Kabanata 20.1

Dear Diary,

I'm back! After 4 months I finally decided to write about the not-so-interesting events of my life. 2 months ago ay bumalik na ako sa work. Siyempre napagalitan ako dahil andaming natambak sa akin, madami rin ang mga naabala ang trabaho dahil imbes na ako ang nag-f-finalize ng lahat ay sila ang gumagawa.

Dahilan para madagdagan ang mga gagawin nila, but still! I'm back to work. Minsan nga lang ay absent ako ng absent sa school na mas lalong nagpapagalit kay mudra pero wala na akong magagawa. Kasi I think, kaya ayaw na ng katawan at isipan kong pumunta sa school dahil isa 'yong toxic.

I don't know. Kasi kapag nasa trabaho ako I feel much, much alive than in school. Ang kailangan ko lang kasing gawin ay ayusin ang mga patapos na trabaho ng mga officemates ko hindi katulad sa school na, you're too eager to boost your grades and aim high when in reality, if you've become the best student in class and a lot of them is fascinated about you and you think it's all about learning it's not, it's all about boosting your ego.

Siyempre kakalat 'yan sa buong batch mo, if super friendly ang mga classmates mo makakarating ang balitang iyon sa iba pang students na hindi naman same ang course sayo. Which then will lead to you being a narcissist.

Then again, even if this is how as bad this school as it gets, we can't deny the fact that that's where everything will start. The pressure, hardships, toxic people surrounding you, constantly being alone which then lead to you of becoming an independent person.

And right now, ganyan ang nangyayare sa akin. I am becoming a narcissist when I heard from other professors praising working students, not just me because I'm not alone. And it's frustrating. I am paying my own tuition fee and yet I'm not doing good in school and just keep on being head-over-heels about myself.

It's unbecoming of a human being!

I know I exaggerated things but I don't like this, but I am loving the praises and appreciation from the professors! It's really hard being a difficult person like me who couldn't even control her emotions nor her facial expressions.

It's written all over my face that I'm such a bad girl for being like this. Maybe that is the reason why May and Jennie's friends don't want to be around me.