Better By Myself (Part 2)

Two and a half million dollars could make a man feel free, even if he wasn't. No more job at her dad's Biff Co. though, that was a huge plus in all this. To no longer be tied down to not just her, but her father and the "family business."

The "one day this will all be yours," speech was something her father wanted to give to his own son, but that kid was a complete fucking moron. His father knew it too, that's why daddy dearest had that conversation with Nick... the week before his daughter ruined his life by fucking another man.

It wasn't just a one time thing either. Apparently she'd been cheating with the bastard for over eight months, at least. They had gone through how many holidays together? Some of that last spring, both of their birthdays, all that summer, Halloween, Thanksgiving, ... The Christmas gifts he'd given her.... What a despicable monster she was to him now!?

He sometimes couldn't catch his breath when he thought about it. Nick had never done anything to deserve it. He wasn't perfect, but he knew he didn't deserve this. ... Well, he didn't deserve the emotional pain of such a heart wrenching breakup, but that $2.5 million for having to deal with this shit, that on the other hand.... Very few other men deserved such restitution.

These days, Nick's hair had some random grays, and his well trimmed beard was getting white in the goatee zone of his face. His weight had fluctuated over the last few years. He had put on a few pounds, when they were happy, and maybe a few more when he didn't know she was doing what she was doing.

When it all came out about her affair, his depression sent him into a spiral of pain and self pity, that it left him without an appetite for months. So at 47, his eyes didn't have the same spark they did before all this pain ruined his life. The humiliation left his shoulders slumped and he just didn't hold his head up like he used to, which made him seem shorter and like he had no confidence. Which was true. His ego was shattered. His body weighed just under 200 lbs.

Nick had had it all, and lost it, through no fault of his own. Like an investor who put every last dime into buying Tesla stocks, only to have Elon, a day later, pull a level 4 Musk bomb on twitter, dropping the stock price to a place investors can hardly ever recover from. That's how he felt. Like he could never recover, no matter how much time and energy his friends invest in him. The love his life had been centered around was no more.

Nicholas Hamilton.

He wrote it again, and again, and again on page, after page, after page. Initial here, and here, and here. He held back the tears of finality. He was too angry for that now, well, maybe that's what they were, tears of angry finality.

By the time he was done, writing his name under hers, dozens of times, across a portfolio of pages, his hand hurt, almost as much as his heart. No, it wasn't a heart attack or a stroke. It was that anxious ache that radiated out from his solar plexus, making it hard to breath. The gut-punch of treachery, from someone you thought, cared.

He wondered if that feeling would ever pass for good. It hurt so much, all the time. His soul was still shredded. He wondered if he would ever recover. It was already 17 months since he held another person in his arms. Well, besides his "sister", Dinah, that is. She hugged him a couple times a week. She was his emotional rock for the last year and five months. His gym buddy and his confidant. Dinah would always be his true north.

During his worst months, Dinah moved in with him. Nine weeks of crying she put up with from him, just to make sure he didn't do anything stupid. Nick had thought about it a couple times, but never seriously. Usually just when he was driving, alone. That's when it hurt the most. That's when he would review those months. Remember the moments that now make sense, only after the fact. The few, if any, thoughts of self-harm, dissipated, seconds after they arose. The pity he had for himself went only so deep and then his anger would kick in, before he lost himself to defeat.

However, when Dinah was around, Nick could remember days before he had ever even met the dreaded ex. Dinah's presence reminded him of that time of innocence in his life, the one he had before the pain took his breath away.

The lawyers handed the last folder to Doug, said their standard pleasantries, and escorted the men out of the building. Doug smiles, as the wind picks up around them; he suggests, "Care to buy me some breakfast at the Broad Street Diner? I think you can afford it, right?"

Nick smiled back and said "Not until I get that check deposited. I've seen the way you eat."

"Nice, here's our Uber, come on man? Let me hand you the check over some food?"

"I'm serious man. I need this. I want that check deposited in the next hour. I want her and her father to know, I got what I was owed."

***

"OK Mr. Hamilton," the branch manager said, "Your funds have been deposited. There will be a hold over the weekend, on all but $5,000 of it, which you can access right away. Is there anything else I can do for you today?"

"No Ma'am, that will do." he had always spoken to everyone with as much respect as possible, it was just how he was raised. Many of his friends thought he was too formal, or at least needed to loosen up. They might have been right, but he was a relatively good person and had many friends of his own, even though he also lost a few in the divorce, mostly her friends.

Except Jay, who was the only real friend he ever met through his ex wife. They were all so fake. Except Jay, who was the one who caught her, and told Nick the truth. He couldn't think about Jay now. He could hardly think straight at all.

Doug was still waiting for breakfast, as much as for Nick to finish cashing his check. Nick saw his gray suit from a mile away, but the funny part was the intense ambidexterity Doug was showing; furiously typing with one hand and smoking a cigarette with the other. Nick really appreciated Doug's sincerity, at least he liked the sincere relationship they shared. Besides the covering up of a surprise party once, there was not one lie the other thought was between them.

They played cards together mostly. Until this happened, most of Nick's friends were old college buddies, or fellow nerds who played the same game. Nick always lost to Doug though. Doug just always had his number in that game. Nick used to challenge him with something new every week, and the rare occasions Nick won, were memorable, because they were so few and far between.