Chapter 31: Carter

" Do you want anything to drink?" Lorenzo asked.

I shook my head leaning back on the couch trying to watch some action movie. Its been days since I told Ahliyah we should think about our lives separately. I've been crashing at Lorenzo house trying to avoid her anger and sadness towards me, but what else was I supposed to do?

Lorenzo came back with a lemonade. He sat on the couch grabbing the remote cutting off the tv. " Carter, you know I love you like a brother. But, what going on between you and Ahilyah?"

" There's nothing wrong we're.. we're figuring things out." I told him.

" Figuring things out? Let me guess, you told her you wanted a life without her and now you're trying to avoid her." He raised his eyebrows leaning back on the couch.

" Tell her that wasn't easy, but if we think about life without each other it won't feel like we were forced to be together. I love her but that only last for so long."

I knew Ahilyah loved me like I loved her, but people fantasize about love and about how they want to spend the rest of that life with each other. What happens when that love fades? What happened when love ups and leaves?

I don't want to live in doubt of her love fading away, or being back in my step mothers house watching the love I wanted from her fill with anger. Thinking of a life without her was the only way I could avoid our love fading or making a disappearing act.

" Why did you you tell her that when you know she loves you?" He asked.

" Because I'm scared of being hurt!" I shouted. My lips trembled thinking about losing Ahilyah forever because of some fear I couldn't seem to get over. " I'm scared of being hurt. My stepmother hurt me using the love I had for her. I don't want the same thing to happen again." I cried.

" I don't want to be hurt anymore. I've been hurt enough." Lorenzo hugged me tight and I rested my head on his shoulder crying and crying.

He patted my back letting me go and smiled. " I know that your step mother hurt you and I know your still coming to terms with that pain, but this is your life," He pointed at my chest and circled his finger around the room. " This. Is. Your. Life. Don't let that pain stop you from what you want and don't let your step mom win."

" Do you love her?" He asked.

" I love her a lot."

" Then go fix what you messed up and let her know that you love her. Tell her what's going on. Carter, don't push her away anymore. Let her in."

I went back to our apartment standing in front of the door repeating the speech I prepared for her. The apology she deserved and more. I pushed her away for my own reasons and I wasn't thinking about her and her feelings.

I opened the door and it was empty. She was sitting where I thought she would be on the couch waiting for me. Her bags and everything of her was gone and I fell to my knees crying.

What did I do?

I didn't mean it. I didn't mean what I said to her about us going our separate ways. I was just being stupid and thinking irrationally. I took a deep breath and thought about the places she could be.

As I thought about it I didn't know where I was supposed to start. There were so many places she could be and she wasn't with me.

" Maybe, you should've thought of that before you opened your big mouth." I told myself.

I held my phone in my hand debating on whether to call her or not. Maybe if I call her and explain myself to her. I could apologize if she'll listen to me and give me a chance. I dialed her number waiting impatiently to here her voice, but it went to voicemail.

Her phone went to voicemail three more before she answered. I hesitated to say anything because I didn't realize how much I missed her.

" Ahliyah, I am really sorry. I wanted space for my own reasons and I didn't tell you the truth. I'm truly sorry. Do you forgive me?" I asked.

" I forgive because I can't stay upset at you. You didn't say anything besides we should think about our lives separately. Why did you do that to me?"

All that time we spent together and I still didn't tell her the one thing I was scared of. The one thing that forced me to push her away.

" I'm afraid of being hurt.," I sighed. " My step mother did some mean things and none of that is your fault. I didn't want you to decided that you didn't love me anymore or that I wasn't worth anything to you anymore."

The line went silent and I thought she hung up. I heard small sobs in the phone she was crying. " I wouldn't leave you and I could never stop loving you. It's okay to be scared but I want to be there with you and figure out how we can battle it together."

It felt like we talked to each other forever on the phone. Before she hung up I smiled rubbing the back of my neck. " Will you come back home, please?" I asked.

" I'll come back home, but promise me you won't push me away again."

" I promise."

I paced the hallways waiting for her to come home, waiting for her to be in my arms again. When she walked through the door I ran to her an embraced her. I hugged her tightly and I didn't want to let her go.

" I'm so sorry." I kissed her face and held her. It was funny how days without someone you realize how much you miss them and how much they mean to you.

" It's okay and I missed you." She said.

" I missed you too."

We sat on the couch and her back was to my chest. We watched cartoons and everything was back to normal. Ahliyah sat up turning around to look at me she touched my face and smiled. She turned back around closing her eyes and resting her head on my chest.

" We come from two different worlds that may seem the same and I'm sorry you were hurt in your life. But, I'm not going to leave you no matter how many times you push me away. I'm going to be right here."

It wasn't her fault I went through all that pain and it wasn't her fault that I allowed my fear to consume me. The fear of being hurt was so small, but I knew that I didn't have anything to worry about. Ahliyah was going to try her best to fight these battles with me, even thought they were not hers to fight.

She was here and she was always going to be here.

She fell asleep and I kissed her forehead. I draped a blanket over us and continued to watch the cartoons on the tv until the colors began to blur.