Self-forgiveness is impossible

Danny was solving a case of a double homicide and a suicide when he felt another wave of nausea hit him and he threw up all over his trash can as he moaned and whimpered, he sighed and mumbled 

"Better go see a doctor, maybe I can get a prescription for prenatal, while I am at it"

He then went to the hospital and was able to meet up with his doctor, who then gave him prenatal to take everyday, once a day during breakfast. He bitterly sighed as he was given the letter of summons to the courthouse and he started doing his paperwork after his appointment and he was starting to feel as if the whole world was crushing him, and yet in a way, there was a strange sense of normalcy that his family tried to maintain around him, his grandfather Henry made it his personal mission to make phone calls to Danny during break and ask him how he was doing, of course this made Danny feel ever so cared about, he felt good inside because at least someone cared enough to check on him. 

The indictment hearing was the worst thing Danny had dealt with since the IAB, since Thomas Wilder and Mario Hunt as well as Sonny Malevsky, he sat on the leather bound chair with Rafael Barba in front of him. He knew these people would indict a ham sandwich and fry it to hell for good measure. Danny was still so traumatized from the rape that he was unable to bring forth the full details of the rape and how much destruction they wreaked upon his body and his mind as well as his soul. He was only able to speak of the rape in sanitized, censored terms, as if one could ever sanitize the destruction of a human being. Danny also noticed how Jamie seemed to have more time now a days to spend time with him after work to play the Xbox and some video games, he enjoyed the brotherly time and he didn't mind all the time he was spending with Jamie and Joe, but sometimes Danny felt as though they were being a bit overbearing in this case. He knew shit had hit the fan in terms of his personal life and he hated to admit that the extra family time and the added sense of normalcy was starting to help him in a way that he hated to acknowledge was starting to make him heal. However there was still much damage still left to be addressed, like the fact that he still wasn't able to sleep most nights and woke up screaming loudly at night seeing William Lewis and it was so unbearable, he often saw in his dreams, Lewis stalking into his room, tying him up and raping him, before drenching him in gasoline and striking the match and lighting it on fire, burning him alive and burning down the house as well, two birds in one stone. Even Barba warned him that the defense would consist of Rita Calhoun and John Buchanan, both of them were famous defense attorneys and Danny had almost no respect for them in any way whatsoever. 

 That night Danny went to Peter Stone's house and laughed bitterly aloud

"They fried my ass off like I was the one who was the rapist, they might as well try Rafael Barba next for murder one." 

Danny snorted aloud as Peter sighed

"That's the criminal justice system for you, especially the defense attorneys, you can't let them get to you like that. Things will get tougher from here on out so keep yourself ready, okay, and another thing...Eames is dead. This will only get harder from here on out."

Danny sighed as he looked down and wondered if the Beast had raped her too before shooting her dead, he could only wonder what terrible things had happened to her before she was brutally murdered in cold blood.