Tyler

Dear Diary,

I don’t even know why I’m bothering with this, but I suppose there’s nothing better to do. My day has been quite normal today – I went to hang out with my friends with girls staring after me wherever I go. Living the dream right! Well… not really. Everyone always thinks that I’m having the best life ever and they would all KILL to be me (not being egotistical here). But something weird is going on. I thought I was just imagining it but I’m not joking. Whenever I’m on my own and leave everyone…a wave of doom and dread comes over me…and it’s like I start thinking about things I don’t want to think about. I know it seems hard to understand, but I just start beating myself up purely because I just feel that sudden HATE for myself and I just want to…. Let’s not finish that sentence or this …thing will really start kicking up again. Your first thought would probably be… GET HELP. And believe me, I really WANT to but; if I say one single word about it…Reputation gone. I have a feeling it’s probably me stressing myself out as usual just because of a stupid match I must play. I know I probably won’t do well with it; I’m just useless at everything I do. I couldn’t even talk to a girl properly without just talking about how cool my life is instead of all the deep stuff everyone likes. See? It’s happening again. It’s like some sort of darkness is taking over my body and I don’t know what’s happening to me. Why am I feeling like this – with my life… I’m literally on top of the world where I can do what I like and be who I want. Yet despite this, I honestly wish I could be normal – I know I know weird right? But why don’t YOU try being in my shoes for once instead of assuming that I have the best of everything. I doubt anyone understands me though; everyone just thinks that I’m an awesome person who has the King Midas gold touch. Well little do they know…. Something big is coming. And I don’t know if I’ll be ready for that…