Something I never had

The cloudy skies were floating away as I walked down the street. I wondered why the girl was so nice to me. I didn't understand it; why talk to someone you don't know. Dave was at the end of the street unloading the delivery truck.

"Hey Dave, can you tell the girl inside that I said thank you? Just tell her when she wakes up. She fell asleep on the table-top while we were talking."

"Yea, sure I can. Be safe."he said.

"I will!" I yelled as I kept walking down the road. Julian was a lovely looking girl. And to be honest, she isn't my type. I know she was just being nice and helpful, but it was good and all, just not the girl I would personally date. She was definitely the girl from the mall a few days ago; she was gorgeous that day and so beautiful. But our conversation today really did bore me out. I was upset about work, and my day was going so well until everything got ruined. When she did come into the pastry shop, I was surprised that a girl like her would decide to come in.

She reminded me of my mom a lot. By her look and her posture; it seems like she was just ready to strike at me with another useless son speech again. I did nothing to deserve such a cruel life that haunts me even now. I should be able to move on from the life I had before and look towards a better happiness for me. My mom lost a wonderful son that she could be proud of, but now she has the bitter taste in her mouth that could never go away. Only when she seeks for an escape. An escape to forget about the hate she has in her heart for me; why have that build up into something it shouldn't be?

The street was busy in the mornings; even though it was around eleven a.m. I looked at each nicely parked car on the side of the road. The neatness struck me, like a lighting bolt hitting a tree. Family is what I wanted; the neatness of the cars gave me a sense of family being around on holidays with the cars lined up down the street. A wife, kids, and maybe a few pets was something I really wanted. Something I didn't always have. Each step was a step closer to home. I was a little weak, but also a little sad (actually more than sad). Where was my happiness and why was I the one to suffer from not having it? Why couldn't it just come to me?

To me, I think the ones that go through the most pain have to work harder than others to find what they're looking for. It's stupid to me, but I guess when you do find it, then you would feel like you could love anyone. And that's what I'm striving for.