fanfare for the common man

it really wasn't sudden at all. bound to happen from the very beginning, really. but harry just hadn't expected it to be so soon.

why was it always the bathroom? the first time harry saw him, the first time they had properly met, the first time he saw louis break down, and now, the first time he'd witnessed the first time the ocean boy's body truly fail him.

it was disgusting. even worse than the bar, undoubtedly. the tile floors were stickier; every step harry took was audible and making it just that much harder to move in the midst of his shock. as he was bent over the toilet, the smell of everything seemed to nag at him. the acidity of vomit burning his nose and throat, the odor of urine beating down on him from every direction, the sweat he hadn't realized was dripping off of him, already having soaked through his shirt so much that it was translucent.

he imagined what it would feel like to be louis, lying face down on the bug-infested, muggy ground that probably hadn't been properly cleaned in years. it made him squirm to think about; a real wonder how louis was still so tranquil and unmoving. as if some force greater than gravity was pulling him down with the intention to swallow him whole.

the thought made even more vomit rise from his stomach and fill his mouth, but he didn't react quick enough- so harry just had a mouthful of it, coating his teeth with the warm substance until he could bend over the toilet again.

he realized that he hadn't locked his stall when he felt someone approach him and rub his back. "mate, i don't want to rush you because i know it's hard and scary for you as well… but i think we need to get going. louis needs the hospital, and quick. he's not responsive at all."

the green-eyed boy, whose eyes were now unfocused and flitting to every corner of the room, was grounded with a single word. hospital. wordlessly, he stood up and rushed to louis' side, ignoring the next wave of nausea that was sure to come over him. there was nothing remaining in his stomach to throw back up, after all.

zayn had turned louis over so that he was facing upward, which was even more scary. his eyes were half open with only whites showing, wrist twisted at an unnatural angle, mouth slightly open. harry felt what had been intense fear turn into dread. it just felt so much more real, as if it hadn't sunk in before that it was louis, his louis on the ground, unconscious. now that he could see his face, it was so much worse.

"he… he's alive, right?" harry whispered dumbly, too stricken by the situation to really think about what was coming out of his mouth. other than vomit, of course.

"yes, but not for long if you just fucking stand there, you absolute buffoon! we've got to get out of here and to the hospital; quick. call a taxi." zayn was now bending down to pick louis up in his arms.

"r-right."

harry cursed himself for conceding when louis begged that they take the bus rather than the car on their way to the park, calling it more environmental. and it was, in more ways than one. certainly environmental once louis' body was decomposing in the soil for the plants to consume, he thought bitterly.

the two waited for what felt like an eternity before their taxi had actually arrived. the nearest hospital was twenty minutes away, and he could feel louis' pulse weakening at each passing minute. maybe it'd just been his imagination running wild with the irrational fears that flooded his mind, but he didn't want to risk it.

his throat still burned from having thrown up everything in his system, and it made him wonder how louis could do this as often as once or twice a day. and from the yellow liquid that was too neon to be urine, he could tell that the ocean boy had just done it shortly before he passed out.

when they finally arrived and spoke with the nurses about the situation, they took a look at the boy and paled, calling for a doctor right away. "god, please just call an ambulance next time!" the first nurse who saw them had nearly screeched. not a good sign. as soon as a doctor with severe features arrived, they whisked the small boy to the ICU immediately after taking his vitals, not permitting zayn or harry to see him.

all they could do was sit in the waiting room and hope that louis was alive, if nothing else. harry's worry was beginning to take over his entire consciousness again; suddenly invoking visions of the doctor emerging from the closed doors to tell them the news that louis was gone.

he hated himself for underestimating the seriousness of what louis was going through- the boy had hidden it so well, as if every move, every smile had been carefully rehearsed in front of a mirror, and harry began to question how real their relationship even was, if the boy was capable of masking so much. what if it was all a façade, and he hadn't cared for harry in the first place, after all?

ever since the two had met, harry never once considered a future without louis. from the very beginning, he'd fantasized about living forever with the boy, spending the rest of their lives in each other's arms. it was hasty, he knew, but if it were louis, then it wouldn't be so much of a stretch. he was convinced that they were it for each other as soon as their eyes met for the first time.

so when his thoughts dragged harry through the depths of worst-case scenarios and catastrophic situations that it'd conjured up in a whirlwind of anxiety in the stiff, faux-leather hospital chairs, it felt like he was bent over that park toilet all over again.

louis was a house with no windows. you can see him from the outside and get a vague idea of what he's like, but whatever is going on behind closed doors remains a mystery. and unless the boy himself invites you in, there is nothing harry can do about it. a boy that loves literature, writes poetry, smiles the most beautiful smile, the most caring and selfless person he knew- might slip right through his fingers, because he hadn't seen the egregiousness of his pain.

harry wasn't sure how much time passed before the doctor from earlier reappeared from the ICU. he was far too lost in his thoughts, but he assumed that it was substantial amount of time, as he was overcome by this exhaustion that couldn't have manifested itself within a short period.

the doctor had all gray features, so much so that harry thought he had been plucked out of the real world and put in a film made in the mid-twentieth century. he had gray hair, gray eyes, a thick gray beard, and almost graying skin. or maybe harry was simply imagining things in the core of his panic.

zayn was the first to stand, frantically trying to figure out what was going on. "is he okay? what's wrong with him? why were you in there with him for so long?" he demanded, all remnants of courtesy flying out the window.

"calm down, sir. if you would please. may i ask what relationship you have to mr. tomlinson? i hesitate to disclose such private information."

zayn looked furious, lips gleaming with saliva from having yelled. "we are the people who brought him here. i'm his friend, and harry's his-"

"boyfriend. i'm his boyfriend." the younger boy was startled by his own answer; having suddenly snapped out of his daze and telling a barefaced lie.

zayn raised his eyebrows at harry, but nevertheless went with it. "right. harry's his boyfriend, he has the right to know about louis."

"and his family? have you contacted his family?" the doctor questioned, only irking zayn even more with each passing second.

"yes! i've called his mother," he shouted, to which harry gave him a questioning look, and zayn responded with a nod, confirming that it was true. the green-eyed boy felt a twinge of guilt shoot through him; he hadn't even thought about contacting louis' family, nor did he know anything about his family. "his family is in doncaster, and i couldn't give them any detail about lou's condition so they're hesitant to make the trip down here." zayn said pointedly.

"alright. i hear you. please calm down," the doctor sighed resignedly. "mr. tomlinson suffered from a seizure as a result of what we can assume to be anorexia nervosa. luckily, he will not suffer from any long-term brain damage as a result, but he's extremely malnourished and his blood sugar levels were dangerously low, so we gave him an IV and a feeding tube. we're waiting on the remainder of the bloodwork to return so that we can further assess the situation. but it was already quite grave- he had bradycardia and was at risk of congestive heart failure at any moment. he broke his wrist from the fall, as his bone density greatly decreased from what a normal adult's should be. had you two not found him when you did, he may not have lived through this."

harry felt his head spinning once more, guilt and fear flooding through his veins. louis may not have lived if they didn't find him early enough. he would have been robbed of his sunshine if zayn and himself became lost in conversation and hadn't noticed how long he was in the bathroom. harry humored this thought when they were in the taxi, but this felt so much more undeniably forthright.

zayn cut in. "can we see him?"

"i'm reluctant to allow more than one person with him at once for a few reasons," the doctor glared. "he's not stable yet."

zayn softened, looking at harry. "you want to go?"

harry almost wanted to refuse. he didn't want to see the boy he loved look so lifeless in a hospital bed. if things didn't seem real now, they would be, with louis' thin body connected to all these machines he couldn't even pronounce and tubes going in and out of him from every direction. but he couldn't back out now. "i… yeah."

"understood. follow me…"

"harry styles."

"right. follow me, mr. styles."

the waiting room had smelled faintly of disinfectant, but in the room it was much more potent, making harry's lungs tighten at the scent's sharpness. everything was white, as if it were a movie. harry wasn't exactly unfamiliar with hospitals, per se, but he rarely had to go. his family was generally quite healthy, and his asthma was never so severe that it called for an ER visit.

louis' skin was a sickly yellow, hair much thinner than harry had remembered it. he was in a hospital gown, and the younger realized how blatant the ocean boy's illness was. and how stupid he was for not forcing the boy to the hospital before it had gotten this bad.

"we put him in a medically-induced coma to avoid the risk of him waking up while we were inserting the feeding tube. he'll regain consciousness sometime within the next 48 hours. when he does, we highly recommend having him speak with a psychologist and putting him into intensive care for his eating disorder as soon as everything stabilizes." the doctor looked at harry with sympathy. "but he'll be fine. you don't have to worry so much; mr. tomlinson is in good hands."

"r-right," harry breathed, "thank you so much…"

"i've got to get going to the next patient. have a good rest of your day, sir," the doctor said while exiting the room, to which the boy laughed at cynically. there was nothing about this that was good.

and just like that, it was only harry his ocean boy again.