Pain

Thando finally arrives, I am so happy to see her but I have a lot of questions, I give her hug.

Thando:"Are you okay?Your house is so beautiful"

Me:"Yeah wait until you see my room"

Thando:"Cool lead the way"

We go upstairs and she looks pretty much amazed by the way my room looks.

Me:(smiles)"This is it"

Thando says nothing but I can see that she's a bit jealous.

Me:"My parents are not here, how about a swim?"

Thando:"Sure plus I bought new swimming costumes"

Me:"Cool"

We changed into our swimming costumes and went downstairs.

'Who is that woman, Nomalanga?'

My heart is beating fast, I can not control myself, tears are running down.I can not hold it in all this curiosity.

My heart hurts, it's beating faster and faster.

Thando is screaming 'Nomalanga Nomalanga Nomalanga'

All I can hear is Noma Noma My Noma.

*(Falls Down )*

I wake up and I am in hospital, Langa is here and Thando is crying.

Me:"What happened, one minute I was okay and now I am here?"

Lihle:"You had a panic attack, what's wrong?"

Me:"I don't know, it is nothing serious"

I didn't want to tell Lihle anything about Noma, she seems to change moods whenever we mention her, so Langa said I should stop talking about her more often.

'How do I tell them that my mother might be dead'

It's getting too much again, I start crying, I can not do this not without my Noma

Langa:"Breathe Nomalanga Breathe, Breathe My Baby!"

*Breathes in and out*

Lihle:"She will have to spend the night here"

Me:"No I am okay, I want to go home, she will be back tomorrow"

Them:"Who is she?Is she the one whose responsible for this?"

I just look at them and keep quiet but I can't spend the night here, I have to hear what she has to say

Lihle:"Okay it's fine but we have to run some tests before we discharge her"

Langa:"Alright then"

He gives me a kiss on my cheek

Thando:"I thought you were dying"

I shake my head.

'I wish I was dead, I deserve it'

They run those tests and give Langa my discharge paperwork.

I didn't sleep that night.

>>>>>>>>>The Next Day.

I wake up, have a little chat with Thando, she cracks some jokes and they help a bit.

Me:"Okay let's get ready, she might come any minute from now"

Thando seems a little confused but says nothing.

We bathe and get ready

Langa leaves for work so does Lihle.

Thando makes us some food, she loves food that one.

While we are busy eating, the bell rings, I know it's her, I can feel it in my heart.

'Opens the door'

It is her!

Woman:"Molo mntwanam"(Morning my child)

Me:"Molo Mama"(Morning Mama)

I look at her and she looks like my mother exactly like her.

Woman:"May I come in?"

I lead the way.

She takes out a tissue and starts crying.

Me:"Who are you?"

Woman:"I am Noma's mother, where is Langa?"

Me:"He left but I can call him"

Woman:"Please do"

'I call Langa and tell him, it's an emergency and he needs to come quickly'

He finally arrives.

He is shocked to see Gogo(Granny)

Langa:"Mama?What brings you here?"

Gogo:"We need to talk"

Thando leaves the room, she gives us space.

Me:"What do you want us to talk about?Where were you when Noma and I had nowhere to go?When she worked as a sex worker?Did you care?"

Langa:"Nomalanga!"

Me:"I am tired of you guys, all I ever wanted was a normal family, you rejected me and her?She chased her pregnant child away!"

Gogo:"I had no choice, I tried to stop your grandfather but it was a disgrace to us, the church"

Me:"The church?You are pathetic!"

'I have never prayed nor believe in God, how does one believe in someone who lets such things happen?Is there really one?,but Noma used to pray.'

Gogo:"He did not want to lose the church, it was all he had, I tried but he said if I keep defending her, I must go with her I could not leave my marriage for a child"

'Wow just wow'

What is it with women choosing men over their own children, how do they sleep at night not knowing whether their child is safe or not?This has to stop.Women need to take charge and stand their ground.

I am just like them, I left her alone but I was young.

Langa is quiet, he is feeling guilty.

Gogo:"I have some terrible news"

Langa:"Okay"

Gogo:"We buried my husband a few months back I called Noma, she came and helped with the burial, she didn't say much I thought she was okay, I even helped her move to her new place, we were okay but..."

Us:"But....?"

Gogo:"I asked her where is your child?, she said she left and chose another person over me, like everyone in my life did"

She takes out two envelopes, one for me and one for Langa.

"She eventually stopped visiting me, and checked up on me and one day she called me and said I must visit her the following day, I was happy but her voice did not seem right, the signs were there, they were there. I went to visit her as asked, she was happy and gave me 3 letters and a note with your address, I didn't ask questions she then said that I must read mine when I get home, we laughed and ate, when I got home, I opened letter and I could see it was her way of saying goodbye, I called her and she didn't answer her phone, I managed to get transport to get there, but it was too late, she had shot herself...."

I knew it, I knew it!

Not my Noma, Not My Noma, she had plans.

There is a moment of silence.I didn't even say goodbye.