Love and Fear

BELLA

I dreamt about war and blood again, and again I was standing in the middle of the destruction, it was the other version of me, I was still extraordinarily beautiful but there was no flowing white hair, it was my short black hair, it was me, and my eyes were red, redder than blood, it was fire. Micheal didn't sleep here tonight, he said he wanted to stay alone tonight, I promised I'll be patient with him and let things fall into place in it's own Time, and I intend to keep that promise. I hate the space he's setting between us, my heart hurts whenever I realize that although he's here, he's still not within my reach, I always felt Annie was the only hindrance to being with him, and after he returned I felt life had given me another chance at happiness, with Annie gone I had him to myself, I was wrong again, but I won't give up, Micheal is mine, and I'll defy every authority and force to be with him. I stand up and walk to the bathroom, I lift the toilet sit and sit down on it, I hear my room door open quietly like the person was scared of being caught, I stand up and walk out of the toilet pulling my pant up, but there was no one in the room and the door was shut, maybe I had imagined it, I walk back to the bathroom and flush the toilet, I face the mirror above the sink and step back immediately in shock, I slip and hit my head hard on the toilet floor but I didn't feel any pain, I didn't even feel the hard ground, it felt like I fell on air. The toilet light was switched on, nothing seemed out of place about the floor, what is going on with me. I stand up slowly hitting the floor with my foot to see if it would hurt, ouch it did.

I glance back at the mirror and it was gone, my eyes were back to normal, it was black again, but i could have sworn that they were red earlier, like my eyes were bleeding red, just like in my dream, am I going crazy?

I wash my face and go back to bed remembering to close the bathroom door behind me, but I couldn't sleep, what was going on with me, I was thirsty and no longer sleepy so I decide to go downstairs for a glass of water. I try to open the door but it didn't open, then I hear footsteps, 'not this again', I say to myself but I suddenly realize something as the footsteps sound again, the footsteps didn't come from outside the door, it sounded inside the room, here. I turn around slowly searching the darkness but there was no sign of anyone else in the room, I walk to the light switch and switch it on, but the lights do not come on, I don't have a cellphone, damn it, I need light, what should I do? I feel a light breeze on my face, it stank horribly, then I felt a sharp spike like object brush the side of my face lightly, my body froze then, I couldn't move, ' why was it happening again, why was I having this horrible dream again', my legs shook, but I remained standing looking into the darkness before me, then the door broke open, and the lights come on. But I was no longer in the room, I was back at that grave yard, I was chained to that old tombstone, facing the darkness, with a full moon over my head, I couldn't scream, I was tired, my head hurt, and I was bleeding, I didn't care anymore, but I didn't want to die, did I? I watched as my blood dyed the grave which I sat on red, then I felt it, the wind, moving towards me, it stank, the grave I sat on vibrated, the wind got stronger and i felt a sharp claw on my bleeding arm, demanding more blood, it ought to hurt but I didn't feel it, I was numb to pain and fear, I heard voices, ugly rough croaked voices or voice.

My head begin to spin, why was I remembering the things I so wanted to forget? I hold my head with my hands and fall to the ground. I barely notice the cold strong hands holding me, the arms wrap around me holding me to his chest, I hold the collar of his shirt resting my head on his chest, I needed the pain to go away, I didn't want to remember. I release his shirt wrapping my arms around his neck, pushing closer to him, he spreads his leg so I am in between them in his embrace, he rubs his hand on my back in a soothing manner, as I begin to relax, I am no longer alone,my eyes remain shut I didn't want to open them, I wanted to forget again, he presses closer to me,and brushes my hair with his fingers, I feel safe, I feel love , I feel warmth in his cold embrace, I inhale his scent, it is different today, I inhale again deeply, the scent is familiar in an odd way, somewhere in my subconscious this scent was treasured and sought after, I listen to his heartbeat, it is steady and calm, I see a beautiful river in my mind, lined by wild flowers, I see colourful birds then I notice a woman wrapped in a man's arms, she had her arms around his neck and they were watching the sunset, it was beautiful, I do not see their faces but they feel familiar, it all seemed familiar like a fragment of a long forgotten memory that was once mine, the woman had long white hair, I felt contentment,I smile and whisper " I love you" yet it wasn't I speaking, but the white haired woman.