8. Chemistry II

New Day.

Today is going to be a good day. Hopefully. Yesterday, was most definitely shitty. And is never going to have a repeat, because I am not going to associate myself with back stabbing traitors.

I am not saying that I am not going to interact Samantha. She is my roommate and I am trying my best to forgive her. But she and I are not friends. Not now, not ever.

I know how it sounds. Amira comes to a new school. She makes just one friend, who happens to be her roommate, then just discards her. She is going to be alone all the time then.

It is exactly how it sounds, but you know what. I rather not have any friends here, than have ones who are going to betray me any chance they get.

..Anyway, I don't want to dwell on the past. I am used to things like this anyway. So I'm just going to move forward.

Right now we are getting ready for the day. Samantha is seating on her bed wearing her shoes.

I am looking at myself in the mirror knotting my tie.

"I forgive you. Or rather I'm trying to." I don't take my eyes off what I am doing. I could feel her looking at me.

"I don't have the time to hole stupid grudges or be petty." Once I'm done checking myself out in the mirror and everything looks good, I walk to my bed to take my bed.

"Amira I am very..."

I don't let her finish. "I don't want to hear it. It makes you even more pathetic." I walk to the door and open it, but not before finishing.

"I said I forgive you. I didn't say we were friends. You lost your chance."

I walk out shutting the door. I take the stairs, because I need some time to be alone and just clear my head.

Today is Friday, so I have my first period free. I'm gonna head to the library and get some work done.

As I head there I see Charlie walking towards me.

"Hey Char." I say smiling

"You're finally in a good mood." he replies smiling as well.

"I guess." I sigh "I'm going to the library."

"Right it's Friday."

"Yup."

"I'll walk you." he suggests

"You should get to class."

"It's fine. I'll make up an excuse if I get there late."

"Okay, but it's not going to be my fault." I say as we walk.

"Soo who's Steven?"

"A friend." I say smiling

"Just a friend?" he looks at me

"He's my ex."

"Oh." is all he says.

"We have a very toxic relationship."

he chuckles "Okay? Are you guys dating again?"

"I laugh "Well we're both single right now. And I'm gonna see him soon so.. I don't know." I look to him beside me. "We're not dating, but we are definitely in a situationship. That's for sure."

"Oh." he says again shaking his head. "Okay."

"Why?" I ask him

"Nothing." he says quickly.

'Gosh I hope he doesn't have feelings for me. I most definitely am not girlfriend material. Or even ready for one again. I'm still not over Steven. Stupid jerk just had to go and change our plans. Now I'm stuck here and can't check if he's still with that stupid Monica. Ugh Monica. What a stupid name.'

I hear him clear his throat and chuckle beside me. 'That's really weird. Same thing happened with Jonathan. Can people hear my thoughts or am I speaking out loud. Oh my gosh did I just say someone can hear my thoughts.'

I hear him chuckle again. "Oh my gosh did I say that out loud."

"Say what?" he says

"Hmm."

"We're here."

I bump into someone.

"You just can't help touching me can you." I know it's Jonathan without even looking up. He has a familiar scent.

"You wish Mr. Popular." I say looking up at him. He's doing it again. I can feel something leap again in me. I look away. 'Freaking weird shit keeps happening.' I put my hair behind me ear.

"You didn't text me back." he says

"You never texted me." Charlie says

Woah I literally forgot he was here for a second.

"Not you." he says without taking his eyes off me. 'Can this dude stop. Geesh he might as well use his eyes to drill me. Gosh I am so uncomfortable."

"Sorry." he says clearing his throat.

Hmm. Weird. Deja Vu. I squint my eyes at him.

"Sorry I was studying. I put my phone on silence or turn it off when I study." I reply him.

"You guys text each other. Since when were you friends?" Charlie asks confused

"We're not." Jonathan replies

My eyes widen and I raise my eyebrows. I turn to Charlie. "Well let's hang later. And we can move on from the boyfriend that is not mine and talk about your life." I pat his shoulder and walk into the library.

"Woah, what about us?" Jonathan says

I stop and sigh, turning around to face him. "Look I know you're dying to hang out with me. I get it. I'm awesome, but I'll text you." I tap him and walk away, without listening to what he had to say anymore.

I don't need people wasting my time. I have to catch up on my studies. My mental health has been messing me up lately. I haven't been able to sleep properly, with the bloody reoccurring dream. I can't concentrate when I study. It's so frustrating. I feel like everything I felt at home has been accelerated.

Anyway, I don't have time to dwell on the past. I need to study chemistry, before I meet up with Mr. googly eyes.

I take a sit and bring out my books to start.

"Right. I should probably send him my schedule now, before he becomes Mr. Bipolar."

"I heard that."

"Aah." I yelp

He takes a seat beside me, while I text him the schedule.

"You know you got quite a lot of nick names for me." he says giving me a hard stare

I twist my body to the right to face him. "Do you and your friends have a magical power, where you can read my mind. Because there were times when you guys replied me, but I never said anything." I widen my eyes, tilting my head forward.

He twists his body to face me too and tilts his head forward as well, before saying. "You are fuckin crazy."

I widen my mouth bewildered. "I know." I say laughing hysterically.

I notice him staring at me, surprised by my reaction. Can't say I blame him. I'm full of surprises.

I turn back to face the table.

"Wait. What are you doing here?"

I notice him placing his books on the table. "What do you do in a library?"

I scoff and stick my tongue out to him childishly. 'Smart ass.'

He chuckles. "I don't have a class right now." he replies.

I don't say anything again after that.

**20 freaking minutes later**

"Well fuck me? I am so done." I rub my forehead and eyes whispering to myself.

I tap my pen furiously on my textbook. 'I am losing my freaking mind. Which Russian chemist published the first widely recognized periodic table in 1869? Why do I have to know this?' I let out a huge sigh frustrated with myself.

'Okay I know this. I know it. It's simple.' I write the answer down. Dimitri Mendeleev.

I answer the rest of the test questions. 'Synthesis gas- synthesis gas.'

"You need help." Jonathan says beside me.

I sigh "Yes please."

He takes a look at the question. "What does synthesis gas consist of?" he reads out loud

"Okay..." he starts explaining. "... so synthesis gas is a useful product, but requires careful handling due to its flammability and the risk of carbon monoxide poisoning. The water-gas shift reaction can be used to reduce the carbon monoxide while producing additional hydrogen, resulting in water gas." he finishes, but I'm looking at him really confused.

"Could you like just repeat everything you just said...again...please." I clear my throat.

He scoffs, but repeats himself and I finally get it.

"So, CO and H2O." I say

"Yeah that's what I just said." he shakes his head.

"Thank you."

"I'm your tutor."

I close my books and put them in my bag, getting ready to leave.

"Aren't you still studying. We have a little more time before the next time." he says

"I'm gonna go clear my head." I say looking outside through the window. I think I see someone.

"What are you doing?" Jonathan says looking out the window.

It looks like a shadow. It was there, then it wasn't.

"Is it the boogeyman?" Jonathan mocks me, but I don't pay any attention to him.

'This is getting crazy. First in my dreams, now he is appearing in real life. What the hell is happening?' I start hyperventilating. I can't breathe properly. I start beating my chest.

'Okay just take deep breathes. It's gonna be fine. Just think.'

"Okay grass *breathe* flowers *breathe* butterflies" *breathe*

"Are you okay?" he asks me, but I can't listen to him right now. I need to focus or thing might spiral out of control.

I continue taking deep breathes. My hands are shaking. I can feel tears coming to my eyes. I can't stand up straight. I keep stumbling.

"Okay. Just focus. You can do it. You've done it before. Don't panic." I continue taking deep breathes.

Jonathan takes my hand and pulls me towards the chair I stood up from. I take a seat to try an relax.

"Do you want me to call someone?" he asks, staring at me worriedly.

"No please." I say breathily, holding his hand, but looking down at my feet.

I hear him pull a chair next to me. I notice he still hasn't let go of my hand. Good, cause I really need support right now.

My breathes begin to settle. I can feel myself calming down slowly. Eventually my breathing is back to normal, my head is no longer feeling funny and the tears have dried up.

"You okay now?" he asks me with a gentle voice.

I shake my head answering yes.

"How long?" he asks

"A long time." I let his hand go, and run it through my hair. "I don't really when it was. But what I remember was the first time my dad didn't come home when he supposed to. I was so scared... I was always scared every time he went to war."

"After that day, there were many more days like that. For days he won't be back, so I started finding comfort in temporary things...you know stuff. I guess it just got worse when he died and I didn't know about it until later." After saying that, I don't say anything for a while, and neither does he.

.."Whatever, don't tell anyone about what just happened. Or what I told you. I definitely don't need people treating me different cause I'm going through something, that someone else in the world is probably going through."

"I won't."

I stand up from the chair, but he tells me to rest.

"I'm fine. I'm not sick. Besides class will start soon. So we should both leave."

He nods his head and gathers his stuff. I don't know if I should wait for him or leave. We aren't really friends anyway.

I'm about to take my leave when he comes beside me and asks if I'm ready. I nod and we both leave the library.

"So I think we should do this every Friday morning and Saturday."

"Sorry I can't do Friday. It's for my studying. I don't want to change that."

"You know I didn't really peg you for the reading type."

I laugh loudly. "What do I look like to you then?" I look at him.

"I don't know. A delinquent." he says looking at me.

I laugh again. "I am that. But it doesn't mean I'm going to fail. You know I was actually one of the best students in my previous school."

"Then why did you change schools?"

"Being an honors or a student doesn't just require you being just academically brilliant." I reply him, but end it there. I admit that I did some terrible things that were fun at the time, but it doesn't mean I like talking about it.

Jonathan must have sensed it, because he doesn't bring it up again.

"I didn't peg you too as the studious type." I say to him.

"What?! Even with the glasses. I thought it made me look serious." he starts fiddling his glasses. I laugh

The two of us laugh for a bit, before things get awkward again. As we made our way to class quietly, Rachel came towards us.

"Hey." she says awkwardly.

"Bye." I say, leaving immediately not wanting to be caught up in a conversation with them both.

"Why were two together again?" I can hear her say from where I am.

"I already told you. Chemistry."

"Whatever I don't want you guys talking alone again."

"You know that's not really possible, but whatever I don't want to be late for class."

I walked further away, focusing my mind on other things not wanting to listen to their conversation. It really isn't my business so I shouldn't even be listening in the first place.