~ Harri ~

As we went our separate ways, I struggled to walk correctly. My heart was racing faster than I thought possible and I was very worried that I had sounded like a complete idiot from the get-go. I mean, really? Pointing out they answered my question incorrectly? Yes, that's the best way to gain their companionship. Then proceeding to follow them to the bathroom when obviously they needed a minute? Wonderful idea.

At this point I had no idea how red my face was, and since I was so pale, it was very visible when I blushed. I hated that. It was just another thing about me that was annoying and imperfect. I kept rethinking every situation over in my mind. It felt like that was the most cheesy I've ever been in my entire life. You're worth two detentions? Really? They are worth so much more than that and I had absolutely no chill at all while they seemed so calm about everything! It only took them a couple of seconds to say they wanted to meet up saturday and it looked like there was no anxiety at all in that decision, where as I would've panicked for at least ten minutes.

Mom's car drove up and she didn't even look at me when she unlocked the door.

"Why did you get a detention?" She asked as I jumped into the tall truck. I set my backpack in the back seat and looked at the floorboards. Mom never seemed proud of me for anything. It was like I was the family disappointment. Even Merick who was a total failure, a future gas station attendant, got told that they were proud of him. I was in 2nd grade the last time I heard those words. He heard them last week when he got his girlfriend pregnant, so he proposed. As much as I loved Merick, he was an idiot and certainly didn't deserve to hear those words more than me.

"I stood up for a classmate," I replied quietly. The deafening silence that ensued was probably the worst part of being in the car. The wasn't a single sound save for the purring engine, and it nearly killed me. The anxiety built up to be taller than the Empire State Building. It lasted until a pause when we were in traffic on the freeway.

"Why do you care about people so much? If it's not related to you, what does it matter?" Tears slipped down her cheeks and she didn't bother to wipe them away. I was so purely confused. Why was she crying?

"Mom. Are you okay?" I looked her in the eyes, trying to understand why getting a detention upset her so much.

"You're too nice honey. I'm so worried someone in the real world who is important will chew you up and spit you out. People are ugly things, and yet you stay kind and generous," She looked back at the road as the cars inched forward. Her words reverberated in my head. It seemed like she had personal trauma with the subject.

Maybe she was thinking of her first husband. None of us met him. He was the first person she had ever loved and he was abusive verbally. He died 3 years before I was born. Then she met my dad and had me, but she was very secretive about her life previous to him. He meant everything to her and she never had the chance to walk away. I wasn't sure what from, but he was dying of an illness, and she didn't want to leave him despite him being a terrible person. To be honest, I'm not sure I'd have made a different choice.

"Well, if it makes you feel better, it was all for Ellis, not some rando," I mumbled. She smiled in the smallest way.

"Yeah, that does make me feel a bit better. I like Ellis. They've been a good person since they were small," she looked like she was reminiscing fond memories. I just stared ahead at the road. Sometimes I didn't understand conversations I had with her. I didn't understand the point or what was discussed or how it was resolved. They just happened and I took what I could from them. This was one of those conversations.

My phone buzzed from inside my pocket. I took it out to check the notification, thinking it was probably just discord or something, but instead it was Ellis. I laughed at the name I had them saved under. I never changed it from 7th grade.

Zealous Ellis

Hey so, what time were you thinking? I think any point from 11 am - 5 pm is fine

First I changed their name because I think they might murder me if they find out that's how I have them listed. My fingers hovered over the letters in debate of a name. I didn't simply want to put Ellis because it seemed impersonal.

Elli|

Nah...

♡ Ellis ♡|

That seemed kinda forward. What if I gave them a nickname?

Lissy|

Perfect!

Let me ask my mom real quick!

Read 3:14 pm

"Hey mom, Ellis wants to go to the library with me on Saturday. What time slot is fine?" Mom still stared at the road.

"Anytime between 11 and 5 is fine," she replied. Her voice seemed hollow, but I just accepted her terms. She was definitely emotional but I wasn't going to say anything.

How about 12-5 pm?

Read 3:15 pm

Sounds great! Can't wait :)

Me either! :)

Sent 3:15 pm

I smiled largely. Things were going alright. Maybe I wasn't as awkward as I thought. My phone buzzed again and my heart leaped.

Btw, I'm so sorry I started crying. I swear I'm the biggest mess anyone has ever met. Thank you for the hug, it really made me feel sm better :)

I felt like dancing and crying at the same time. They A. liked my hug and B. I made them feel better! That's my favorite feeling, being able to help.

Of course! You weren't a mess! You were getting bullied by a vice principal! I probably would've cried too

Read 3:18 pm

:) You're amazing.

They made me so happy. I needed to plan my outfit for Saturday. I wanted to look pretty for once so I could live up to Ellis' level of beauty. Sure, it was 3 days in advance, but I anxiously plan.

The truck stopped at our house and I rushed to my room. I really needed to talk to Rith about this. She always knew how I was feeling and why even when I didn't. I dialed her number without even checking if she was free.

"Hello?"

"Rith, Rith, Rith," I crashed onto my bed. The sheets that were previously nicely made were now crumpled. My backpack hung on the edge, ready to fall at a slight shift.

"Yeah what's up?" She sounded exasperated, and honestly I didn't blame her. When I was excited, I was bouncy, loud, and anxious and those were hard to deal with all in one large dose.

"Okay so, you know Ellis Hunting?"

"Yeah, what about them?"

"So, someone was being a bully and was dissing Ellis, and you know, we've been friends-ish since 7th grade," I continued, taking a breath.

"Yeah, 'friends'"

"Shh, whatever they're a friend. Anyways, I got a detention and I started talking to them again today and like, I think I want to be a better friend."

"Harri. Ford. You like Ellis Hunting don't you? The one person in the entire school that you probably couldn't date," Rith accused me.

"I don't know! Why do you think I called you? And, I think you're right, they are the one person I probably couldn't date since they're for 1. super closed off and for 2. NOT INTO GIRLS," I groaned loudly, flopping onto my back.

"Harri, that's just you. You're always into the unobtainables. And you were smart to call me. I think you've liked Ellis since forever, you've just been hiding it."

"Ouch. You're not wrong."

"I know I'm not. Do you remember the field trip in 8th grade?"

"Yeah..."

"The one when Ellis was crying because Rose wasn't there to be their partner, so you dropped me to work with them and you couldn't stop talking about penguins for 3 weeks because that was Ellis' favorite animal?"

"In my defense, I genuinely found them interesting--"

"Bullshit, you never talked about them again after Ellis stopped talking to you that year."

"Okay, fair, but I just wanted to be their friend," I continued to defend my point.

"Friends with benefits maybe," She laughed. "Oh, I gotta go. Text me later."

Rith hung up and the dial tone rung in my ear. I laid my phone next to me. I massaged my face, trying to release the stress and tension unsuccessfully. Ellis was the last thing on my mind before my heavy eyelids took me for a nap.

They were so warm.