Chapter 2

After Effects Of Fenox

Working in a different job environment is exactly what I needed. I feel great, going to different locations learning different type of working environments, all of the sudden life doesn't feel dull. I wonder if Fenox can hear me think, sometimes I feel connected to him. I have dreams of him making love to me, sometimes holding me and telling me everything will be ok. I miss my old coworkers but I'm enjoying spending more time with Anex. Going to museums and brunch, also staying on top of his schoolwork and dealing less with Haniel his dad.

Meeting new co-workers can be fun and aggravating at the same time. Adjusting to new personalities as well as avoiding dangerous personalities and if I can't avoid the dangerous personalities then I must deal with them in a professional manor. I've met interesting people and people who are just very overprotective over their job also people who are nice to look at, or perhaps a person. He's attractive but not my type but when I go to that work site I enjoy the view, helps me not think of Fenox, I'm really good at not getting caught staring, as long as it stays innocent why not let my imagination persist.

The friendship in between Fenox and I had become stronger, we texted every morning, I sent morning quotes, we shared jokes, it's very good way to start my day. Fenox is also very smart he catches on to my little thoughts and reflects them at me, I like how he can do that. Sometimes I get in deep thought of him and think of him texting me and he does, I wonder if he can hear my thoughts. I once read if you think hard about a person you appear in their thoughts or dreams, I am starting to believe that or maybe is more telepathic, I just sense it and pick up my phone or wake from my sleep, somehow I just know. Sometimes my dreams get excessively intense and it feels like he's with me in my sleep holding me. I love thinking of him holding me it makes me feel serene helps me keep going and stay focused on my goals. Sometimes I want to fight for him but then sometimes I don't because I turned him down and he deserves to see things through with Ellie not only that, if she wasn't making him happy then he wouldn't be with her. I just want my best friend to feel the same happiness he brought me.

I decided to focus on work instead, work can be interesting, I like being busy helps me have a clear mind. I'm always deep in thought and in daydreams. As I head to work I have a vivid dream Fenox and I are in my home, warm weather, palm trees, acres of nature, we stand in front of my dad's house, I fall on my knees with blood tears running down my eyes. He asks, "why does it have to end this way?" I answer, "I needed to break, it's not the end Fenox, just the beginning of something great". I pause, feel my heart break and endured the pain, Fenox last words "we will meet again?". The ground shakes, brakes and opens. There're stairs to burning fire, I walk in and look back one more time in case is the last time and walk in the flames. I snap out of my dream, so vivid, I can question if I had just left my body and entered back.

I dwelled on the dream, in deep thought I felt as if Fenox entered my thoughts somehow and was speaking to me. I spoke to myself "must it really end this way?", he responds "no it doesn't, let me help you". He now stands in front me in my thoughts "you have no idea what you would put at stake" a tear comes down my face "just trust me, this is the way, you do trust me?" He grabs my face and kisses my forehead "I trust you, you would never hurt me in that way" he disappears. I would never hurt him, he's right, for some reason I feel destiny has spoken to me. I must let Fenox go, focus on my goals and maybe, just maybe I will find someone that can love me in a way I can still keep myself. Someone who can love what I bring and love my imagination while keeping me grounded.

I come to my senses, these thoughts feel too real, I start feeling less grounded, I go deliver packages and stay out of my thoughts for a moment. I text my friend my feelings of hurt and happiness, she responds I might need closure, I think closure can be dangerous. I buy Fenox a bottle of wine, we do have the same taste in wine, Christmas gift, I intend for him to pick it up but he insists delivery is better. The day I go see him, get in his car, have a nice conversation until the time to say goodbye. He asks if I wanted him to get out the car but I said no, him standing over me, I wouldn't be able to not kiss him, I look at him, I hug him and leave. My friend was right I needed closure, I insisted on answers through text and I got my answer. At first he insists it would complicate things, I promise it wouldn't and it didn't, he's response was he likes me, I'm down to earth and I don't listen much, it made me feel at peace, he was right. I felt peace that one person on earth could see me as I am, made me happy, I'm constantly being misjudged, finally someone who has seen me for me. It didn't complicate things for me but I wonder if it did for him. I can now say for some reason I felt so much better, ready to move on to the next chapter in my life, I let destiny take her course.

Chapter 2 Inspired By: Stone Sour - Through Glass