The happier the memory, the painful it can become

As always, Aaron walks me home.

"You sure you're gonna be okay?" he asked for the 76th time when we finally arrived in front of my house. "I told you..Yes" I reassured him to which he sighed. "Okay, I get it", he said.

"See you next lesson, Lou" he ruffles my hair as he jogs away from me, waving. I was mesmerized by the sudden ruffle, but ended up waving too as a response.

Lately, I've been feeling something I can't explain. I seem to be at ease when I'm with Aaron and when I'm not...I long for it. I've been at the top, feeling excited and happy like a little child. But..as what they always say, the happy the memories, the painful it can become. It can even be terrifying.

As I enter the house, I see my mom pacing back and fourth as if she was waiting for me to come back. Her face darkened when she saw my face.

"What is the meaning of this, El?!" she shrieked. Here we go again.

"Mom..Let me explain" she slaps my arms reaching out to her. "I don't need excuses El. Why are you hanging out with that boy instead of practicing! Are you becoming a slut?!"

"..What?"

I was hurt by what she said. I don't even know if she's my mother anymore.

"You better stop this nonsense or so God help me, I'll assure you that you will never go outside of this house" she pointed at me.

"Mom..Listen to me. Don't do th—"

"No! I'll break your legs if I have to if you don't stop this!" she exhales deeply while tears were forming from my eyes. She'd even go there just to stop me from hanging out with people.

"..Mom.." I trembled, controlling myself so I wouldn't cry.

"When will you stop being a disappointment?"

Tears began falling with what she said. I couldn't handle it anymore. For the first time, I walked out of my mom.

The one who I've always wanted to be proud of me..sees me nothing as a tool. A tool for her amusement. I went to my room to take a shower, tears still streaming down my face. I can't seem to stop.

I went inside and I stand in front of the mirror and study my face.…It is the face of a sad, lonely girl something bad has happened to. I wonder if my face will ever look the same again, or if I'll always see it in my reflection - heartache, grief, death.

I wiped my tears yet new tears stream down. Did I deserved this? It was more than crying, it was the kind of desolate sobbing that comes from a person drained of all hope. I sank to my knees as the water falls through my body, not caring about anything. My tears mingled with the water and my gasping wails echoed around the shower.

I gasped, tears still running down my face, like the water flowing through the drain. I've never really understood emotions. But I understand this. This is a heartbreak.

I got out of the shower, put on some clothes and I saw the piano. I sat on the piano bench as I began playing a piece. There, I put all the emotions I've never understood. I put it all. Because if I do, I feel relief. Music washes away the dust of everyday life from the soul . I do my best thinking at night when everyone else is sleeping. No interruptions. No noise. I like the feeling of being awake when no one else is.

As I play the piano, Aaron's face popped out inside my head. I don't really know much about him nor his parents. There's still plenty things unknown.

Another day, I don't want to see my mom right now but what can I do? We live together. I'm bound to see her. I walked downstairs and saw my mother in the kitchen. I let out a silent sigh and tried to move my lips a bit, getting ready to give my mother a reassuring smile. I managed to pull my cheeks and bare my teeth, hoping that constituted a smile. But judging from my mother's reaction, it wasn't very convincing. I quickly walked towards the front door, hoping I could just slip out.

"El!"my mom's voice came from behind just as I was about to turn the door knob.

"..Hmm?"

I don't have the energy to fight again right now. I can't even look at her. Just hearing her voice makes me remember what she said last night. And I can't just get over it with not even a day has passed.

"Remember what I said, El. You know they won't stay long. The only thing that's going to stay long is music. Stop this nonsense" she said in a serious tone yet she remains calm.

I didn't answer her, I turn the door knob and walked outside the gate. I can tell that she's trying to keep herself calm when in reality, she wants to lock me up again. That's how I see it. I don't know where to go for its Saturday. Usually, I have practice but I told Sir beforehand that I'll be taking a day off.

I was walking when I saw a cafe that's named, 'Lucidity of Love'. A tempting cafe for lots of people seem to be around.

I could see the cheerful and brilliant lighting of the shop as I walked across the street. There were tables outside the shop each with a brown vintage style umbrella.It also has a book corner in the left hand side of the shop where we can buy books. I can tell that they make very good coffee as well.

I pushed the transparent glass door and as I enter the cafe, I was surrounded by this pleasing aroma. The rich aroma of coffee was detectable. The costumers were quite many yet it remains quiet, which I find lovely.

I made my way to the coffee bar at the end of the shop made of reclaimed wood. A barista stood before me. He welcomed me with a charming smile. I ordered for an iced tea and as I wait, the surrounding really relaxes me. The soft music playing and the people.

"Iced coffee for Ms. Louella" as the barista gives me my cup.

I was about to say "thank you" when I saw Aaron's face wearing a vintage apron, pairing his white t-shirt and pants.

"..Lou?"

I didn't know he was working. And here too.

"I didn't expect you to be here" he chuckled.

"I could say the same thing. I didn't know you work"

"Oh. I guess I never told you..Anyways, are you okay? You eyes are swollen. And wearing glasses doesn't hide it, Lou.."

I was focusing of him working at this cafe that I didn't even notice myself.

"O-oh..I'm fine. I scratched it earlier"

"You were crying..weren't you?" I just stared at him and there he found his answer.

"My shift is about to end. Wait for me" as he walks away from me. He sounded irritated so best tell him everything now.

I paid for my coffee at the next counter. The aged wooden floor creaked beneath me as I was walking towards my table. I made myself comfortable on a bulky wooden chair. When I was about take the first sip of my cup of coffee the looks of the cup caught my eye. It had a very rich vintage look itself. The cup was in white and the details were in bronze. The fresh hot coffee warmed my palms as I took the first sip. The invigorating smoky taste was heavenly. As I lifted my eye from the cup, a group of attractive young man came inside the cafe. I continue to look at them when I saw someone familiar.

"Jax?" I uttered.

"Lou? How's the coffee?" Aaron called out to me. "It's delicious.." I smiled to which he smiled back. "I know, right?" he giggles. I look back to the group of boys earlier and didn't see them anymore. They must have gone to the very end of the cafe. Maybe I was just seeings things.

"Where do you want to go?" He asked me as we get outside the cafe.

"Anything in your mind?" I asked back. I don't know where to go.

"Oh..I know somewhere. Let's go" as he drags me to the car and started driving somewhere again. I take a good long look at him. Thoughts suddenly came up to my mind. I'll definitely miss this kind of moments when the time comes.