Chapter Four

Months have passed since Noah and I grew closer to each other and I was so focussed on whether if the time comes I would be able to break my promise or not, that I totally forgot which day was today, right know I was talking to Noah, he was telling me the latest prank his sister made to his mom.

"Which day is today?" I ask

"Friday", he says

"No which date?" I ask

"Ahh, 20th of July, why?" He responds

"Fuck, I forgot". I add

"What did you forget?" He asks

"Today is my prom day, and I was supposed to get ready with my friends and then we would meet with our dates and go together to the dance". I say

"Ahh so you where going to do what every girl does, get ready with her friends", he says.

He has this smile on his face, the kind of smile you do when you find something funny about someone

"What?" I ask

"Nothing I just didn’t think you where that kind of girl, but hey its alright". He responds

"Well, we always get ready together and then meet our dates but this year its different I don’t get to go so Im not doing that, instead i'm FaceTiming with them and helping them with makeup and stuff like that", I say.

"Wait so you actually had to explain the hole situation to your date? I wonder how he took that",He says.

"No you dumbass, I got sick way before prom but we have already picked dresses because this really cool store was on sale, but since I didn’t even get asked to prom I won’t be using it, so I guess not having a date is the only good thing", I say

"how is that a good thing?" He asks

"That way I don’t have to explain to anybody why I can’t go to prom, and I don’t get the oh im really sorry speech", I say.

"Well I agree with you on that", he says.

"Anyways I have to go, if not I’ll be getting the why weren’t you picking up is everything okey" speech

So I left

As soon as I got to my room my computer started to ringing which means the girls are calling.

"Hi girls, how are you guys?"

"Omg A! there you are we called 3 times and you didn’t picked up we were starting to get worried, were where you?".

"No need to get worried guys I was just busy".

"Anyways we miss you A", they all shouted

"I miss you too girls, sooo show me the dresses! Omg their even more beautiful than when we bought them!"

"Okey so who are you going with?" I ask

"Well, Ava is going with Kendall, Emma is going with Jackson, Olivia is going with Luke and Zoey is going with Jack".

"And what about you madds, who are you going with?" I asked

"I'm going with Liam", she said.

"Omg! you finally said yes, im so happy for you madds", I say

"Yeah… im happy too", she said

Well enough about the dates, put the dresses on", I said

So after the girls had their makeup done they put their dresses on

"Aww, you guys look so gorgeous in your dresses", I said

"Thanks A, we wish you where here tho", they answered

"Yeah well me too". I said

"Hey A what did you do with your dress", Olivia ask

Nothing it’s in my closet at my house

"I thought you had returned it", she said

"I had this crazy idea that maybe I could use it tonight, but anyways when are you meeting your dates"

"We are meeting them in 1 hour", she replied

We talk and talk when suddenly I heard his voice

"Hey Addie you left your book in my room", Noah said

"Noah! Hi", I shouted

"Um thanks", I replied

"No problem, are you still talking to your friends because Im hungry and im heading to the cafeteria if you want to come", he said

"Yeah, sorry, um maybe next time?" I ask

"Sure", he said and with that he was gone

"So that was what you where busy with", Zoey said

"Who was that?" Em asked

"Just a friend" I reply

"Yeah right a friend that calls you Addie", Zoey added

"Well I told him a million times not to call me that but he keeps doing it", I said.

"Well is this friend cute", Ava asks

"Um I don’t know, he is alright", I said

"C’mon just alright?", Madds asks

"Fine, fine he is not hard to look at", I said

"And there is the A we know", oli said

"A, you do know that he just asked you to go grab a bite with him, right?" Madds said

"Yeah, but I can’t do that plus im talking with you guys", I said

"Oh c’mon you can talk to us any other day and why can’t you do that". Zoey asked

"Because I made a promise to myself to never get that close to anyone from the hospital again", I replied

"Is this because of Ellie", Ava asks

"Yes and no, look I can’t go through that again", I said

"Look Addison you can’t live your life based on what happened in the past, sometimes you just have to go for it and see where things go, specially in your case", madds said

"Im sorry madds but not you or the girls know what its like, you don’t know what it’s like to be friends with someone and one day you wake up and they are not there anymore"

"You are right we don’t, but we do know what’s like to be friends with someone who has cancer, we do know what it’s like to not know if that person is going to be here tomorrow and I know from experience what its like to push the one persone you want to be with the most away because of fear". She said

"So please if you really think that you guys could be more than friends, think about it before throwing it away", she added

"Look we have to go meet with our dates but think about it, okey?" She said

"Fine", I said

"Love you guys", I said

"Love you A", they said

And with that the conversation was over, and I was here thinking that maybe she was right and maybe if it does happen I should give it a try?

I fell asleep thinking about all of the what ifs and thinking about the promised I made to myself.

And like every other day I woke up had breakfast, had the checkups done, the chemo and then it was time for the group meetings

Today we where talking about how to cope with our emotions in this process, it was like if they’ve entered my brain or something because I couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation I had with the girls, but right now I had to focus on the meeting so I push all those thoughts aside.

We where halfway through the meeting when someone came in and asked Mia, the psychologist for help with a patient, so just like that the meeting was over, don’t get me wrong I was concerned for the patient but I was glad the meeting was over I just couldn’t bare the thought of listing to Mia talk about emotions for another half hour.

"Hey Addie, wait up!" Noah yelled

So I stoped walking and waited for him

"Hi!" I said

"Hey listen, I’m sorry for barging in last night, you forgot your book and I wanted to give it back", he said

"There’s nothing to be sorry about, I was just talking to the girls about prom and stuff, and you kind of did me a favor I couldn’t hear Ava talk about lipstick for one more second or I was going to explode so I should be thanking you", I added

"Well then you’re welcome", he smiled as he said that

"What are you up to now?" He asked

"Oh I was just going to my room to binge friends", I replied

"that’s cool", he said

"Hey wanna come?" I asked

"Sure why not", he responded

So we heded to my room

We where laughing while watching friends when he said

"Isn’t it amazing how you can watch an episode a thousand times and you still laugh at the same jokes?"

"Yeah it is, I’ve watched the unagi one at least a hundred times and it always gets me".

We continued to watch episode after episode when he suddenly asks

"Hey last night you mentioned how you had already picked dresses with your friends, so out of curiosity what did you do with it?"

"Nothing it’s still in my closet back home", I replied

"Really?" He asked

"Yes really, I had this stupid idea that maybe just maybe I could’ve used it last night". I said shrugging my shoulders

"Well I don’t think that its stupid at all"

"You don’t?" I asked

"No, I think that it’s cute", he replied

"Cute?"

"Yes cute, you put this tough face and never really let someone in so yes I think is cute that you have a girly side that no one really knows about". He said

"Girly? Im not girly!" I said

"Yes you are, and it’s okey, you don’t have to be tough all the time".

"Im not!"

"Well if you are not then why do you hide those teen vogue magazines under your nightstand, and your rom-com books under your pillow whenever you are reading them and someone comes into your room, and you secretly love the color pink and I believe that it’s one of your favorite colors but when someone asks you say teal or aqua blue, and you hate crying in front of others because you think that it makes you look weak, but it doesn’t and you wanna now why?" He asked

"Why?" I said lowly

"Because someone weak could not go through half of the things you went through and those things that you think that makes you look weak, those things are what makes you, you, and you Addie you are unique." He responded

And I was speechless no one had ever said something like that to me, no one had ever payed attention on all those little things I tried to hide, and he made me feel special, whenever I was around him I could be my real self.

I didn’t know how to respond to that so I said thank you and after he left because it was already time for dinner, so I ate and went to bed.

Next day when I woke up I had breakfast like I always do and then the nurse came to check on me. But today was different because today I didn’t have the group meetings so I could do whatever I wanted to do so I decided to go to the hospital garden and read a little bit.

I lost track of time and when I finished reading, it was already 4pm, so I decided to head back to my room but when I got there, there was a little box on the table.