Chapter twenty eight part two - Bad Idea

Chapter twenty eight part two

In my new supported living place, you had to go out and choose and buy your own food for the week and you could eat whatever you wanted. They supplied you with £20 pound a week to buy stuff and there were no rules or limitations on what you could and could not eat and how much. For once, after two long hard years of being told what you could and could not eat; I felt totally free. I loved it!

I liked knowing that, while my friends were still probably hard at work, I was sleeping in and doing what I wanted to do.

This was all fine until I suddenly started feeling guilty after having these small things and I didn't know why.

I went to BB's bowling party and I felt guilty after drinking a few fizzy drinks. I thought it was normal though and that I only felt guilty because I wasn't being particularly healthy at the time.

However choosing to go to that bowling party proved to be a bad idea. I'm not gonna bore you with the reasons, I will just get straight to the point. My friend had invited lots of my old school friends, so I got to see them for the first time since I left school and got kicked out of my first college.

Everyone appeared to know about my past and how I developed depression and that annoyed me because some of them shouldn't even know what happened; trying to talk to them was awkward and they didn't really talk to me either. I felt very left out.

Anyway SZ told me that the reason why no one really spoke to me was because they were scared of what to say to me due to my depression. This made me feel like a total freak and made me even more suicidal and something in my mind told me that I should stop eating. Then due to my depression, I decided that if I stopped eating, I'd eventually die. (Which is kind of ironic because now I'm addiment that everyone is lying and wrong - I won't die by not eating, I will be fine, although I nearly died from it a couple of months ago.)

Anyway I stuck with my plan and I stopped eating.