chapter 5

The thing about drugs is everyone has a reason to take it. Sitting in a room full of young people, dancing and smoking; drinking like there is no tomorrow will make our parents question if there really is a tomorrow.  They will think the countries greatness will stop with them and that our generation is a disgrace.

But when you are one of the young disappointments who do that, you will see what our parents can't see. That they had it the easiest although they talk about how they struggle.

Our parents sure had ups and downs, fought wars, and survived poverty. But they never understand the war this generation was going through. The emotional war, depression, and anxiety!

Back in the days, you kill your enemy physically and you won the war. Now, you kill your feelings and you became Numb. They used weapons then, we use drugs now.  Stronger and concentrated we take them every time it grows bigger.  We take them in daily that we reach a point when we take them to feel again.

I am on that point now. I am originally numb that I don't feel anything. No sadness, no depression, no pain, and no happiness. For those of you who wish to have that, it's not as cool as it looks.  What makes a human human is feelings. Even the worst painfully moments, make you feel alive and that keeps you going.

"Another one?" Edia raises her eyebrow as I pour another glass of tequila aka my loyal friend for years. I smiled at her and drink all of it in a single breath before she can take it away from me, now it was a party.

I turn around and stick my tongue out on her like a child. She stands up and came to me but Seth holds her hand.

"Leave her enjoy come on babe, it's a frat party after all," he said giving me another shot. Edia was not happy but who cares.

"Nah-huh I don't want to be the one who will carry her home, she is fucking heavy and I barely can hold myself today"

"Are you calling me fat?" I snapped. I know she doesn't want me drinking because she knows I have a problem. At high school, I used to drink until I blackout and wake up again and deal with the day or miss class and do it all again.

"That's it you two. Now come on let's dance" he led us to the dancing floor. We were at the frat house where there are parties every Friday and Saturday nights. Seth was one of the frat brothers and he NEVER misses a party there.

He even forces us to come every week. Edia will go happily being the party bitch she is. But I would rather spend that time with my small Natasha.

We went to the dancing floor and start dancing by "Amarula" Roberto.

"She don't get drunk easily, she can dance until 5 in the morning" I shake my body with the melody.  It feels like he was talking about me at high school. We went to the finest parties with Jordan and drink and dance until we are not capable of it, physically. It's funny how people change.

I drink a lot so I can feel the alcohol doing its job. I was free and I put my hand on the air and let myself feel what he was talking about.

"Let somebody go crazy…..

Things we do just you and I

Things we say you and I

Let the people say you and I, don't come from earth…

Yes I can be your sugar daddy, and she doesn't want anyone but me"

Almost one minute and I couldn't be there anymore. All the sugar-coated pervert words he says and the talks about how the girl's body and moves make me want to puke.

I went to Seth and Edia who were enjoying the vibe so much and told them I will be out.

I went to the backyard and saw that there were only a few people out there. I sit on the corner and watch up for the stars. I still could hear the music so I put my earphone on and start smoking weed I had on my purse.

I am no fan of nature and stuff but it is way better than the atmosphere inside.

A small rock hit my leg and I turn immediately to see a guy on the opposite side of me, elbows on his knees, his head lowered just facing the floor. He picked another stone and tried to write something on the floor before throwing it too.

I went there and sat next to him. He turns to face me and his green bluish eyes checked my small face before he looked away. He has dirty blond hair with curls long enough to cover his face. He looked in the mood not to talk to anyone but I felt like being there with him not to talking to anyone too.

I put one of my earphones in his ear and laid back to keep watching the stars. Sometimes I just need someone, not to talk or do anything, but just be there, when I am sad and he looks like he was graving. Maybe I can make him feel a little less sad.

"For someone who enjoys Roberto, you have a strange taste of music," he said.

"Excuse me?" I turn to see him. What is he talking about?

"You don't look like a Taylor swift kind of girl" he replied simply.

"Are you saying a girl has to be labeled, as in we can't have a wild taste?" the black girl in me snapped.

"Don't get all feminist on me, I was just saying" he throws the rock and starts rubbing the floor with his hands. What a jerk. No wonder he is sitting alone. "Relax Marceline he is sad, its judgments like that led to situations like this" I remind myself.

"I meant your favorite music says a lot about you more than you will express in words. And you over here listen to "meet me in the middle" in a single-mode so you are either a fifth shade fan or you are nothing like you look like". He explained himself.

"And what do I look like?" I ask full of curiosity.

"Like you won't care whatever is the answer to that question is!" he responds.

"You are right with that" I state smiling. "But I don't know a word from this song; it's all about the classical. It keeps the voices in my mind shut and let me enjoy the silence."

"That weird" he looks at me. "What are you doing here…?"

"Marceline" I replied.

"Yea Marceline, why did you come to me?" he asks again facing me.

"I hated the atmosphere inside and I wanted to go out. Then I saw you there and thought 'why not go talk to someone who I won't see tomorrow'"

"Right" he simply said. He turned around and continues craving the floor.

"You want me to leave?" I asked in regard to his actions. I felt like he is giving me the vibe like something is wrong about that.

"Yes," he mumbled.  That was cold, I was never told to go by a guy before and I was not sure I heard him right.

"Huh?" I said to make sure he actually said it.

"I want you to leave" he replied with the same cold tone.

"Okay cool," I said trying to stand up. But he holds my hand. I turned to face him fully confused.

"I want you to leave with me to somewhere else" he revealed.  When did I give him the express I want to sleep with him? What a pervert!  I was stupid to think I will just talk to him and that will be it.

I jerk my hand from him and particularly yelled. "Hell no, I have a boyfriend and when I meant to be with a stranger, I meant literally, just talk" and walked away. He quickly stands up and had the guts to follow me.

"And when I say leave to somewhere else I meant a place where we could actually talk" he replied. I froze where I stand and wait until he came to me but he just walked passed me.

"What are you doing?" I asked full of anger this time.

"Leaving" he states.

"I see that. You just follow me and go past me? What kind of person are you?"

"I never said I was following you. Like I never said I want to sleep with you. You have to get out of your head and listen sometimes" and with that, he went away. 

He is so annoying but it was my fault for talking to him in the first place. Damn bitch! I entered my car drove home, that was enough crap for the weekend.