Burnout

Several minutes, close to an hour probably just like before passing by. We were almost down, very close but not yet. I looked around and saw a lot of red pools, well, that's how you end up if you fall from up there… There are no bones, nothing besides blood that resembled a human. But I felt nothing at this point, I saw a lot of stuff that should make me puke and did, but this is almost nothing. I looked at the man beside me, Marcus at my side. Even if he was here already many times and saw this same thing probably even more, but seeing that deer must've done a lot to him. Changed some things in his mind, Namtufare is surely much stronger than the general. A lot stronger, she is an almost infinite being actually… He can't have a chance while fighting her, but then, why didn't she try to stop the general from killing those animals? Very weird.

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We finally descended, it took some time but once we got there I felt a strong relief. Even if we are back in this shithole the thing that changed something in me now, is the weather. The very nice cozy weather, something the same as the cave which felt like something welcoming. Almost like a house. We gave all of our stuff we got from up there to assigned soldiers. They expected that only about 50-60 people would come down, that's very pessimistic… But it does make sense, the environment up there is completely impossible to live in. The animals there, the weather, the lack of food, and just sheer fear of meeting an animal there and not a real fight.

"Those must've been painful deaths…" I quietly whispered to Matthew, now he feels like the only person I can actually talk to. Very weird… I felt the least connection to him and yet he is now the last person I can talk to at this point. It really just feels uncomfortable but well… If I have one person I will talk to one person.

"They probably died from a heart attack before even hitting the ground. Probably pretty painful, more than hitting the ground actually. It would be just an instant death, aye…" He seemed a little sad while looking at the dark red substance sitting on the ground not being cleaned yet. I hope they can live well in heaven or hell, even in hell you might find respite. If not, that devil wouldn't talk to me would it?

"Do you think it would really be less painful than a heart attack?" I don't even know why I asked that question but somehow I had to. It made it feel more like… Me, the unsure me that they all well know. Bog doesn't, he is looking at me oddly from time to time.

"Well, it makes sense, doesn't it? If he dies in an instant he won't feel anything. The heart attack is quick but you feel the chest pain before death more than the fall." This is the same answer I had in my head at the start, didn't matter. Keeping my 'fake' face down is much more important. I hope that Lucas won't find it like that, even if I almost don't know him. Well, he is still my brother… He is important to me.

"At least it's hot down here…" I murmured under my nose, a small glimpse onto someone. It was Bog, an impulse went through his body as if he heard something, he did probably. I said it very quietly but he still heard me while standing right in front of me. But he ignored it, he didn't want to say anything.

We got a lot of stuff but this is the last day. Time has passed… Very slow, immensely slow. Tomorrow we will break out, we will do anything to get out of here. We have half the manpower on our floor but well, there are a lot more prisoners in that place. I hope there aren't many guards up there. I hope that all we can see when we are up here are all there are. Around a hundred at least, but not more than 150 for sure. But it's time to go back to our cell, to the hotter place. Something at least. After giving all of our stuff back to them we went back to our cells. Slowly but surely, getting to the ring, waiting for the stairs, going down to the cells with guards all around.

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The sandy hole… Back here, but I will be out tomorrow. I hate this place, sand got into my mouth the moment I stepped onto our floor. I really hate this feeling, a hard rock inside of my mouth. I can't even munch on my own spit at this point, it feels so weird… This will be the last day Hayden, just go to sleep and forget about all of this. Tomorrow is the day, or in two days? God… If it's two days it will destroy me in my mind. The guard left and we were back in our cell.

"Are we leaving tomorrow or the day after?" I asked them now very unsure and at the edge of breaking into tears. Emotions… F*ck, I hate them so much… So, much. I just want to run away, spread out my destroyed hair. Take a shower after such a long time, I just want to be out of here, I am tired of the sand, the iron bars, hearing the pain out here. The suffering of everyone here. Even the deserving, they can't f*cking run away from judgment, they can't survive long enough.

"Two days," Marcus answered me and put me almost into a cry. A lament wanted to take me over. But I won't do it, I won't try to cry. I don't care anymore, I will just go to sleep… Wake up the next morning and start training.

And so I did… I just went to bed, no more words were said in the room. I'm tired…

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Darkness, a whirl of white in front, a purple one on the left, a red one on the right. All around me, the whirls started spinning. The wind blew into me from all directions. Surging through my soul, my heart felt cold as well.

"Where am I? What are those things?" With a strong quake, I almost fell. Something happened, I closed my eyes when it shook me, and when I opened them once again. I appeared in my city… I appeared in Laylia, the white bricks, the few flowers. Large dark tower, and building on my left. My house where I lived with Flore, on the right then a building that looked like my mother's and father's main house. In front of me, the clock tower. What does it mean? I don't understand what it means. Why am I in this place now, at least it's not pitch black…

I started walking, first to my house, but each step put me further behind. I wasn't blocked by the other building. It felt almost as if it was infinite, unending. I stopped trying to walk in that direction, instead, I started walking towards the church… The second place I would go to. And now… I walked to the third building, my parent's house. Nothing blocked me, no walking back when walking forward. I just walked to that very place, slowly. Standing before the doors, my hand descending slowly on the handle. Fear… Is that… Fear? Slowly going down my spine, the feeling I mostly wanted to escape… It's there, I know it, the painful fear lingering from the hand and head.

I opened the door slowly, hearing a loud shriek. When they have fully opened once again I heard something more. It's… My own voice, the screams. It's that memory. With my hand still on the handle, I felt it shivering as if I had some kind of sickness. There was no one else in the house though, I followed the screams. It led me to the basement. The doors down there, a door that seemed far larger than I remember. I opened them, me on the table, my brother with the whip. Hitting my back with all strength, the scars left by those swings started burning my back. It felt like a real fire, I ignored the pain. A voice of a woman came out from the place where I was standing. A woman's voice, the one that saved me, I am here now. Why am I here now? I mean, it's good that she did that but, what a coincidence. Why is it showing it to me and why am I in this perspective. Was I… The one that saved me? What the hell…

I ran out from that place, leaving me and my brother who was already leaving the basement. That was the moment when the real hate began. Storming out from that place made me feel guilty that I didn't just rush inside and help myself. If I could even do that… Where am I, it's so confusing… What is this place, what's the time��� Wait, time? Time...