Lunch

I spent minutes wasting it for crying like an idiot. I don't even know why I am crying. Even I, myself doesn't have the answer for that question.

It's just that, his words hurt me. I tasted pain with his words. I tasted longing, bitterness, melancholy. It feels like we're sharing the same pain.

I may never know who the girl he was pertaining to, but I know it's hurting him. Like how I've been hurting.

And maybe that's what makes the two of us. We both ache for a love story that we're forbidden to have.

I sighed deeply. I was silently sobbing as I made my way home. I still hold the plastic in my hand with my unfinished ice cream. I thought going out to buy this would comfort me, but then, it did otherwise.

Mamita was in our doorway waiting for me when I reached our house. I immediately wiped off the traces of tears I shed awhile ago and ran towards her. Mamita was hugging herself because of the coldness outside. She smiled at me when she saw me approaching.

"Mamita, why are you still awake?" I asked. Mamita looked at me, symphaty is written all over her face. I swallowed the lump in my throat. It feels like she knows what just happened.

"Luna, my dear." she said cupping my left cheek. My heart hurt and a tear fell. A silent sob escaped when Mamita pulled me for a hug.

She didn't ask anything. She just stood there, holding me as I cry. I hugged her back. And that's when I realized that I badly need it so much.

Lately, it's been too much. It feels too heavy that I cannot lift it anymore. No one can help me, I was aware of that. But sometimes, a simple embrace would help a lot for me to feel that I am not alone here.

"Life will be too hard for you, and I need you to be strong." Mamita said.

She never ask even a single question yet, it feels like she knows everything. Like she knows a lot more than what I know and what I failed to say.

I need to be strong. I need to be one. Though lately, I felt weak. And I just wanted to give up. But then... I can't.

---

My eyes are swollen the next day when I go to school. My head is also throbbing because I cried so hard last night. And I badly just want to sleep all day.

Eli was tailing me the whole day telling me stories. I like that she's being like that. The lively friend of mine. It somehow made me focus on her, her life, her stuffs than mine. And I like that. Because I don't want mine.

We are on the hallway and as usual Eli is telling me about the new make up she purchased yesterday. I tried hard to be attentive inspite of my head ache. And then I saw him.

I stood up straight when I saw Adam. The strap of his bag is effortlessly hanging in one of his shoulders. His hair is messy and his eyes are hooded. I almost jump when our eyes met. I blinked and looked away, almost panicking.

Eli continued her story and I saw Adam approaching. I saw him coming to me. His eyes are on mine, never leaving it. I swallowed hard when he's near. And then I closed my eyes tightly and without uttering any word, I dragged Eli out of there.

"And then--- wait. Where are we going?" Eli protest but I did not mind her. I just continued dragging her until Adam was out of our sight.

I sighed deeply. I am not avoiding him. Or maybe I am. I don't know if he saw me broke down last night because he was gone immediately. And if ever that he knew, I don't want to talk about it. It's embarrassing for me.

My day started that way. Eli asked me who am I hiding for but I just shrugged it. And then eventually, it's our Biology class. And I cannot avoid him anymore.

It's not a hallway that I can just escape in the crowd. The library where I can just disappear between the shelves or the grounds where I can pretend not to see him. It's our freaking room and he's my freaking seatmate. There's no way I can avoid him this time.

I was sitting straight while waiting for our teacher. Adam was not here yet. How I wish for him not to attend class today. My heart is beating faster and faster each passing second that he's not yet here. Damn, the anticipation is killing me.

And then, our teacher came. And Adam followed. I stiffened in my seat when I saw him. Our gaze met for split seconds and I looked away. I saw him arching his brows at me on my peripheral view.

I was barely breathing when his smell attacked my nose. I can feel the heat of his body near mine. I faked a cough and slightly move away.

Mrs. Litchfield started our lesson. My head throbs more. Not only because I cannot understand what is she saying, but because I felt nervous beside Adam.

What happened last night came into realization. I told him something that no one knows. Not even my best friend Eli. And it felt like we became close to each other. And I hate that I am assuming that kind of thing.

I was determined to stay silent and still that whole hour and half beside him. I barely move, breathe even. Not until he slid a paper on my desk. My brows furrowed. I took a glance of him and his dark brown eyes are staring at me.

Damn.

I looked away and unfold the paper. I silently read what it says.

'Why are you avoiding me?'

First I would like to laugh at him. Because I find it ridiculous. I mean him and this paper thing. I know I made this first but I never expected that he'll do this kind of thing too.

And next, he doesn't even ask if I am avoiding him or not. He just conclude. And he's asking me why.

I sighed and write my answer before putting the paper on his desk. He immediately opened it.

It just says 'I'm not.'

I heard him sighed deeply and so loudly that it almost turned into a groan. I parted my lips.

'You are.' he wrote again. I shook my head and write a reply.

'I'm not. There's just nothing to talk about.' then I slid back the paper.

We look like kids doing this kind of stuff. It's ridiculous because we're just sitting beside each other. Literally an inch apart. Yet we chose this kind of conversation. And it's kinda funny too.

'There is. About last night.'

I fisted my hand when I read that. I closed my eyes tightly and sighed deeply. Yeah, this only concludes that he saw me broke down when he left last night. And he's curious.

But then, if he saw me in that state, why did he still left?

I crumpled the paper in my hands and turned to look at him.

"I am not avoiding you." I said with conviction over a whisper. He answered me by arching his brows. I swallowed hard and looked away. Damn him.

"Really?" he asked mocking me. I rolled my eyes.

"Really."

"On the hallway, the library, even the on the grounds." he reasoned out.

"I... I didn't saw you." I made an excuse but he only chuckled at me. I pouted a bit.

"You definitely saw me."

"I don't." I said abruptly. He shook his head with an amused grin.

"Our eyes met Luna. I saw your eyes looking back at me. Stop pretending that you don't."

My lips parted. I don't have an answer to that.

"I... What's the big deal?" I asked confused. His face hardened.

"I mean, we're not really talking to each other Adam. I barely know you. So, what's the big deal?" I asked again and his jaw clenched. I looked away.

"We're classmates, seatmates even. We know each other."

"Eli is my bestfriend for five years now but she doesn't know me that well. While I only met you few days ago."

He licked his lips and damn I need to force myself to look away before I drool over him. I heard him sighed.

"Last night..."

"Don't start." I said placing my hand on his face so he would stop talking about the damn embarrassing thing that happened last night. He arched his brows at me and then he looked at my hand in front of his face.

I followed his gaze. And then my eyes widened when he held my hand and put it down. Still his hand is holding mine. The familiar heat was there, my lips tremble with our sudden touch.

And then, Adam smirked at me.

"If you're really not avoiding me... then have lunch with me." he said and then he let go.