Chapter 7

1. The old man placed an order for one harmburger, French fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the peopie around them were looking over and whispering Obviously they were thinking, That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them' As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything. People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything' Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked What is it you are waiting for? She answered - THE TEETH .

2. This guy had the perfect vows. His vows: "I will kill the spiders. I will share my fries with you when you've finished all yours and are still hungry. I won't ever pop my collar. I will never be rude to your tummy-when I hear it growl and gurgle, I promise to bend down and reply respectfully. I will eat the mushrooms when we order the supreme pizza. I will kiss the papercuts, and the door-slammed finger, and the counter-bumped hip. I'll try my hardest not to get annoyed when you whisper questions and comments during movies, I will be the big spoon, I will let you win at wrestling. sometimes, other times I will not. I will send you random txts and leave you silly gifts, not always. not on schedule. just whenever I want to, whenever I think you need one, or seven. I will check your tire pressure. and remind you to take your car in, I will hold your hand, I will love you, I will love you, I will love you."

3. Little Johnny comes home from Sunday school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?" "But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me! "" Johnny, "the father said. "You don't do those kind of things to women." Sure enough, the very next Sunday Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue. Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!" "But Dad," Johnny said, "It wasn't my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!

4 .A language Instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine "House," in French, is feminine: "la maison." "Pencil," in French, is masculine: "le crayon." One puzzled student asked, "What gender is a computer?" The teacher did not know, and the word was not in her French dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether computer "should be a masculine or feminine noun Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation, The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because: • No one but their creator understands their internal logic • The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else • Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long - term memory for possible later retrieval • As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer") because: • In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on; • They have a lot of data but they are still clueless • They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half th e time they ARE the problem • As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten better model.

5. He was using his mobile phone in the toilet . Suddenly the mobile slipped from his hand , fell into the commode and went further down . He had only this mobile , besides he is not rich . So he cannot buy a new mobile phone at the moment , as a result he was so much sad after this that he started crying right inside the toilet . After quite a long time of crying a giant felt pity on him and came out to hand him a mobile and said , " here is your mobile . But you are still crying . Don't cry . Are you happy now ? He said to the giant . " I am poor but I am not greedy . This golden mobile is not mine . Mine was an old mobile . I don't want this golden mobile . I don't want , I don't want , give me my old mobile back . On hearing his continuous nagging , the giant got angry and slapped him on the face saying , " can't you recognize your old mobile ? This is your old mobile phone , go and wash it "

6. A language Instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine "House," in French, is feminine: "la maison." "Pencil," in French, is masculine: "le crayon." One puzzled student asked, "What gender is a computer?" The teacher did not know, and the word was not in her French dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether computer "should be a masculine or feminine noun Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation, The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because: • No one but their creator understands their internal logic • The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else • Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long - term memory for possible later retrieval • As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer") because: • In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on; • They have a lot of data but they are still clueless • They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem • As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

7. When I was in 8th grade a friend of mine and I were fucking around during our study period and he accidentally stabbed me in the arm with a pencil and the pencil was partially stuck in my arm but I was really shy in social situations so I just raised my hand and waited for the teacher to notice which took about five minutes so when he finally asked me what I needed I said "T) accidentally stabbed me with a pencil a few minutes ago and Now it's hanging out of my arm.can I go see the nurse? ". He freaked out and yelled "OH MY GOD SEBASTIAN WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME RIGHT AWAY?" And I said right back please don't yell at me. I have a pencil in my arm.if anyone is yelling it should be me and that sums up my attitude and personality fairly well tbh Okay, but this friend of mine literally caught on fire in the middle of lab once and He just calmly tried to blow it out and when it got bigger, he looks at the teacher and voice completely devoid of emotion, said, "Mrs. Grau. I'm on fire." You and my friend should meet. That sounds exactly like something I would do. I think we'd get along very well.