Cause Who Could Love The Broken
SILA
Here's the thing about me. I'm not like other teenage girls who obsesses over boys and other girly things. Who gets to go to the mall with moms and friends. I'm not the 'daddies girl' and I'm not spoiled I wish but I'm not. maybe if i was in middle school but that all changed once my mother died. Worst thing that could happen to child. My life has never been the same, I blame myself for her death maybe if I would've begged her a little more she'll still be here right? I. Don't. Know. And I hate it. I hate the fact that she left me I know it's not jer fault but still she still left and I hate that.
"SIT THE FUCK STILL" I hear my dad yell after he punch me in my stomach. Blow and blow he doesn't stop, I'm trying to walk up the stairs but he grabs me and puts a belt around throat as him and his friends beats me. You're wondering 'why don't you run away?' I tried 10 times already never works. They always either find me by cops or my uncle. And the beatings get a lot worse then the should be. I'm almost 18 though so I can leave then. Once I do I'll never come back. EVER.
"Get upstairs and don't come out your room you bitch!" He yells and i get up dragging myself to my room shutting the door i slide down crying "why god please why me" i cry punching the floor ever since that day my life has been horrible and I wish it could just go away.
Getting up i was to my book opening up and taking the blade and go sit by my window it's raining outside hard just the way i like it. The rain is my peace it feels how i feel...Broken.
I notice a boy walking by my house i can see him perfectly he seems sad and something inside me wants to go out there and hug him and never let go...but i know that's another beating maybe he's worth another beating but I will never let myself get close to another person again. Love is for people who has loving families both dad and mom and siblings not someone who gets beats by her uncle and father. Love isn't for the broken which means it's not for me.
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Waking up i can already tell I'm late for school. It's cause i am always late. I wait until i know my dad has left to leave my room. So I know for a fact that he won't make any new bruises before I leave.
*after the shower*
Walking into my room i put on a white nike jacket, blue jeans, and all white air forces i start covering my bruises so no one knows about them. Even though i don't care about them i don't want people too see how broken i am not now not ever. After I put make up all over my bruises I walk down to the kitchen to eat something. That's another thing even though my dad and uncle beat the shit out of me I could still eat when ever It's just taking the chance of not getting beat when seeing them. After I grab my breakfast I get into my car and drive to school. I also have a car. My dad want me too look normal as possible even though I have to most fucked up life in the world.
Walking into the school hall I see no one there. Damn I must be really late because there always people that are at least getting here still. Oh well the way my body is hurting I was bound to be late regardless of how early I would've came.
Walking into the classroom was so hard my arm hurt from the cuts and my leg hurt from being dragged down the stairs i stop when i heard the teacher say something
"And Why are you late miss" she says in an annoyed voice "S-sorry I-i woke up-up late" not looking and her she sighs and goes back to teaching I reach my seat sitting slowly sighing in pain when I feel someone staring at me I turn to see the boy from last night. I've never seen him around at school so I don't know his name or anything but by the way the girls looked at him in this class i could tell he's popular. He's cute don't get me wrong NO! Sila you can't say that saying that make you want him to be closer and that could never happen. Which makes the want to stay away from him even higher. It's because I need too. No one wants the broken girl, never has never will.
"Can you stop looking" i say coming out more mean then i meant it to. For the rest of the period i could see him from the conner of my eye look at me for a second then look away. Why the fuck is he doing this? Can he see my bruises?. Right after that the bell rings and i get up to walk out when someone grabs my arm i flinch when the person hand connects with my cuts, i step back as fast i could and turn to walk away when he stops "Hey wait" he says. His voice is so deep but in a good way a safe way, no no no i can't bring him into my life NO ONE can see how broken i feel not how I feel but how I really am "if you know what's best please just stay away" and with i walk feeling a sharpe pain in my chest. I didn't want to walk away but I needed to people like me don't find love we don't get a happily ever after they don't exist in my world and I'm not going to pretend they do now.