Chapter4.The change

Kevin didn't come home until a month later.

In this time I was just going to school and home and making plans how I was going to tell him about the horrible thing that had happened. I was afraid of his reaction. But anyway he would come to realize that I am no longer the same. Every time I talked on the phone he asked me if I was upset, I tried to pretend to be happy but I didn't succeed.

When he finally came it was a Friday afternoon. He behaved as normal as possible but it was something different in the way he looked at me.

He asked my mother's permission to go with him in a trip for the next few days.

-How long ? My mother asked.

- Just for the weekend. He replied.

I realized it was time. I had to tell him, but it was better to wait until I got to our weekend destination .

I took some change of clothes and went to a place I didn't know anything about. I climbed into the right seat of his car and fastened my seat belt.

It was quite difficult for me to look him in the face so I avoided looking at him as much as I could. I still asked him.

-Where are we going?

-I borrowed a friend's cabin in the woods. He answered me.

-Why? I asked again but more in a whisper.

-To be alone. He answered me with his eyes on the road .

I looked at his clenched hands on the steering wheel and saw that his right fist was red and slightly swollen.

-What happened to your hand?

-What do you think?

He was talking to me but not looking at me.

-Did you fight?

-Not really, I just punched him.

-Who? I asked even though I suspected the answer.

-With a former friend! He answered me with a quick glance.

I didn't ask any more questions, I was afraid to hear the answer.

-What have you been doing lately? He asked me later.

-Nothing. I answered a little to faster.

Our conversation couldn`t be more awkward than this.

We finally reached at the cabin. It was a hunting lodge well hidden in the woods. Kevin unlocked the door and then he got back in the car and took out the luggage.

-What are you doing? How long have you want to stay in the car? He shouted at me when he saw that I was still sitting in my chair.

I followed him. The cabin was small, had a single room, a kitchen and a bathroom with shower.

In the room there were two sofas, a table and in one corner a small bed.

-Does it have hot water? I asked

He started laughing.

-Normal! It has all the comforts.

He came up to me and grabbed me by the back of the head. He kissed me passionately then lifted me into his arms and walked with me to bed. I had my hands wrapped around his neck and looked at him sadly.

-I need to tell you something. I whispered.

-Not now, Sam! Not now. His voice sounded strange, different.

He sat down on the bed with me and began to remove my clothes between kisses. He made love to me touching me everywhere, my body responded instinctively.

Late when I was lying in bed and rested my head on his chest I thought that this must actually mean belonging to someone. And yet something was wrong. Something was missing.

-Was it just as good with James? He asked sarcastically.

I froze.

You know? I managed to say but it come out like a whisper.

-Do you think I'm stupid? In whose face do you think I broke my fist. He told me angrily.

I got up to see his face. He was frowning looking older.

-I don't know what you found out but I want you to listen to me. I said bravely.

He stood up and leaned his back against the wall, crossing his hands over his chest.

-I'm listening ! He said coldly.

-It was against my will. That bastard took me by force. I said looking down.

He grabbed me by the chin and forced me to look at him.

-And did you get in his car by force? He yelled at me.

-It wasn't like that. I said desperately.

-Did he force you into the car? He snapped at me.

-Not! That was all I could say.

Tears threatened to come out from back of my eyes.

- Come on, Samantha! I don't want to know anything anymore. I waited two years, I raised you, I had patience with you and you were not able to control your hormones?

That was mean and I couldn´t take in anything anymore.

It was sad. His voice sounded tormented. I started to cry.

- What the hell are you blaming me for?

- Don't do this Samantha. Whenever you didn't try to provoke me, I thought you didn't know what you were doing and I tried to protect you, to keep you as purity as much possible.

-And all the women you had sex with were al pure? I asked through tears.

-No! But I wasn't going to marry them. He said sadly.

-You are such an hypocrite.

I got out of bed and began to gather my clothes. I wasn't crying anymore, I was angry with myself, that bastard James, Kevin.

He jumped out of bed and grabbed my hand.

-What do you think you're doing? He asked me sharply.

-I want to go home. I said as clearly as I could.

-You're not going anywhere, honey! You will stay here with me as long as I like. He told me mischievously.

I looked at him defiantly.

- Will you keep me here against my will? I asked him.

-Not! You will stay willingly! Because I'm not taking you anywhere and you can't go alone.

-You're as bad as James. I threw it to him.

He pulled me hard and pressed me to his chest.

-Never compare me to that bastard again. He said through his teeth.

I raised my head and looked him straight in the eye. I got lost in their blue. He kissed me with fury.

We kissed wildly. He took me in his arms and in two steps he was next to the switch, turned off the light and returned with me to the bed.

We made love again, more passionately wilder this time, then fell asleep in his arms.

We stayed two days at the cabin, we argued a lot and each time we ended up in another love game.

We come back home Sunday night.

-Here our roads split Sam! You're not the girl I thought you were, I can't get over what happened. He said sadly.

-And then what were these two days? I whispered.

-I took what was rightfully mine. He said without looking at me.

For a few seconds I forgot to breathe. A relentless pain had taken the place of my heartbeat. I had the impression that if I move I would break into pieces.

With incredible effort I got out of the car. I took my backpack from the trunk and entered the house.

It was over. I was a woman now but too late. My relationship with Kevin was over.

I gathered everything that reminded me of him, including the T-shirt I liked to sleep with. I put everything in a box and hid it deep in the closet.

For a while I did nothing but survive, eat, sleep and go to school .I was empty inside. I was numb.

I didn't had many friends so no one realized the change I was going through.

Brad had gone to college so no one was too close. The only one around was Sandra, but things were simple with her because she didn't ask questions, or so I thought for a while.