Chapter 29: Ahliyah

Things were starting to look up for Carter and I, especially me. When I spent time with Carter it felt like it could go on forever. I thought about how far I came since I got to Florida and how much I've grown since my mother died. I woke up to Carter's laughter from the kitchen, there was a warmth in my chest from the sound.

I threw on some clothes to listen to his laughter myself. I peeked behind the wall leading to the kitchen and I watched the happiness in his eyes. He was talking to Lorenzo but he was happy. We were happy and I could help but smile as the warmth in my chest spread throughout my body.

I stepped from behind the wall and I sat down on the couch watching as Lorenzo and Carter finished talking. Lorenzo walked to the door and he stopped holding on to the door and looked at me. " I am sorry for the things I said and how I treated you. I'm really sorry." He said.

He smiled one last time before walking out the door. I turned around on the couch and continued to watch Carter because his happiness made my life seem lighter.

" Why are you smiling?" He asked.

" Because I'm staring at you. Because seeing you smile and hearing you laugh makes my morning so much better."

He grabbed lemonade for the both of us and sat on the couch beside me. I rested my head on his lap, we sat there in silence. We said everything we wanted in the silence that we couldn't say out loud.

" Lorenzo invited us to his house for dinner with his family." He mumbled.

" Did you want to go?" I asked.

" I think so, but I want to do something else. I want to go back on the beach and watch the sunset."

We were in a good place in our lives. I had grieved over my mom and tried to fight over some relationship that were not meant to be saved. Carter was learning not beat himself up about what happened and he was learning to forgive to.

We had our own problems and sometimes we let them get in the way instead of enjoying life for what it is.

" Do you ever think about running away?" Carter asked.

" Running away? What do you mean?"

" I mean running away some where other than here. Where you can live life and be happy. Somewhere where you could start over without anyone knowing who you are."

I could see myself running somewhere and starting all the over, but it would be without Carter. Although I've been on my own without anyone before could I really do it again.

" Have you thought about what it would be like without me?" I asked.

This was the first time I asked this question. I know before my mom died Carter promised her that he would always be by my side even if we broke up, but what if there was no us. What if we were never meant to be?

What if?

" I have thought about what it would be like without you. I think without you my life would be really complicated." He said.

Life without Carter would mean I would have to be by myself and figure out everything on my own.

" Do you.. Do you think we will ever get to that point? Do you think that one day we might break up?" I asked.

" I've thought about the what if's and what it would be like, but I wouldn't go back to redo any of it. I guess you came in my life when I needed you the most and I'm happy I have you."

Maybe we were perfect the way we were. We left early to watch the sunset, while we walked the beach I began to question myself. We walked halfway up the beach when Carter stopped to grab my shoulder.

" Everything's going to be okay. I'm tired of worrying and looking over my shoulder." He said.

I was tired of doing the same thing, but I couldn't help but think how long was all of this going to really last. We talked about what life would be with each other and what it would be like if neither of us stepped into the others life. I didn't give it much thought as we talked about it and I couldn't seem to let it go now.

I wanted to stop believing that things were going to be okay, or that things were just going to fix themselves. Maybe if Carter and I decided that this relationship thing wasn't for us, we could still be friends.

Would that work? Would be friends be good enough for me?

" There you go again, worrying about things that you can't change." I scolded myself.

I groaned at the myself worrying about the conversation wasn't doing anything else, but stressing me out. Not thinking about it wasn't an option, but I had to stop before I ended up thinking of some alternate idea and made myself upset.

It wasn't right. I smiled grabbing his hand and we walked on the beach as the sunset. We ended up staying to watch the stars and name the constellations that covered the sky. As I looked at the stars, I was hopeful about our future whatever that maybe and where it might take us.

If Carter and I broke up I hoped that we would still try to be friends. That we could grow to be the best we could possibly be. Hopefully it didn't get to that point.

We made it back to the apartment, Carter went to shower and I went to our room resting my head on my pillow. I closed my eyes wishing my mom was here to give me some advice about what I was thinking.

Was I overreacting?

Was I thinking to much into it?

I sighed pulling the cover over my head and fell asleep. Carter got into the bed beside and kissed me on my forehead, but I wasn't going to think about it anymore.

Carter made me breakfast and a note saying he went for a walk. I ate watching cartoons and I laughed at the decisions the characters were making on the show. Once I finished eating, I decided to go out into the city by myself.

I walked into a local bookstores and looked at the journals. Carter burned his old journals because of the bad memories behind them, but maybe I could buy us some journals and we could write in them together. I picked up some journals, then I walked into a bakery that served the best donuts.

It was nice being by myself and going places. It gave me some space to think and be myself, and it felt good. I needed to breathe and enough time to get away. I guess if I could run away I would go somewhere peaceful where getting away wasn't hard.

I made it back home and Carter wasn't back yet. I ran myself a bubble bath and relaxed. I sighed happily as the stress and worried eased off my shoulders. I was at peace for awhile and I wasn't going to worry when it was going to end, until that time came.