HARD TO PROCESS

I didn't find someone to guide me to the right way because there was no one felt what I was feeling; there is God who knows what we are thinking about, but I think that we mustn't ask God in stuff like this, I think it is like a disregard.

So, I went to an empty place in the forest to clear my head and get some ideas how I'm going to solve this.

However, I didn't find the answer, after more than an hour I decided to return home when I stood up my eyes caught two cats were trying to make babies, suddenly a third cat had come and shared them the moment; two males cats were sharing one female cat.

I turned my head to give them a little privacy, and when I did the first step, a great idea came to my head; if the two males could share one female, therefore, the two girls also can share one boy.

I ran as fast as I could to my home happy with the idea that came to my head, when I arrived, I directly searched for Sara and found her in the kitchen with my mom and Tina.

They were surprised to see me panting; I was excited, I hold Sara's hand and took her to my room in a rush, and closed the door.

"…Do you love me?" while panting I asked.

"What?" she didn't know what was happening.

"Do…you…love…me?" I repeated.

She descended her head and stayed silent.

I raised her head with my left hand "because I do…"

She stared into my eyes for a long time "you kidding…right? Do you love playing with other's feelings? What are you...? a monster!" she was throwing accusations in rage.

"Listen, please, and let me finish my words." I began feeling anger.

"I love you; I swear from the first day we met, I love how pretty you are… how arrogant you are… how smart you are… I love everything about you; there is just one issue…"

I prepared myself to admit my secret "I… also… Love Tina…" hardly I said.

"Yeah, you are a monster…" and she was about to open the door to go.

I stopped her immediately "You are not listening!"

"No, you are not listening to yourself, what you are saying is impossible!"

"Why it is impossible?" I shouted.

"Because you don't have two hearts, you have one…just one, and it can't be for two persons"

I responded immediately "No, I have one but one is enough for two persons, I mean look to me I love my mom, but that doesn't mean that I do not love my dad."

She shouted, "It is not the same thing!"

"No! It is the same because they are persons just like you, I love both of my parents I can love both of you… Sara, God gave us a great blessing, it the heart…" I pointed to her heart by touching her chest.

She noticed that and in a funny move she moved my hand to my chest, I laughed and continued "…what I was saying… Yes! The heart is a great blessing in a human's life and if we concentrate a little more we will find that it is bigger than the ocean, it is incredible."

"How can you love me and Tina?" she asked.

"How can you hate Tina…? I mean she is your best friend and you know her better than me… you know why I fell in love with her also, she is incredible."

I could see that she began to be convinced, I completed my speech "You can't lose anything just try me…"

She stared a little and asked, "Will you give me 50 percent of your heart?"

"Not 50, you will take 100 percent or maybe more…"

She bitten her low lip, smiled, and came close to kiss me.

-Oh god! I can't tell you how the kiss was! Like taking me to heaven, I just couldn't let her go.-

"Now, stay here, I will be back…" I ran to the kitchen to get Tina this time.

She was holding a cup of juice with her, when we entered my room I closed the door, Tina wasn't surprised at all.

I began my speech with excitement "Tina I love you so much… and I love Sara also so much… you two can form the perfect girl ever… and I really can't give up on either of you… so, if you are ready to share the love of this guy here…" pointing with my finger to me "…with your best friend Sara…?" I asked the question and began preparing another speech to convince her.

"Yeah…ok" immediately, she answered while drinking her juice.

I and Sara got scared a little as she quickly responded "Yeah?"

"Yes, I agree."

"But, why did you answer so quickly?" Sara asked Tina.

"I love him, and I will do anything to have him" Tina in confidence.

I couldn't resist her words and directly jumped to kiss her, forgetting that Sara was there.

After the kiss, I looked at Sara who was looking at us with jealousy, and nodded with my hand to come to join us so she came and both of them were in my hands and I began kissing, once for Sara and once for Tina, and all of us happy especially me. It was the best thing in my life ever.

-All of that's what I was imagining as I was running back home, but the reality was different.-

When I arrived I found Sara in the living room with aunty; not in the kitchen like my imagination told me, I gripped her hand and took her to my room and asked her while panting "Do you love me?"

"What?" she was surprised.

I repeated "Do…you…love…" but she interrupted me "Of course not!"

While processing what she said and stealing oxygen to feed my lungs, "What…?" In confusion, I asked.

"How can I love and I don't even know you?" she raised her voice.

"But, why did you cry when you saw me kissing Tina?"

"Oh! Listen! I think you misunderstood the situation, I will explain but first, you need to promise that you will keep the secret…" I nodded with my head affirmatively "I swear…"

"I'm a lesbo…"

I screamed "What!"

She closed my mouth with her hands "Shuuu… and Tina is not just my best friend…"

"She is your girlfriend…" my mind was absorbing the situation.

She answered, "kind of… she is a Bi…"

"What do you mean by Bi?"

"I mean Bisexual; she loves men and women," and she doesn't want to admit it.

"So, seeing you kissing her broke my heart not because of you, mister! But because of Tina…"

My eyebrows raised and my eyes opened wide and my mind was about to stop, there was too much information had to process.

I began laughing at myself because of all of the weird imagination I have which made me traveling far away and without any obvious clue.

"I'm sorry, for misunderstanding" while looking down I said.

"Oh! You don't have to apologize…" she answered while smiling.

"Come on! Hug me… you innocent kid" she said and made me feel like I was talking to my mom, we hugged each other and I tried to hug her as long as I could because I knew that I will never have the chance with her again.

-Just for the information that she was older than me by one year.-

"Can I kiss you?" I asked her with sad eyes.

"Oh! Of course sweetheart" I felt like I was so pathetic.

Knowing her secrets made her more relaxed as talking to me, and made me more comfortable since I knew that it was like talking to a man.

I kissed her for the last time and enjoyed it, but knowing that Sara was out of my hand was a shock for me, and I turned from the boyfriend to be the best friend, and Tina from the best friend to be the girlfriend.

-Seriously! WHAT A LIFE!-