Lost

I'm faded like an aged photograph losing its color

Dissonance from myself,

Feeling the thousands of layers inside myself

Separate in a dark room

The pictures of myself developing wrong

Various perspectives of me

Yet nothing matches

Who I am inside.

A face with two names,

Carrying the heaviness of a boy

Staring at his reflection seeing the girl he wants Everyone to stop seeing.

Wishing I could smash my fists into my reflection

Watching my blood stream down

Hoping this feeling will get out of my chest.

If you could read my mind you would be in tears

Suicide is all I think about

It bounces inside my head like a pinball machine

Getting louder and louder

Until it feels like the only option.

Wishing time didn't feel like a winded up clock

Spinning so fast that yesterday felt like forever ago

I don't want to be a lost Polaroid anymore

I don't want to think about suicide anymore,

Nothing feels right or true

A relentless void I try to close out and burn it off

But my back is on a cracked wall so close to Digging this grave I call my home.

I could die here and nobody would know

As my brain chemicals scream for salvation.

Is there a way out after all?

If I lose my grip and fall

Will I die?