TAKING CARE OF ME...

The next morning, Satoshi was gone; I woke up and he left without saying goodbye. I guess it was normal for him to be upset with me; I hurt him and even we all hurt each other, I also insulted Hiroki last night; and for a change ending up in a mess with Satoshi, this is getting out of hand; every day there are problems, there is always an argument to deal with, confusions come, fear.... And say "I don't know what to do anymore". In my head everything is spinning, my thoughts are tangled, things are going from bad to worse, but somehow, I need a solution from the smallest to the one that is affecting me the most. I give a long sigh of stress, get out of bed, put on some slippers and leave the mansion to clear my mind.

I try to breathe in the fresh air and see the quietness of the morning, it was the only thing that brought me peace. I start to think: "if I'm not the woman Hiroki really loves... I think I have to accept it even though I deny it, who would really like to see the person you like with someone else? That's why Satoshi can't stand me anymore, but he and I are in the same situation, we both can't do anything to avoid it. Now the important thing is to defeat Oyuki: for my village, for Hiroki, for my friends, for my parents and for myself, I must have strength in my heart. With strength in my heart" I show a smile drawn in my mind, reflecting it on my face. I stop for a few minutes to admire the landscape full of life that had serenity against me and to be able to breathe, to leave the tie that penetrates my neck and did not let me breathe. Suddenly I feel arms across my torso and a face leaning against my back.

- please don't say anything... - said a trembling voice. It was Hiroki - don't move and don't say anything - he orders. I had no intention of moving anyway. I swallowed with difficulty -.... Naomi... Don't ever think that I'm not protecting you by my will.... - he overwhelms me with his unsuspecting words like the arrows he shoots (that's how unpredictable Hiroki is).

-... Isn't it true? - I ask him so dryly - I'm sick of being lied to.... I'm... You don't like me... You don't love me... You love Kyoto... I don't need your pity... I...- he abruptly turns my face and presses his lips against mine, touching so suddenly that I got a shiver and a heat all over my body, my heart beating so fast.... "He... Kissed," he pulls away from me and pins his gaze against mine. I look at him in surprise.

- Stop being so silly - his gaze becomes more and more tender - ... Does this at least make you understand? Your insecurity drives me crazy ... - he sticks against me again, giving me another kiss, but more passionate, I stop resisting - Don't sleep with other men again, I won't allow anyone else to kiss you..., you are my fiancée!... if you don't keep your promise I'll kill you - he sticks again to my lips so warm... softer... more tender. I accept his condition and receive his lips closing my eyes so longingly, I let myself be carried away by the moment so much. He doesn't like to be separated from me...

At that moment, it was better than the one I had with Satoshi. I felt so safe with Hiroki, he ignited that part of me. I wanted that moment to be stopped. Only my heart can remember this moment, and it was cruel to compare it. But that's when I realized that I wasn't confused anymore, that I want to be with Hiroki, even if we have difficulties. In his arms I stayed and let his affection take over me. That memory consumes my whole body; it makes me shiver and warm at the same time, it tickles me rough and tender. It scares me and gives me confidence, it is something that stirs all my senses.

In the afternoon I ask Soshi that we walk together to talk and not fall behind, he tells me everything that has happened in the palace... many servants have been killed for trying to escape, they are punished with whippings if they do not follow instructions, some guards seem to have been killed for revealing themselves. I can't believe everything that wretched lady is doing to my home, and I can't do much about it because I'm here... hiding so they won't find us.

-what an atrocious... woman... to you .... what have they done to you? - I ask worried, Soshi rolls up his Kimono and shows me some resent wounds.

-Satoshi... he saved me in each one of them avoiding them to do something else... -he confesses bringing his legs to his chest. I pick up his legs too, not knowing what to tell him about it, he killed my father... and to see him still doing that atrocity... it burns my heart - calm... I also thought that Satoshi wanted to kill your father... I was also very angry...

-I still don't understand why he did it.... - Soshi turns to look at me, he looks at me tenderly, that look that captivates me as if he was my little brother -I wanted to protect you... - he says looking at me, very sure of his words, but I still don't understand what he meant by protecting me... from my father I doubt it, from that woman for sure... I sigh wanting to change the conversation, in fact if I keep talking about this I'll think I'm alone again and the last thing I want is to be sad for now.

-Soshi... I think I'm falling in love - I confess to him starting to blush, he smiles

-It's obvious, as you know that Satoshi is not the bad guy anymore, now you can marry....

-It's not Satoshi... -I confess without looking away from the landscape...

-... and... wait... don't tell me he's from... - he gives a brief pause trying to analyze the situation and think why I stopped loving Satoshi - I see... that you like Hiroki... right -I nod to him bringing my face to my knees covering them out of shame, or not shame... more like shyness that now I know it... that kiss this morning... I keep thinking about this... I keep thinking... that Hiroki and I now want to be together... but I feel bad in throwing Satoshi away, because I simply can't relive what I feel anymore.

-I failed... my feelings, didn't I? - I start to sob a little remembering everything Hiroki has done for me, how he has been so attentive and how now my heart melts.

-Maybe... - he answers me also looking at the quiet landscape- Do you like either Satoshi or Hiroki? I don't understand you... You guys are supposed to have a very long history, for years and you fall in love with Hiroki very suddenly. I don't understand you... You are the most difficult being - I raise a sarcastic eyebrow.

- Soshi... It's true that I had a lot to do with Satoshi, but... Things change, even if Satoshi wasn't to blame, I can't see him with the same eyes or feel anything for him anymore.... My heart beats when Hiroki is around, I feel safe and it makes me want to protect him, we fight all the time, he's cold, sarcastic, rude, his plans don't match mine, he's usually insecure... somehow I accept that about him.... I get more attached and I tend to like those flaws.... I feel safe, I feel confident.... I don't know what's wrong with me," I explain to Soshi. I give a sigh of stress.

- Are you... More than in love, is it what you want? Is it what your heart desires? - he looks at me to be sure. I nod with a smile- then.... Fight for it- he pats me on the back, friendly looks at me and comforts me.

Suddenly... an object flies out of the bushes towards us, I push Soshi so it doesn't hit either of us, it gives me a small wound on my face.... "what?!" i turn to the bushes and see a figure behind the leaves trying to escape. I quickly shoot an arrow at that shadow ... It makes him fall. We ran to the guy, but he disappeared.

- What happened? - Soshi is upset.

-I don't know, I... - Someone grabs me from behind and tries to choke me with his arm. It's a man, I try to break free and struggle to escape, he has me roughly by the neck.

- If you come closer I'll kill her! - he threatened Soshi who was scared standing there not knowing what to do. I kicked the man in his soft parts, and he managed to escape. The guy seems to be a spy, "Is he from the castle? He looks menacing. I put Soshi behind me (Soshi doesn't know how to fight). And I go defending him. He pulls out his sword and tries to attack me, I try to dodge him, but he makes a horrible break in my shoulder, he thrusts his sword horribly, I see my arm and the blood on his sword. The man looks at me face to face with a very frightening expression.

-Goodbye princess! - exclaims the lord... but I feel in my hand... that I have an arrow.

-See you never! - I face him and I put the arrow all over his bare neck, the man bleeds more than me killing him immediately. He pulls the sword unconsciously from my shoulder and it bleeds too much, I start to get dizzy and fall on the ground already ready... to go....

- Naomi! - Soshi exclaimed in fright. I try not to fall asleep or faint

- NAOMI! - Hiroki shouts worriedly coming to me - You're bleeding! - He quickly lifts me up. I was already about to fall down right there.

- Hiroki... - I whisper to him with grimaces of pain, but I don't think he hears me.

- Don't close your eyes! I won't let you die! - he exclaims very hysterically, I try not to, but it's getting harder and harder.

He lays me down on the bed in our room. He immediately takes off the top of the kimono to examine my wound, he immediately notices how deep it is.

-Damn it! - exclaims Hiroki very stressed not knowing what to do - I must bandage and disinfect this... you have to take off your kimono... he says sorry - I am instantly surprised to hear this strange request, but I can't do anything about it, I must do what he asks me... -I must bandage your wound....

-Can't Auntie help me? - I try to form a sentence from the intense pain I have - she doesn't know how to do this - I have no choice but for Hiroki to do his job. I agree to take off the upper part of my Kimono, she tries to sit me down avoiding the wound to open more, holding it carefully to stop the bleeding a little, she takes off the upper part taking it to my hips leaving it totally uncovered... the truth I feel very embarrassed to have to show her my naked chest... but I can't do anything but cover it and that it won't be so noticeable.

Hiroki bandages my shoulder a little bit while he heats the water to clean and disinfect it, I lay there very embarrassed and feeling too much pain, a stabbing pain all over my arm that made me want to tear it off and not suffer anymore, I feel it very numb. Hiroki comes back with a bucket of warm water after a couple of minutes, unwraps the wound and with a wet cloth tries to clean it. I stare at him, very touched by how worried he was.

-What a fool you are, you're so careless! - he scolds me cleaning my wound, I smile in my eyes thanking him for his affection and for being so attentive.

-Thank you... - I let him go, feeling calmer... the pain decreases a little more - you're a pervert - I tell him with a chuckle without stopping looking at him.

-Maybe a little bit - he answers me following my game - although... I can't do anything to you, you are still very little and we are not married - he says very teasingly - you know... I have never done this... - his cheeks blush a little bit.

-You're lying! -Then how do you know about this?

-When you are kidnapped by the palace they prepare you very well... being a prince is not easy - he answers me from joke to joke, I love his sense of humor, he makes me laugh a lot and his sarcasm.

-So you can say that I am the first woman? - he nods at me with a smile, then from one blink to the other it blurs like butter, in his eyes you can see the worry, he stops cleaning my wound for a moment, I look at him confused why he stopped or if something happens to him, he comes back to look at me and pierce me with his deep pupils.

- Naomi... -he gives me a tender and saddened look - don't ever think that I love another girl.... - he says, I don't know what this is leading to - Please, you are my fiancée for a reason and for a reason I still don't regret that you are my fiancée? Honestly if I don't tell you this now, it will be more difficult for me to say it later - he smiles at me, with his fingers somewhat painted with blood and water, he passes them over my lips, I can see he wants to get closer, but with my naked chest it will be a little uncomfortable.

It's the first time he's been so sincere with himself. I'd like it to be like this all the time, but when would we have time to fight? When would it be time to learn from each other's faults? And to fight so that it doesn't alienate us. I don't think I would change it... I wouldn't, I'd rather fight ten thousand times with him and love him this way, before getting bored thinking that everything will be perfect when it's not... And it's great, it's good to think that we can overcome adversity together. Our differences make us strong