I want him back. (4)

(James' POV)

She hid under the blankets, crying, I took a deep breath and focused on helping her. "I'm sorry, daddy's here", I started rubbing her back, worried. "Please... please tell me what's wrong. Lilla, please!".

"It's Kevin!", she screamed, crying even more.

I felt extremely guilty, I pulled down the blankets and hugged her tightly. "I'm so sorry, we don't have to talk about that right now, just let me be here".

We stayed there until she stopped crying, I made her sit up with me and kissed her forehead.

"I'm sorry, daddy. I didn't mean to do that", she looked down.

"It's okay, I just... I don't understand exactly what happened".

"We used to make doughnuts together all the time", she explained, closing her eyes and hiding in my chest.

I wrapped my arms around her, "I didn't know... All I wanted was to make you happy. Can you forgive me?", I asked.

She nodded, "I forgive you, there's no way you could've known, I know I don't talk much about my brother. I just miss him, daddy, it never gets easier and soon it's gonna be seven years since that happened and it's ouch here", Lilla pointed at her chest and it broke my heart, I knew how much she loved Kevin and she needed to talk to someone about what happened. I tried to ask her multiple times but she seemed to not be able to get it off her chest, something was stopping her and I needed to figure out what it was.

"You're not alone, I know I can't bring him back but you're here, you're suffering and I want to help you", I was willing to try to get to know more about her past again. There was something dark behind the walls she had created, just to protect herself from something that she probably couldn't even control.

"He's dead, no one can help!", she sounded so deeply hurt, I could understand no one could change the past but I thought I could help if I knew more, if she finally opened up about what happened that night when, according to what she told me, strangers broke in her house and shot her brother while trying to steal a big amount of money from her family, one of the richest ones in her city. "I can still see him, all the blood...", she cried in my arms.

"Did you see it? Did you see what happened?" I was shocked, a twelve year old shouldn't have had to go through something as horrifying as that.

"I shouldn't be talking about this, I'm sorry", she was trying to hide everything again.

"No, it's okay, you can talk to daddy".

"You don't understand, if he finds out I'm dead".

I couldn't understand what she was talking about, "who? No one's gonna hurt you".

"He has before, he won't hesitate to do it again", all I could see in her face was anger, I never saw that side of herself before and I was genuinely concerned.

"Who hurt you?", I looked at her and held her hands.

"I can't tell you".

"Please, I won't tell anyone, you can trust me".

She took a deep breath, taking a few seconds to reply. "My dad, he um... used to hit me if I ever said a word about Kevin, we weren't allowed to talk about him. He hasn't been the same since that night".

I started crying too, I couldn't imagine how terrible she felt. I let her hide in my neck as we cried together. "You're safe now, daddy's gonna protect you".

She fell asleep in my arms and my mind was a mess, I had so many questions, mixed emotions and I couldn't help but wonder how many other things she was hiding deep in her chest.