Chapter 4:Carter

On the way back from the shop, Lorenzo talked about the girl who helped him with getting the bike fixed for Mercedes. 

He said her name was Ahliyah and that she was new in the area. I couldn't stop the smile from growing on my face, it was my first time talking and being around someone besides Lorenzo.  

When I got home, I started unpacking my boxes trying to figure out where everything was going to be.

Lorenzo talked while I was putting my clothes in my room. I put the rest of the boxes in the guest room because this belonged to me.  I wanted to make it mine and I wanted it to be a space for me to heal and grow.  I grabbed a bottle of water and sat on the couch.  I grabbed the remote to watch Tv, but Lorenzo quickly took it away.

" You know today was the first day I saw you talk to someone. I didn't need you to go with me to get the bike fixed. I took you to get you out of that head of your's. We are going to talk and I don't want answers 'it's okay,' or 'fine.' I want real answers Carter."  He said sternly.

Ever since I stop seeing my therapist, Lorenzo has been trying to get inside my head. He's been trying to figure out if I was really okay, or if I was just lying.

Half of the time I was. It didn't matter though because I wanted to keep those feelings and dark thoughts to myself. I didn't want to share them. 

We sat there in silence for hours and I knew he was waiting. Waiting for me to speak and tell him how I couldn't sleep because of the recurring nightmares. Or, how I would puke because the nightmares were real. It didn't matter though it wasn't going to change what happened.

I've stayed to myself because going out caused my panic attack's and I was having flash backs of what I had been through. Now, he wanted me to talk about how I was feeling and share things I wasn't ready to share yet,

" You have to talk to someone. You stopped seeing the therapist I asked you to see and you even blocked my messages and calls. I wouldn't of known everything wasn't okay if it was not for Mercedes." Lorenzo sighed.

At times I wished I had a cave, somewhere I could be alone.  Somewhere I could process and be with myself with  no one trying to figure out what I was thinking, or how I was feeling. Somewhere where I could hide. I couldn't hide and I didn't have a cave.

"  Let's stop talking about this, please."  I asked. 

I didn't want to talk about anything all I wanted to do was watch cartoons and not worry about what day is was going to be tomorrow.

" I don't understand what's wrong with talking about it. You can't keep closing yourself off."  Lorenzo glared at me. 

I ran my hands through my hair and sighed heavily.  " Damn it, I don't want to talk about it. You were not there when my god awful step mother was beating me up and cussing at me telling me how I would never be good enough and calling me out of my name. You were not there when I slept in my neighbors back yard hoping they wouldn't call the cops. Please, stop asking me to talk about my feelings." I snapped.

We sat back in silence. As the minuets passed, Lorenzo dropped a piece of paper on the table and got off the couch.  

" I hope one day you can talk to me about what happened in that house. I only know what you've told me but I would like to know more."  He said.  Lorenzo left and I picked up the piece of paper, there was a phone number on it.

Call me sometime

281- 772-8582

I shoved the number into my pocket. I told myself that I would call her another time, but I didn't feel like talking to anyone at the moment.  I sat on the couch and watched the cartoons that were on the tv. I laughed and ate snacks I was enjoying myself.

When I finally laid down on the couch, I was scared to go to sleep. I knew I couldn't run from sleep anymore and that I would have to close my eyes, and let whatever nightmares I was going to have take there course.  I watched one more episode of cartoons, I closed my eyes and dreamed. 

Lorenzo came back the next morning, he bought breakfast over and he didn't mention anything about last night. I felt bad about what I said, but I wanted to talk about everything on my own terms and not his.  I had to make sure that when I talked about it, I wouldn't be reminded about what had happened to me. 

He left without saying goodbye. I grabbed the piece of paper out of my jeans and dialed her number. I sighed hoping this would work. Hopefully, talking to someone who wasn't Lorenzo would understand why I didn't want to talk, or discuss what I'd been through.

The phone rang, as I waited I started to get nervous.  It stopped ringing and she spoke, I didn't k ow what I was supposed to say or how I was supposed to say it.

" I didn't think you would call. I thought that maybe your friend might've been wrong when he said you would call."  She chuckled.

The nervousness eased inside my stomach and I smiled. It was the first time that I would be spending my time with someone else. Understanding them and giving them the chance to understand me too. 

" I know this great place where we can talk and no one will bother us. I'll send the address, meet me there." She said.  

She sent the address and I didn't think about where I was going. I didn't think about anything because I wanted time away from my thoughts and away from Lorenzo for awhile.  I was going to spend time with Ahliyah and I won't have to worry about her picking my brain and trying to figure out what was wrong.

She wouldn't know anything. I won't have to tell her anything unless I was ready. Unless I wanted too.