20) Normal People: Bailey

"So you kiss girls?" William asked, looking at Bailey in awe.

"Well... yeah, I guess I will one day."

Bailey remembered that day in the garden with Emma, ashamedly. Her parents would never approve, and her own morals did not agree either. As time had gone on, she had begun to feel more and more regretful about her actions. She never should have kissed her best friend, it had changed everything.

The way they use to talk to one another, the way they use to tell each other everything... it was replaced with an awkward silence. An uncomfortable silence, that hid them both from the truth that they were unwilling to face.

Bailey felt that their friendship was dwindling because of that kiss, and she was worried. She was afraid to lose her only friend. She was afraid of being alone once more.

She felt as if she could not tell Emma everything anymore because she was afraid of not being perfect for her. She was afraid of not being able to please her, or make her feel like she was not committed to this new type of relationship that had formed.

Being friends was tiring, but that was nothing compared to a real relationship...

Bailey felt drained, and she sincerely wished that they could go back to being "just friends".

"So you are lesbian?" Dad asked, his forehead creasing with the stern statement.

"Yes Dad. I like girls, not boys"

"Girls only?" Mom asked, her voice shaking a little bit.

Bailey wondered why Mom sounded as if she was about to cry. Mom had seemed as if she would be far more accepting than Dad when Bailey decided to come out, but there they both were, looking stern and rather surprised.

She had expected it from Dad, but she most certainly had no thought that Mom would have any problem with it. Mom had portrayed herself as someone who accepted all sexualities, but here she sat, struggling to come to terms with the fact that her eldest was lesbian.

Having had her seventeenth birthday that week, Bailey had decided to fulfil her promise to herself and come out as gay to her parents. She had also decided that it was the right time to do it as she finally accepted herself for who she was, and she knew that she was indeed lesbian.

Whilst accepting herself did not mean that she had to come out to anybody, she had already decided that she had to accept herself before she told her parents. She could not expect them to accept her unless she accepted herself first.

It was a big moment in Bailey's life, a moment that she wished Emma could be part of, but she had not even told Emma that she planned on coming out. She just felt like Emma would not understand or might become anxious. Not only that, Bailey also felt very uncomfortable with talking about her sexuality to Emma now.

It seemed that any conversation about sexuality would lead directly to a conversation about the kiss. Talking about the kiss, was the very last thing that Bailey wanted to do.

Everything had gone exactly according to plan. At the supper table, that Friday night, Bailey had announced to her parents that she had something to tell them. She had told them that she was lesbian, and had known for a very long time.

At first Mom and Dad had said nothing, but the silence was interrupted by William asking in surprise if it meant that she would be kissing girls and buying sperm from the special shop.

William's rather excited reaction had helped to lighten the situation, and Bailey had not been able to help laughing as she answered her little brother.

Bailey had not had high expectations for her father's reaction, but was rather surprised at how concerned her mother seemed to be.

"Bailey, it is just a phase that you are going through. You must not let other people influence you or make any life changing decisions just yet. Wait a while, please Bailey. I don't think that you are lesbian, you don't look like a lesbian."

"Mom, I know that this is a surprise to you, but I know that I am gay. If a person is able to know that they are straight from seventeen, why can I not know that I am gay from the same age?"

"But you don't look like a lesbian, Bailey. You look so normal."

"Gays are normal people too." William interrupted, dutifully repeating what Bailey had taught him almost a full year ago.

Bailey smiled slightly at her brother's second interruption. Not only had he succeeded in lightening the situation, but he had also stated a valuable point that both Mom and Dad needed to hear.

"William is correct. People don't always fit into the stereotype of a gay person, we are all different. You get lesbians who are tomboys, ones that are girlie, and some that are both or in-between. It is the same with any one of the sexualities. It is wrong to look at someone and decide their sexuality by their appearance."

"I understand." Dad said, nodding slowly.

It was the first time he had spoken in a while. His face had softened drastically, and he looked eager to learn more about his daughter.

"How long have you known?" He asked, seeming genuinely interested.

"Since I was fifteen, but the signs were there far before that, and I suspected it for a while before then too."

"What type of signs do you mean?"

Bailey paused, she could not give too much away about Emma, but she also needed to properly convince her parents that she was mature enough to know that she was gay. She had to tell them something convincing that would make them believe her.

"Well for starters, I always played the male role I any role-playing game when we were younger."

"So you want to be a boy?" Mom interrupted, looking confused, and slightly horrified.

"No, no, not at all. Being gay does not mean that you are transgender, although it is possible. It is just a common sign that a lot of gays experience at a young age. I still want to be a girl, but I also want to look after my future wife or girlfriend, not the other way around."

Bailey explained all this patiently. She understood that it was difficult for her parents to take in, and she wanted to make it as easy as possible for them to understand. She also knew that being patient with them was he best approach.

"Okay" Dad began, "what can we do to help you or support you?"

"You don't have to do anything, but accept me for who I am. Some parents may need support, so I am fine if you feel the need to talk to someone about this. I am not ashamed of who I am."

"I am proud of you Bailey." Dad said, smiling at her, "I know that it is not an easy thing to do, to come out to your parents, and I want you to know that we support you and still love you the same."

Bailey looked at Mom, she was silent. Her face was crumpled and she was slowly rocking back and fourth on her chair.

"Mom?"

Quietly, Mom stood up, and left the table and her meal uneaten. She headed straight for the front door, and Bailey heard the door shut with a bang, shaking in it's frame.

"Dad?" Bailey asked, her voice trembling

"Don't worry Bailey, she needs some time to think, so we will give it to her. I will talk to her tonight, but I am sure that she will come around soon."