Chapter Eight: Heartbreak is a Part of Growing Up

Ren couldn't believe it. His mystery date was Haruto?! He stood in the centre of the diner for a few seconds, debating whether or not he should leave.

"H-H-" he couldn't even say his name. Every crushing memory returned to his mind. Every memory he had tried to forget. He looked into Haruto's eyes, which seemed to be pleading with him to stay, and just like that – Ren crumbled.

He slowly but surely approached the booth, sliding in and sat awkwardly opposite Haruto. His 'date.' Wow, this would be yet another failed date in the sea of many recent ones. This one would hurt the most, however.

"Hi there," Haruto said almost shyly. Ren couldn't believe his tone. It was usually arrogant and cocky.

"Hi."

"How have you been?" Haruto questioned.

"I've been okay," Ren nodded, "how have you been?"

"So-so."

"Ah. I'm sorry…" Ren said, trailing off and looking out the window. Awkward, awkward, awkward!

"So, you're a college student now?" he asked, picking up his menu. His hands were shaking. Ren didn't feel hungry anymore.

"Uh yeah. English Lit," Ren answered, but he refused to look at him.

"Ren, can you look at me?" Haruto said sadly. Ren did.

"I'm sorry for how I treated you before."

"That's not why I can barely look at you," Ren said, averting his eyes, "it's just – all this time you were gay and you belittled my feelings. Heartbreak is a part of growing up. I'm just upset that you made me feel dirty and wrong. You're dirty and wrong too."

Haruto seemed startled to hear that so maturely from Ren's mouth.

"You really have grown up, kid."

"Hm."

"You know what I mean. It's hard for me to see you as anything more than a kid," Haruto began. There it was again. That feeling of utter heartbreak. That crashing feeling, like nausea on a boat. Coming and going in waves – pangs of pain. The pain that Ren had so desperately attempted to forget.

What exactly could he do about it?

A part of him understood why Haruto seen him that way. He had been a teenager when they met. Haruto had been in his thirties. He was a kid…but he wasn't anymore. The waiter approached them then, so they ordered some food and sat in silence for a few minutes. Things had never been that quiet between them. They had always been arguing. It felt weird – and different.

However, Haruto soon began to speak.

"If you don't mind, I'll pay for our meal since I wasted your time."

Ren nodded. He wanted Haruto to pay for it because he HAD wasted his time. Like all the other boys he had been on dates with the past few months. Not a single one of them was worth him. He deserved better.

"Sure. If you really want to," he shrugged. Haruto nodded in response. He was eating fast, obviously desperate to get away from Ren. It was hurting his feelings.

"How's Reiko?" he asked with a mouthful of food.

"Ah, she's great," Ren told him, "she's married again, and they have a son. He's the sweetest little baby I've ever seen. I love him a lot."

"She's married with a kid?" Haruto blinked in surprise. Like he never believed she could possibly achieve it, "well I'm happy she finally has what she wants."

"Mhm. She's loving life."

"And you?"

Ren remained quiet for a second. "Well college life is going well."

"That's all that matters. Love is something that can wait. I don't even understand why a hardworking and dedicated kid such as yourself is even on the market for a boyfriend."

"Because I want one. Why is that bad?" Ren questioned. He was irritating him.

"It's not bad. Not at all. I'm just saying, you've always been dedicated to your studies. It doesn't make sense why you're here."

Ren shrugged, "I guess I thought having a boyfriend would make me forget."

"Forget about?"

Ren slammed his burger down onto the table and stood up. He had to get out of there. Nothing about their meal was pleasant, and as usual, Haruto was belittling his feelings. Why did he ever fall in love with him to begin with?

"Ren?"

"Thank you for the meal. It was delicious, but I have to go home now."

"Ren!" Haruto called, watching the youth scramble towards the doorway. He quickly called the waiter over to pay for the meal, telling him to be quick with the bill. The waiter scurried off to get it for him. Meanwhile, Ren was walking as fast as his legs could carry him towards the train station. Getting out of the vicinity was his main priority – even though he kept bumping into people. He was too annoyed to apologise, even when they demanded it from him.

Before long, he reached the station, and he hid behind a wall while waiting for his train to be called. He couldn't risk Haruto following him, even though he doubted he would. It would be best to let him go, after all. His phone buzzed, so he whipped it out of his pocket to see he had received a text from Hideaki.

"Hey RenRen, how's the date going?"

"Terribly!" Ren responded, "you set me up with Haruto, the guy who rejected me before!"

Hideaki responded almost immediately with, "I'm sorry, Ren! Where are you?"

"The station. I'm going home. I hate this. It's okay, though. I know you didn't mean any harm to me.

"There you are!"

Pant. Pant.

"You little shit!"

"What the fuck do you want?" Ren demanded, rolling his eyes. Haruto was standing before him, sweating and panting from running and clutching onto his knees, doubled over.

"Fuck, I need to exercise more."

"What. Do. You. Want?"

"I want you to stop running! God, you are fast kid!"

"Stop calling me 'kid.' It's annoying."

"I'll tell you what's annoying," Haruto said, standing up straight. He couldn't stand properly by himself, though, so he was leaning against the pillar beside him, "you're constant childish behaviour."

"If it's annoying, then let me leave. I don't see why you had to follow me, Haruto. It's pointless if you don't want anything to do with me."

"Ren, I don't think you can quite grasp what would happen if I was your boyfriend."

"I know exactly what would happen. Nevertheless, I don't want you to be my boyfriend. I deserve much, much better than you."

"Huh?"

"If you were worth it, maybe I would kiss you and force you to be mine."

"Force me, hm?"

"Well, not exactly. I know you like me, Usami Haruto. I'm not stupid. I'm not going to pretend I don't like you, either. You're on a whole other dimension of handsome – and you're clever. You're not nice, though."

"So what if I did like you? What can you do about it?" Haruto huffed.

"Nothing," Ren shrugged, "only you can do something about it. Only you can be man enough to tell me how you feel about me. I've already done it."

Ren took a step towards him.

���Now it's your turn. Once and for all – tell me what you think of me."

Haruto tensed up. Ren smiled, knowing full well that he had him in that moment. He had him right where he wanted him, under his thumb – or wrapped around it.

"I-I think you're an annoying kid."

Ren took another step towards him. Haruto stayed put.

"And?" another step.

"I think you're small."

"And?" yet another step.

"Loud."

Ren was now pressed against the older man – chocolate eyes staring intently into his. He knew what he wanted – and he knew what Haruto wanted. They wanted each other – badly.

"Fuck it," Haruto huffed, and in one swift movement, he had pinned Ren to the subway wall – kissing him hard. Ren gasped, even though he had been expecting it. It had been his aim, after all. Passers by stared as they walked, but neither of them could see them – and even if they could, they wouldn't have cared. They were too busy entangled in one another, making out, tongues dancing. Years' worth of oppressed emotions finally crashing to the shore.

Unfortunately for them, they had to pull back after a minute or so for breath. Ren tugged on Haruto's shirt collar. Haruto's eyes flickered with emotion.

"What?" Ren asked, noticing the tears forming.

"That's the second-best kiss I've ever experienced in my life."

Ren pouted, "second best? Really? That's what you say after an amazing kiss like that?"

Haruto laughed, "jumping to conclusions as always. You really are a kid."

"Then prove me wrong!" Ren snapped.

"The best kiss I've ever had was the night I kissed you outside the diner."

Ren continued to pout, unsure of how to respond, but a smile soon cracked on his lips. Maybe he was an annoying kid – but Haruto liked him anyway. Haruto pressed a soft peck against his pouted lips.

"Third best."

"Haruto," Ren giggled. He did it again.

"Fourth best."

"I get it," Ren was laughing.

"How about we do this again soon? This time…without running away."

"I'd like that" Ren grinned, "a proper date, yeah?"

"Yeah. Give me your number."

Ren and Haruto exchanged numbers. Then they said their goodbyes with a small peck and a long hug before Ren ran to his train. He smiled the whole way home and explained what happened to Hideaki – who was happy for him. As he entered his home later that evening, his phone buzzed in his pocket. Reaching in to grab it, he seen it was a text from Haruto.

"Fifth best – and also, I think you're the cutest thing I've ever seen."

Ren chuckled, feeling his chest warm up.

"What are you smiling at?" Reiko giggled from the doorway to the kitchen. Ren was startled, but he kept his cool. However, he couldn't stop smiling.

"Is it a girl?" she winked. Ren laughed.

"Yeah. Something like that."

Reiko squealed with joy, entering the kitchen and calling him in, "you have to tell me all about her. Where's she from? Her name? Her age? Her major, or her job?"

"I'd rather not," Ren laughed, entering the kitchen with her, "maybe some other time."

"Ah, it's still early days. Don't worry, it'll be fine. You're a handsome boy," she cupped his cheeks in her hands, "and anyone would be lucky to have you."

"Thanks, Reiko" he said, still smiling from ear to ear.

He went into his room shortly afterwards and lay down on his bed. Another text came. He quickly glanced at it.

"Ignoring me now? Have I gone too far?"

"Not at all," he quickly typed, "I was just getting settled. That's so sweet of you."

Haruto replied fast, "I'm lonely here without you, Ren."

"Horny more like" Ren replied.

"That too, but that's not important."

Ren chuckled. "Someday we can sleep together. Someday when you love me."

"Makes sense. I look forward to it."

"I'm going to sleep. I'm so tired. I look forward to hearing from you."

"Goodnight cutie, sleep well."

"Goodnight handsome."

Ren placed his phone on charge, then got dressed into some pyjamas and slipped under the covers. He fell asleep with Haruto on his mind – all the while in total disbelief that they had been reunited. Fate works in mysterious ways – and Ren had just found that out.