Chapter three
The next couple of weeks flew by and Noah and I started to get closer, we hung out almost everyday after dinner, we would go to the bay window and look at the stars, we even went to the rooftop to look at them and sometimes we brought ice cream or jello with us, we would talk for hours and hours, he always said how amazing his mom was and how his sisters were this little pranksters, he mention how one day he woke up, took a shower and when he came out his hair had some blue highlights, he said he wanted to kill them but their faces were too cute so he just laugh with them, since it wasn’t permanent dye he had to go to school with his hair like that for an entire week. But there was one thing he never talk about, his dad, he never mention anything about him, it had been a month and a half since we started to get along and hung out, so one day I decided to ask but I was not ready for what was going to happen.
Hey, can I ask you something?, I said
Sure, he replied
How come you never mention your dad?
And there it was, silence, pure silence not a single word came out and you could cut the tension with a knife.
"Look im not trying to be pushy I just want to understand why you never mention him, I mean you always talk about your mom and sister but you never mention him" I said
"I don’t want to talk about it" he answered
"You know you can tell me anything right, you don’t have to pretend around me." I said reminding him of our promise.
"Im not pretending, I just don’t feel like talking about it" he said
I don't know what came over me but I said "Fine, but what happened to not pretending around each other and not keeping secrets"
"Some secrets are best if left untold, and you know what?" He says
"What", I replied
"You are one of those girls who always got what they wanted and always had things done her way, and when things get complicated or don’t go your way you don’t know how to deal with it." he answered.
"You know what forget it, I don’t know why I cared anyways" I said before I got up.
I start walking and suddenly I hear him call me
"Addie!" He yells "look I didn’t mean it! Im so-"
In that moment I turn around and say "Don’t just don’t"
And I leave
A week passed by and we still didn’t talk to each other, and not having him around was weird, because when something happen the first person I thought about was him so not having him around was indeed hard. One night I couldn’t stand it anymore so I decided to look for him and apologize, I went to his bedroom but he wasn’t there so I went to the one place I could think about: the window.
addie: I knew I’d find you here, kind of a deja vu right?
But he didn’t reply so I decided to take out my secret weapon, strawberry jello, his favorite.
"Jello", I ask.
He nods, and I passed it to him, and we stay silent for a couple of minutes
And then we both say "Im sorry"
"Look Noah, I shouldn’t have ask and I am sorry for being pushy" I apologized
"You don’t have to apologize, I was the one who acted out so I should be the one apologizing, and for the record I didn’t mean what I say." he said
"whenever you are ready to talk about it i’ll be here" I told him
After I said that there was a moment of silence and suddenly he said
"He’s dead"
"What?" I reply
"He’s dead, Addie, my father’s dead, and it’s my fault"
"Ow Noah!, im sorry", I said while hugging him
We hugged for a couple of minutes before I asked
"If you don’t mind me asking how did he passed"
"Drunk driver", he reply
"Noah, im really sorry, but it wasn’t your fault it was an accident"
"No it was my fault, because if I hadn’t asked him to give me a ride to a friends house he wouldn’t have been on the road", he says
"You were in the car?" I ask
"Yes", he replies
"Noah it was an accident, you can’t blame yourself" I said before grabbing his hand and squeezing it to try and reassure him.
suddenly tears start running down his cheek, and he breaks down, so I did the only thing I could do,I hugged him, I’ve never seen this side of him before, it was a vulnerable one he tried to hide, but I liked the fact that he didn’t hide it from me.
We stayed like that for a brief moment, but for me it felt more like hours, after that we sat next to each other and he whispers.
"You know, you are the first person I told the truth to."
For some reason hearing that made me feel kind of special, I knew that in order to be able to share this with me he had to feel comfortable around me, and I was glad he felt that way because I did too.
"You haven’t told anyone about this ever?" I asked
"No, I mean yes I have but I always kept the last part to myself", he responded
"You mean the part where you think it was your fault?" I asked
He nodded and said, "except I don’t think, I know it was my fault".
"Noah, yes you were the one that asked him for a ride to a friends house, but you couldn’t have known what was going to happen, and it was an accident, and it’s certainly not your fault". I tried reassuring him again.
"Do you want to know who’s fault it was?" I asked
He doesn’t say a word so I add
"It was the drunk drives fault, he shouldn’t have drank and drove, so it’s their fault for doing that, not yours."
"I know you are right but i still feel bad for it", he said
"Look im not going to lie to you, you are going to feel like this for a while but eventually it will go away".
"Addie, its been four year, four years, and it doesn’t go away", he says
"That’s because you were blaming yourself, once you stop blaming yourself, it will go away." I say
"You wanna know what’s the worst part about it?" He asks
"What is it", I reply
"That sometimes when people ask me about my family for a brief second I forget that my dad used to be a part of it, I know it’s only for a brief second but I still feel bad for it".
"You know you are not going to forget, you might forget about it for a couple of minutes but you will always remember him in your heart."
"How do you always know the right thing to say?" He ask
"I don’t know, a gift?" I reply
"Well it’s an amazing gift", he says
We stare at each others eyes for a brief moment, before we start walking to our rooms.