Chapter Eight

After that night at Addison room, she asked him for some space and he gave it to her, and their time spent apart was outmost hell for both of them, for Noah because he wanted to reach out but knew he couldn’t and for Addison because well she was a right mess.

The first week was the worst one, it was full of crying, not wanting to get out of bed, not having an appetite and listing to sad songs. Her friends tried to be there for her but she wouldn’t answer their calls, or reply to their texts and when she did she would tell them that she was fine. It wasn’t until an intervention orchestrated by her friends that little by little she started to be herself again but that intervention didn’t run smoothly.

It was a normal day like any other, Addison had woken up had her checkups, and was now watching re-runs of friends when she heard some knocking on her door which was strange since the nurses had already done their runs and she wasn’t expecting anyone and there goes the knocking again.

“Come in!”

She was surprised when all heir friends came walking through the door she was maybe expecting a doctor but not her friends.

—What are you guys doing here?—

—Well you didn’t leave us with much of a choice, did you?— answered Zoey

—I told you guys that I was fine—

—And we know you aren’t— cut in Emma before she could continue talking— you stoped replying to our texts, you won’t answer our calls, and by the looks of it you haven’t gone out of this room for a couple of days now. We are worried about you A, so please stop shutting us out—

—I’m not shutting you guys out—

—You are A—

—Im not—

—Yes you’re A, every time you get to much into your head you do that, you try and push everyone away but we’re here for you, so please talk to us— said Madds

-What is going on A? the last time you got like this was because of Ellie’s death—

—I just can’t do this anymore—

— Do what A?—

—This— she moved her hands pointing to the room— this, whole cancer stuff and my promise to myself to not get close to people from the hospital again— she explained

—Im assuming this is about Noah— said Zoey— so what can’t you get close to him, what is actually stopping you?— she asked

— I can’t get close to him knowing that he could leave at anytime, and i wont get to see him again, just like with Ellie.—

— Look A im going to say something and it might not be what you want to hear, but is the truth, so just hear me out yeah— Em said, Addison manages to nod so she keeps talking— Truth is that anyone of us can die tomorrow, I can get out of here and get hit my a car— there is a collective gasp from all of them— don’t look at me like that, is the truth! anyways I think that the problem here is that you are letting fear dictate your life and by doing so you’re missing out on living your life and that might be an amazing relationship with a great guy—

—I…—

—Just think about it okey—

—Fine—

—Okey!— Ava all but shout while clapping her hands— Who wants some ice cream and gossip— she said holding a bag full of magazines and different ice crema flavors

They set about eating and talking, Olivia was telling them about something that had happed in English class, the hours passed and they were all gathered around her bed when there was a knock on the door, but this time in was the nurse.

— Sorry to bother you guys, but visiting hours are over—

—It’s Okey— Addison said

—We are going to get going but please answer our calls and texts— Em said

—Yeah, yeah I will—

After saying their goodbyes, they were almost at the door when Ava turned around and said — Think about what I said okey—

— Yeah, promise I will—

A week has gone by since the talk she had with her friends and what Ava said was still on her mind

They were all gathered around her bed and the girls were talking about something Addison could remember because she’d zone out, it was only when Ava grabbed her arm that she came back from her thoughts.

— Earth to A, what were you thinking about?—

— I don’t know, stuff… Ellie Noah… I- I just really don’t know what to do—

— Im going to say something and you can take it or leave it, but A don’t you think that the reason you’re overthinking this so much is because deep down you know that you’ve already broke your promise, you’re already in too deep, and that’s what is scaring you. Your brain is trying to come up with an answer when deep down you already know that you’ve made up your mind—

That conversation was on loop in her brain, it was as if it was mocking her, waiting for her to realize something, but what was it. She kept going over and over the conversation trying to see what she was missing when she gasped.

There in bright bold letters was the answer, pretend.

She didn’t break one promise she broke two.

She got up and bolted out the door, she was almost running to his room while thinking about how much time they lost because of her stupid fears.

She was finally standing before the door that could change everything. One wrong move and what could become the best moment of her life could turn into a right nightmare. One step forward, then another one and she was just with-in arms reach of the door handle, taking a deep breath she grabbed it, and entered the room.

Among entering she couldn’t see Noah anywhere, and she started panicking, then she saw that the bathroom door was closed and went over to knock on it but she was welcomed with no answer, she nocked a couple more times, but again with no avail, so it was then that she decided to open it, she hoped for Noah to be there but was meet with disappointment when there was no one inside. She then turned around and that was when she spotted it, laying there on top of the table was a bright red enveloped.

with a quick move she reached for the enveloped and saw that it was addressed to her. Immediately all kind of thoughts started running through her mind, all of them involved Noah somehow getting hurt and every time a new one popped up she got more and more worked up.

Her breathing was getting rugged and it quickly turned into some kind of hyperventilation, her heart was betting do fast that if she put a hand on her chest she could feel it. after couple of minutes she came to a sudden realization, if something happened to Noah she would never be able to confess her true feelings for him, and that was what finally broke her.

She broke down, her crying rapidly turned into and ugly one and she was full on crying now, red rimmed eyes, a river of tears run down her face, snot coming out of her nose, she was so focused on all the thoughts that were going through her mind, that she almost missed her name being called out.

When she looked up, she started crying even harder.