The End of July, Before the Impossible

     It was a cold morning, that's what I know. The moment my mind woke, I immediately felt the coldness on my skin besides the thick comforter I have wrapped around my body. For a moment, I thought that this is just another morning that I have to sleep off and let hours pass by without that much of a thought, but a sudden memory played inside my head. It's the last month of Summer, and I have been pushed not to spend it inside my bedroom by my cousin and my brother.

     Groaning, I groggily sat up from my bed,  immediately regretting the fact that I agreed to come in whatever place Haruya called. In this moment, all I want is to sleep again and give zero care about what's happening in the world right now. That's right, I told myself. I can just continue sleeping and they'll eventually get the message that I won't be coming and I changed my mind. With this thought playing in my head, I gladly lowered myself back to my pillow.

     And with my poor stroke of luck, my door busted open. Like, really busted open. It even looked like whoever monster invited himself in my room did not even use the doorknob. I groaned the moment I recognized the footsteps coming towards me. Of course it was Haruya. This little… Problematic piece of a human.

     "Oi, get up!" His voice was deep, but the excitement is there. "We need to get ready. It's nearing three already."

     I groaned. "Leave me alone." Yep, I totally regret agreeing to this. "I'm not coming. I changed my mind."

    Haruya grumbled something under his breath, but I was still too sleepy to even care or think whatever it is he said. For a moment, I thought he's going to let me have my way, but the next thing I knew, he's hitting me with a pillow. "Get. Up! Asahi, I'm telling you, if you don't get up, the next thing that's gonna hit you won't be a pillow."

     I immediately sat up because of this. One, because I know he's not joking. There's a fair amount of things he can hit me with, and the result will be me, being dead. And two, his voice is starting to scare me. Haru has always been like this, and for some reason, I really find him kind of scary despite the fact that I'm taller than him and I can manhandle him anytime. Though, I doubt I will actually do that. He's the older sibling, after all.

     I raised my eyes at him, and he was grinning in satisfaction. Despite the fact that we're siblings, we hardly look like each other. While my hair has the  color of the night, Haruya has the color of fall. It's glazed with dark brown whenever it meets the sunlight. His eyes are a completely different color, too. Onyx. A deep onyx, the color of void. I'd say he got that from our father—our Japanese side—while I have the color of emerald. I got most of my features from my mother's side, who's European, while most of his features are from our Asian father. I guess that will explain the few inches that differentiated our height.

     "Come on, Asahi," Haruya started, frowning. "How are you not excited about this?"

     I stared at him. "Did you seriously just asked me that?" I shook my head, finding this moment a little too ridiculous for me to handle.

   Just like our differences with our appearance, that also goes for our personalities. We're like the Ying and Yang, completely opposite. Unlike Haru, I always kept to myself and is known as the quiet and awkward child. And I'm not going to say they're wrong. I've always been troubled when it comes to socializing, and it's a good thing I never really had the need of talking to other people. I'm always alone, and will only talk to people if Haruya pushes me. Ever since, the other kids has always been kind of scared of me.

    And Haruya, on the other hand, is the bright child. The star, or something like that. He's always been approachable, a gentle soul and is very generous. That will only explain the friends he has made ever since we were kids, and the countless confessions and people who relies on him. Sometimes, I actually pity my brother. Most times, I laugh at him. He's always been the kind of guy that will put others before him, and help them in any way possible. He's popular in our school, too, and they didn't even know I am his brother.

     Sometimes, I wonder if we've been switched by our names. The name 'Asahi' clearly suits him because of his attitude, while I… Well, I don't think I will suit his name either, but 'Asahi' clearly doesn't suit me. My name means the morning, the start of a new day, the sunlight. And I'm pretty sure I am far from being a sunlight. Also, I hate mornings.

     To be honest, I really should not be here with my brother, in Japan. Growing up, we rarely really see each other, for Haruya's born here in Japan, and I was raised Greece, and moved to Ireland. I just followed him here, to be honest. At first, he was against the idea of me, being in here, everyone was, but he cannot do anything. We both understand what's our lives back in our mother's side, and maybe that's why. It's just his second year here, and I followed him after one year.

    Haru groaned at me, scratching the back of his head, making his bed hair ten times worse. It's obvious he just woke up to, and now look at him, he's here, bugging me already.

     "Nevermind. You already agreed, anyways, so you can't back out," He said, then looked around my room. "Why can't I see any luggage? At all."

    "Maybe because I didn't prepare." I mumbled under my breath.

   "Well, do it now!" Haru ran his hand on his hair, a frown on his face. It looks like he was about to lose it, but then he shrugged. "I guess you can do it after we eat, there's still time anyways. Come down, I prepared breakfast."

   "Big words for cup noodles."

    "Shut up," He snapped at me, making me grin for a brief moment as I watch him as he leave my room, grumbling under his breath.

   My whole body wanted to go back to sleep and don't give any care about Haruya's requests, but of course, I didn't. Despite the fact that I absolutely have no reason to stay alive, I don't want to be killed by my own brother. Groaning, I followed Haruya downstairs, occasionally tripping and stumbling over nothing. Right now, I live with him, right under the roof of his apartment. Unlike me, again, Haruya has stable job while being a student, and that was enough to keep the both of us breathing. The thing is, most of the time, all we eat are pizza and cup noodles that says it was one hundred percent authentic.

    From downstairs, the homey smell of the noodles greeted me, and I felt a little better and woke. I heard Haruya curse a little, as something hit the floor. Maybe a pan, or a metal bowl. This is exactly why I often do the cooking and the cleaning.

    When I got downstairs, Haruya's sitting on the two-chaired table in the middle of the dining room. He's slurping the cup noodles in his hand loudly, clearly enjoying his meal. I don't see why he enjoys these kind of instant food. It's horrible.

     "Ah, yes, the smell of cup noodles in the morning. I am not getting sick of this at all," I mumbled, earning a glare from my brother, but it's obvious that he appreciated my rare humor (?) at times. Sliding to sit  in front of him, where a cupped ramen was waiting for be devoured, I noticed the bags and the luggage that's waiting just in the corner. I stared at him then asked, "We're really doing this?"

     "Doing what?"

   "Going to that town? Or is it a city? Whatever. I forgot the name. Don't tell me. Not interested." I said, then he rolled his onyx eyes. "Do you seriously have to drag me with you, though?"

   "I can't let my little brother waste his life away, and the whole Summer, brooding inside his room," He answered, slurping and sipping a handful of noodles.  I actually cringed at the sight. Then, he shrugged. "Besides, we've been technically invited by our relatives. Plus, I'm growing sick of this place."

    "I'm not."

   He gave me an irritated look. "Also, mother told us to come there. She'd be disappointed if she finds out you're not there."

    I didn't have anything to reply to that besides a sigh and a lackluster manner of eating the cup noodles in front of me. The last time I saw our mother was years ago, the first year of my high school. I can barely even remember the sound of her voice, but Haruya kept communication with her. At times, Haruya would try and convince me to talk to her, but, unlike the other day where he managed to convince me, he never really convinced me to  talk to her. He always asked me why I won't talk to her, and I'd always say that I'm just not in the mood, but in reality, I don't know either.

    Obviously, unlike me and mother, they're closer, despite the fact that they only see each other after three or two years, while I literally live in my mother's house for years. Maybe because they share the same qualities and even the same attitude, or whatever. I don't care either way. The thing I want to know is why should she tell us to go in that hidden town, or something. I call it hidden because, according to Haruya's unwanted stories, it was just a small town, and people barely even know it exists. I really just forgot the name. But for some reasons, I can't tell why our she would tell Haruya to go in that specific town when she's literally stuck in Ireland.

   "You should prepare yourself first, Asahi," Haruya said, breaking the comfortable silence between us. "I'll put our things in the car."

    "I still haven't packed my things." I mentioned.

    He cocked his eyebrow. "Okay. So?"

     "You should take the bathroom first, onii-san," I said in a teasing tone. We both hate it when we use those words to address each other, and obviously, that's exactly why I did that.

   Obviously, Haruya almost killed me by throwing some things right at my face. Luckily, I dodged all that, thank you for his bad aim. I smirked at him as a challenge, then stopped when he grabbed the pan that's sitting peacefully at the counter that happened in the range of his reach.

  "Hey, time out!" I defended myself by putting both of my arms together and hiding my face like it was supposed to protect me when I could not.  "I'm kidding, I'm kidding."

   "If this hits your face, I'm also kidding." He retorted, his voice growing dark, but with the hint of fun at the edge of it. I laughed my low laugh, then stood up to make my escape. Again, the last thing that I want to happen is to be killed by my own brother. "That's right. Back out like the coward you are."

    Haruya may not be the ideal housemate because we're brothers, but we do get along, attempts of murder aside. At times, he would try to ask me what I can remember in our childhood together, and I'd say I don't remember anything, but in reality, a certain memory stuck with me, and if it hadn't, I must have hated Haruya by now.

  It was the memory of him scaring off the kids in the playground because they were picking up on me. Other time was when he introduced me to my very first friend, which I don't talk to now. But at least I did made a friend in my childhood because of him. Not like I'm thankful. Hell, I am not. I hate friends, or whatever you call those individuals that stick with you, distract you and try to gossip things with you—or about you. Either way, I will never understand why people love having other people around them. And I don't think I'd make the effort to know so.

    As if in a trance, I packed almost everything in my closet, given that I only own a couple of shirts, sweaters and other things. Some of them were Haruya's hand-me-downs, and the others are literally the clothes I was forced to buy for. If anything, the things I originally own was my brown sweater that I brought and the rest are just scraps. The moment I finished packing my things (if you call shoving clothes carelessly inside my luggage the okay) I was immediately summoned by my brother to come downstairs. He told me to prepare myself, then got outside to put our things in his car.

     I really cannot see the reason why he's so excited about this trip, and the fact that we'll be staying in that place for a month. Sighing, I forced myself to not feel disheartened by the fact that I will be in a place I barely know and, gods forbid, be forced to do things such as talk to people because of Haruya. I comforted myself with the thought of I will not be interested in anything about that place and a month can pass just as quickly.

   "Are you sure you don't want to know where we're going?" Haru asked me as he fixed the rear view mirror and tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. "You might blow your mind when we reach it."

    "I told you I'm not interested." I sighed.

    Haruya huffed, but did not say anything. He knows that I barely take any interest to anything, and when I did, it's about the most minor things and lose it as quickly as I took interest about it.

    "You should really live a little, Asahi."

    "You just dragged me out of my room and you say that?" I mumbled under my breath, making myself comfortable in the shotgun. "I just don't why… Nevermind, I'm here anyways, I don't have anything I can do."

     Haruya grinned at this, "Good to know that my brother still have sense left in his head."

    "And you're still a dumbass…"

   "I heard that."

   I gave him a sarcastic smile. "Good. That's what I'm aiming for."

   He glared at me lightly, but gave me a small smile anyways. This is another the thing that I hate and like the most about him. Instead of being angry at me or something like that, he would just let it pass like it was nothing. North like I'm complaining or anything, but at times, it's just kind of frustrating how he kept his patience in check when it comes to me. Of course I want to piss him off at times and his patience is not helping.

  Haruya turned to me, his onyx eyes twinkling under the warm light of the car. He nudged my side with a grin then asked, "Are you ready for this?" I just sighed. I'm ready to never go to that town and stay here, but I did  not say that. Haruya took my silence as a yes and then tapped the wheel excitedly. "Okay, then. Here we go."

    A part of me wanted to get out of the car then and there, and let Haruya do whatever he want besides taking  me somewhere I have no idea about. I've only been in this country for a year, and I know nothing about their culture or whatever. That's why the only place where I feel comfortable is inside my room, and now my brother is going to take me somewhere, far outside the comfort I knew.

     Then, a snap, like a lever being pulled, a button that was pressed, a thread that snapped—my anxieties started to kick in, the feeling of something I could not explain. Panic and fear. I hated it immediately, hated myself immediately. Why would something like this happen in such a time? What if something happens to us while we're out there? What if things go horrible? What if we could not come back anymore?

     I gripped the edge of my seat, unable to focus on something, despite the doctor's advice. The lights blurred around me, the sunlight passing on the side of my window, caressing my cheek. I could not hear  anything besides the song on the radio, the broadcaster politely greeting us a good morning. I want to hear something beside that, a sound outside of the windows, to convince myself that I'm not trapped inside, that I will be able to breath properly.

    I felt myself freeze on my seat, and I know that I'm wearing my poker face again, not making any sounds and not moving anything. If Haruya finds out that I'm being like a freak again, it will be a problem. A big one. He won't be able to enjoy this thing like he did, and that will disappoint him, sadden him. I don't want that. I don't want that. Despite the fact that he's my brother and that's irritating, I could not let him know about my situation. He's been carrying too much weight on his shoulders, I refuse to add on that.

     "Asahi," I heard Haruya call me, but it was damp in my ear, like he's inside a bubble.

    "Yeah, what?" My voice sounds different in my own ears, but it was enough to fool anyone. I must have gulped a thousand times before I could say those two simple words, must have took a silent mouthful of  air to fill my lungs.

    "You look difficult."

    "Wouldn't you like me to know?"

    I heard him laugh at this as he tap at the back of my head a little too hard, of course, on purpose. He did not notice the tightness in my voice, or the panic that I could almost imagine in my eyes. That's a good thing, and all I have to do is stay here and let the feelings of panic pass, the searing fire at the back of my brain. Usually, it takes me longer to make it pass, minutes that feels like hours. Hours of me feeling completely unsafe, thinking about things that's not even possible, but when I'm in that state, everything seems to be so possible, so true.

     "You don't look alright, Asahi," I heard Haruya mention. "Do you—"

     "No. No, I'm fine." I felt like I'm gonna choke on my own words. "Probably the side-effect of having nothing but… but–"

     I felt the car stop immediately, and before I know it, Haruya's all over me, shaking my shoulders. I can almost  imagine the bewilderment in his eyes. "Are you becoming like that again? Why didn't you tell me? Asahi…"

    I couldn't hear the rest of his words, or his voice, the only present thing is the horrible, searing pain in my head until it buzzes. I wanted to shout at Haruya, to tell him to get off his stupid face at me, but I couldn't. My throat ached, and I felt myself gag over nothing. It was clouded by the small buzzes in my head, and I could not move anything, not even my eyes, in those short seconds.

    I repeated three words mentally, the same words that we she told me whenever something happens. But it was not enough, not enough to keep me from myself. In the red, I can see Haruya shouting at me, shaking me, trying to get me to snap from whatever that is happening to me. But he couldn't. No one can.