~ Harri ~

I was not a morning person. Waking up at 6 am for an 8 hour long session of involuntary torture wasn't my thing, but hey, I didn't have a choice in the matter. No, that was corporate america's choice.

I struggled at my closet, looking for proper clothes. Usually I didn't care, but now I had someone to impress. I couldn't look like my usual banker-self. I always wore sweater-vests and button-ups with casual jeans, but today felt different. Today, I say "eff you" to corporate america and I would wear... g a y... clothing. That's right. Today, I would wear a flannel with a shirt and jeans. I might even cuff them.

A part of me stopped myself from following through. What would everyone say? I already get called a dyke. Do I really want to put myself out there for everyone? It's not like my social status was untarnishable, if it even existed.

I changed my mind. I wouldn't wear any of that. I wasn't brave enough. Instead, I put on a button-up without the sweater-vest, black jeans, and converse. It was different from my normal look, but it wasn't too much. I wished in that moment that I wasn't so cowardly.

I walked out into the kitchen where mom had set out pancakes for Merick and I. He was a grown man and she still made him breakfast. I knew she didn't love me that much though. She sometimes forgot my breakfast and I was a minor. We knew he was her favorite. It was fine. That's life, right?

"Morning, momma," I mumbled. She nodded and motioned for me to sit at the table. Merick was texting Leckzi furiously, his facial expressions matching the speed of his fingers. Yeah, I know, her name is actually Leckzi. Not Lexi, Leckzi. And I'm their baby's aunt.

"Who's taking Liam this week?" I asked. They traded the baby like a hot potato while Merick struggled to get his GED and Leckzi finished her senior year. They were the sickeningly perfect highschool sweethearts. Everyone simultaneously hated and loved them. We hated them because they fought all the time but still were together and we hated them because they were perfect, just not for each other. We loved them, however, because they had the strength to stay together and they tried to work with each other even if they weren't "perfect". I personally was jealous. I wanted just one person to love me unconditionally and want to be with me forever. I guess it was just a pipe dream.

"It's her turn, but she won't admit it. She wants me to take him because it's Prom week, which is a super invalid reason," he started to complain.

"Hold up, you asked her to take him solidly for 3 months last year during football season. How is your reason more valid than hers?" His face crumpled in frustration.

"Fine. You're right, shortbus." I really hated that term. Not to mention, I was the one who got straight-As, not him.

I stuffed the rest of the pancakes in my face, donned a jacket and my backpack, and left before anyone could say anything. I hated being home. Didn't know why. I just didn't like it at all.

The bus was slow, as per usual, and the middle school kids were getting rowdy, but that was just life. For them at least. I don't remember ever putting my books down 6th-8th grade. It was always a new series until I found the magical series that consumed my waking days. The Shannara Series. I made a mistake, not realizing I hadn't read them in chronological order, but the first book I read was The Elfstones of Shannara. I proceeded onto The Wishsong of Shannara, but after that point, I realized that these books were all connected, but you didn't need to read them in order. I thought that was amazing. After I'd gone through every Shannara book in our limited library, I stopped reading them. It saddened me because I would never find a series as good as the Shannara books, but it was fine.

The bus's brakes squealed to a stopping point. Lo and behold, it was my turn to get off the bus and I really wasn't feeling it today. I seemed to be in that mood no one can get me out of. It wasn't sadness, nor anger, just apathy. I didn't want to be in this mood. Usually people saw me as a prickly porcupine when I was this way, which wasn't exactly what I wanted. I still wanted to be around people, and I didn't like being alone, I was just not hyper.

My first class of the day was science. I liked science, but not this class. Everyone was either dead silent all the time or louder than a herd of buffalos, and I didn't like either of those things. Today, they were loud. I think the entire school could hear them making their dumb jokes. I predicted they would be loud today though. Today, we were studying anatomy. As 9th graders. I knew it wasn't going to go well from the get-go.

"Can I go to the bathroom?" I tried to get the teacher's attention over all the rowdiness, but he didn't respond. I simply left the room and no one noticed at all. I'd taken a pen with me so I could doodle something on my arms while I sat in a stall for 10 minutes. I didn't skip class ever, but this time, I couldn't deal with them. I just was in the wrong mood. I'd rather get a detention for this rather than for calling someone an idiot. I might already do that, but at this point, it would come off aggressively and we didn't need that right now.

I chose the stall that no one went in because of all the writing on it and parked it on the toilet cover. I sat there for about 3 minutes before I heard soft whimpering. I didn't know who it was and I didn't want to invade their privacy, so I stayed in my stall.

"Are you okay?" I asked softly. Crying was one thing that always softened me, no matter what mood I was in.

"Yeah, I'm okay," They croaked back. I knew that voice. I couldn't pinpoint who, but I knew them.

"Well, since I don't know you, and you don't know me, do you want to talk about it?" I suggested to the poor soul.

"Okay... Sometimes, no one gets me. It feels like I'm in a world of my own. I have a superiority complex and think I'm better than everyone at the same time of being very insecure," They whispered. I could imagine the tears running down their cheeks as they talked.

"Actually, I completely understand that. I often feel like no one really knows me. They just know me from rumors. I'm absolutely positive you are a wonderful person though, honey."

"I don't know. The thing is, there's this girl I kinda like, and I'm seeing her this saturday, on-- on a friendly sort of extravaganza, not a date," they clarified. " and I want to be good enough for her because I feel like she's someone finally on my level, but what if she's not? She feels like she's miles and miles above me. She pretty, and her eyes shine like diamonds, and she's smarter than anyone I know. B-but, what if she doesn't like me at all? You know?"

I felt so hard for this person.

"I completely understand. I am having the very same problem actually. I'm going to see this person on Saturday, but just friendly like your situation, and they're brighter than the sun in every way. They remind me of a star in the sky. Bright and attention grabbing, but also far away and distant. I once hugged them, and they were warmer and nicer than anyone I've ever touched. I don't think they like me at all, but I still stupidly hope. But you sound like a great person. I'm positive that whoever it is likes you too. Can I know who it is?"

They paused for a couple of seconds.

"Secret?"

"Absolutely, lips sealed."

"Harri Ford."

Oh, shit. I wasn't prepared for that answer.

"Can I know who you like?"

"Ellis Hunting," I said quietly. You never knew who was lurking.

The stall of the crying person opened exuberantly, the door hitting the stall next to it, banging into it quietly.

"Can you come out please? I just need to check something. All secrets will be kept," they requested. I hesitantly stepped out of the stall, pen in hand.

"Harri?!" Ellis turned bright red.

"Ellis?!" I squatted down, hiding my face.

"Oh my god," Ellis whispered.

"I'm so sorry," I replied. I wanted to bang my head on a wall.

"I gotta get back to class, I'll see you in Algebra," I ran out of the bathroom, leaving Ellis red and shocked. I certainly did not know what to do with this information, and I was terrified.