he then takes out a pack of wet wipes and pulls out a few to wipe the dirt covered area.

Gently taking my hand again in his, he slowly and with great care wipes my wounds clean and the once throbbing in my hand is no longer felt there but has replaced its place and has started in my heart.

“Alex” I finally whisper catching his attention as he hurriedly looks up with his striking green eyes.

“Yes babe, I am here. Talk to me,” He says ever so softly as he brings my hands to his lips and kisses it.

I gasp at the touch as a warm feeling envelops my body.

“Shh. Calm down, it’s just me,” He says bringing his other hand up to my face and tenderly caresses my cheeks. His fingers move my hair away from my face behind my ear. His touch leaving a pleasing and comforting impact on me.

I felt relieved at its familiarity.

He leaned his forehead on mine, like he used to do on days when he was too exhausted and needed comfort. It caused a feeling to rise in me as it bubbled at the base of my stomach and made me giddy.

I realized that I felt happy.

I leaned into his cupped hands, unbelievingly and far away from reality.

“I missed you, kitten,” He says his voice just a mere whisper.

But those words struck me out of my daze.

My eyes widened as I scrambled away from his embrace forming a decent distance between us.

“What are you doing?” I asked, slightly embarrassed and immensely horrified at my previous actions.

He must think I am an easy girl now.

I am disgusted at the feelings I felt and the effect he still has on me.

The nickname which I loved to hear so much still arises those familiar feelings in me as it causes my heart to beat wildly, but now my brain tells me to hate it and to hate him.

But why does it feel so difficult to do that?

It’s usually said that absence makes the heart grow fonder and annoyingly it seems to have been applied in this case. The feelings I blocked away and refused to feel have only been returning back with more force each day since the time I went to the park.

“It’s the truth Scarlet,” he stated, seriously, while moving to take my hand in his which I dodged successfully.

His words are painful to listen. His voice ascends mixed emotions to run wildly in my head. I want to hug him and tell him that I miss him too while on the other hand, I want to laugh at his face and tell him that he has lost me forever.

“How dare you say that to me?” I seethed standing up and glaring at him. He looked sad and remorseful as he stood up to face me.

“Scarlet, I am sorry. Just listen to me, I regret-”

“I don’t want to listen to your lame excuses,” I cut him off effectively shutting him up.

None of my previous boyfriends ever came back to me, then why is he different? I didn’t even expect him to regret his decision, as far as I know he wasn’t one to second guess himself then why was he acting like this? Does he really miss me?

I don’t understand myself right now. Wasn’t the whole point of hurting boys to teach them a lesson? To show them how it feels to be used and left alone? And now that he has realized that what am I supposed to do welcome him back with open arms?

And why the fuck do I not like seeing him so sad?

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Illustris ❤