CABBAGES ARE STUPID
We start off this helluva shit show with Aqua giving some context about the things they are supposed to "DEAL" with.
Aqua: In this world, the cabbages fly. When they reach their optimal flavor, Harvest season approaches. They don't just sit back and let themselves be eaten, it's said they fly through the grasslands and cities, across the continent and ocean, to finally, quietly pass away in a secluded region unknown to man, without being eaten. Then if that's the case, we'll catch as many as possible and turn them into delicious meals to eat.
Y/n: this is some anime bullshi-
Suddenly Luna announces something that kinda perked up my interest.
Luna: *through makeshift megaphone* EVERYONE! THE ANNUAL CABBAGE HARVESTING SEASON HAS ARRIVED! THIS YEARS CABBAGES ARE FINE QUALITY, AND WILL GO FOR 10,000 ERIS PER HEAD HARVESTED! SO PLEASE CAPTURE AS MANY CABBAGES AS YOU CAN AND LOCK THEM UP HERE!
Y/N: wait... 10,000 PER CABBAGE!!?
Kazuma: can I just go home? I don't really want to deal with this
Kazuma then saw Y/n running towards the cabbages like a mad man while yelling.
Y/n: *TERMINATOR voice* hasta la vista baby!
He then summoned two machine guns and mowed them down like how lawn mowers mow down grass but at high speeds.
Kazuma: wow. Overkill much?
Darkness: *squirming and aroused* such a brute! I definitely need to join this party!
Kazuma groans in frustration knowing what that means in the future. Back to Y/n, now after he shot them all down, he then s took out a gravity gun and flung the cabbages in the air, he then summoned a net gun to catch them all mid air but what was different about this net gun was that it didn't just shoot out a normal nets but instead it shot out a net that looked like it was energized with magic. After he caught all of the cabbages in that one net, he then put them behind him and repeated the process.
Kazuma: I wanna go home and go to bed
Suddenly Darkness went up to Kazuma and started talking to him.
Darkness: Kazuma! This is a perfect opportunity to see my ability as an crusader with your eyes.
Darkness then runs towards the cabbages and attempts to slash at them, it really didn't hit anything but air. Kazuma looks at the scene with a mildly disappointed look.
Kazuma:' man she wasn't kidding when she said she couldn't hit anything'
All of sudden their attention was brought to a group of Adventurers getting pelted by cabbages, FUCKING CABBAGES I say! So, Darkness being Darkness, she swooped in and tried to save the day. She stood there and took the pelting like a mother fucking CHAMP!
Kazuma: Darkness!
He shouted out in worry of his teammate. The constant hits of the cabbages chipped away at Darkness's armor, makes you kinda wonder how fast the things fly at you seeing as a fucking Cabbage can destroy armor.
Kazuma: oh no! Her armor!
Random dude: I-It's no use! Just get out of here!
Darkness: Don't be foolish!
Kazuma:' Christ! At this rate, she won't make it!'
Cut to Y/n looking at the scene with a bunch of net up cabbages behind him.
Y/n: wow! Over dramatic much? its just cabbages...
Now, back to the main people of the scene.
Kazuma: Darkness, you...
His face of worry soon turned into a deadpan stare as he looks at the scene at disbelief.
Darkness: How could I just abandon *gets hit* those who have fallen!?
Mind you, she says this with a massive blush on her face, hmmmm.... I wonder why?
Another random dude: She's such a model knight!
Pink haired girl: Hurry and run away, Lady Knight!
Then more of Darkness's clothes get ripped as she stands her ground at the endless barrage of cabbages. The non-important-adventurers look at her with awestruck faces at her sheer will power to stand against fucking cabbages. But let's see what Darkness thinks of this.
~~
Darkness:' they're looking at me! rough, uncouth, Men are looking at my exposed skin!' Amazing!
~~
Y/N and Kazuma:' is she seriously getting off on this!?'
Random Girl with goggles: amazing! She's sacrificing herself to save those men
Random dude with armor: us knights should learn from her example
Y/n and Kazuma:' Don't, she's just freaky!'
Suddenly Megumin jumps into action by saying some shit.
Megumin: Quake in fear, Cabbages! For none cane withstand the strength of my explosion!
Y/n and Kazuma:' Oh no! Another one!'
Megumin: *blushing* Haah~ when I'm faced with such a massive army of foes, I can't resist the sweet urge to unleash an Explosion. I Can NOT!
Y/n and Kazuma: No! You definitely CAN!
Megumin then started her chant for her explosion, meanwhile, Y/n realizing where darkness was, instantly ran for her.
Kazuma: Y/N!!!
Y/n: LEEROY JENKINS!!!!
As soon as he got to her and the other adventurers, he then quickly summoned a portal gun then shot a blue portal on the ground and one on the towns walls, then said to them in a very deep and manly voice...
Y/n: come with me if you want to live!
Then grabbed Darkness and proceeded to YEET her inside the portal then followed by him jumping in and the other adventurers following. Megumin finally finished her chant and casted her Explosion Magic and decimated the cabbages. Due to the still open portal in the blast zone, the blast from the explosion shoots the adventurers out of the portal at full speed, landing near Megumin. Darkness landed first with a Thump and a moan, then Y/n landed on her making her moan again in pleasure, then the rest of the adventurers fell on top of Y/n and Darkness adding to the weight on Darkness making her scream in pleasure.
Darkness: amazing~...
She then passes out from her injuries and from her climaxing. The adventurers got off of Y/n and darkness. Y/n just rolled off her because of exhaustion from using too much mana and getting the wind knocked out of him when the other adventurers landed on him.
Y/n: I can't feel my legs...
Megumin: that's what happens when you use too much mana...
Megumin who apparently collapsed near the boy explains why their bodies are numb and not functioning.
Y/n: guess that explains it... yo Kazuma! Could you carry us back?
Kazuma looks at his teammates with an expressionless face, then begins to walk away.
Y/n: Kazuma? Dude? Your not gonna leave us are you?
Kazuma: you're on your own
Y/n: seriously dude, stop messing around! Don't you dare leave us! PLEASE!? c'mon dude please!?
By the time he realized it, he was already gone.
Y/n: ... god dammit. Well atleast your here to help us Aqua! Right? RIGHT!?
Aqua: uuuhhh.... yeeeeah I... gotta... go, sooo... BYE!
She then sprints out of there towards the town leaving the three incapacitated Adventurers.
Y/n: ..... once I get my hands on them, they're DEAD!