Chapter5. Numb

Hours, days, weeks, months passed without making much difference. I almost didn't know if it was day or night. I was set on autopilot.

The last time I heard Kevin's name was when Sandra surprisingly asked me if we were arguing and the only answer was that I didn't want to talk about him. I probably underestimated Sandra and the lack of questions from her. Sandra is not silent in vain, she is a good observer.

I was sitting in a coffee shop with some colleagues when I felt a warm hand over my numb hand.

I looked up, Sandra was smiling at me.

-I asked you what we do for your birthday.

Correct, my birthday was in less than 2 weeks.

-Nothing. I answered.

-What do you mean nothing? 18 years of life must be celebrated. Sam is a MUST.

I was thinking of a good reason to avoid celebrating my birthday when I heard Connor.

-Do you know Amy? -Amy Clark?

Amy Clark was a girl our age, calm and withdrawn, pretty without standing out too much.

-What's wrong with her? Asked someone .

-She gets married immediately after graduation. So the gossip starts and I'm not sure I want to hear so I lift my bag from the floor when…

-With Kevin Brooks.

I froze. My Kevin. My heart was pounding with pain.

-And her friend Clara is getting married but she doesn't graduate. Brittney continued laughing.

-What do you mean? Connor asked

-It seems that James Coleman raped her and get pregnant. She denounced him but he came to an agreement with the girl's father so he will marry her.

That was too much for me. I wrapped my bag and hurried out .

I had no air, my heart began to gallop. There was a park nearby, I entered the park and looked for a bench in a secluded spot.

-Are you okay? I didn't even realize that Sandra was following me.

-I can not breathe. I answered in a whisper.

-I'm going to get you water. She said, and ran. I was left alone for less than 5 minutes trying to control my heartbeat and breathing.

-Drink Sam.

I took the bottle of water from Sandra's hand and drank it in small sips. -Connor is an idiot. Sandra said.

-Yes, I'm an idiot!

Connor was standing in front of me. He sat down on his knees and put his hands on my knees. I shuddered at his touch.

-Forgive me Sam! I didn't think that you have anymore feelings for that guy.

I looked up and looked into Connor's sad eyes and looked at him for the first time. His dark hair was in perfect harmony with his almost black eyes, full lips and firm chin. I had never paid attention to him even though he was always around. Connor was the captain of the school football team. Looking at him, you could see why the girls were like bees around him. Connor was by far the most attractive boy in school.

-I had no intention of hurting you Sam. You are my favorite person, you always have been.

I blinked to stop staring at him and then stood up.

-I have to go home. I said softly.

-I'll drive you, my car is nearby. Connor said.

-No! I need to walk.

-Then I can walk with you.

-Connor! I need to be alone.

-I won't leave you alone Sam, if you don't want me to walk with you then I'll walk behind you but I won't leave you . I promise to walk in silent mode . He said, smiling.

-Okay! I tried to smile too .

-What about me? Sandra asked.

-You can walk with me behind her. Connor replied without taking his eyes off me.

I realized that Connor actually wanted to provide me security without invading the space I needed.

Handsome and smart.These are the words that came to my mind.

We walked in silent. I did not leave them behind I walked with them.

At the end they were the only ones who had shown me that they cared about me. We stopped in front of my house. I turned to the two companions.

-Thank you for not giving up on me. Sandra sighed and hugged me.

-I'll never give up on you. You are my dearest friend. Silly.

I pushed her away and smiled at her.

-Go home now silly. I'll hear from you later.

-And me? Am I not getting any hug? Connor said sadly.

I approached him and hugged him shyly.

Big, warm hands chained my waist and although I can't be considered short, my nose flattened in his hard chest.

-Thank you Connor!

He kissed my hair tenderly.

-Anytime baby girl!

Lying in my bed I began to unfold the events of that day. Sandra and Connor thought that my anxiety today was due to the news about Kevin's marriage the truth was that it affected me somewhat but it was not something I did not expect. The fact that James had raped another girl made me feel incredibly guilty. If I had denounced him then he would probably have been in prison and an innocent girl should not have stayed with such an animal for the rest of her life. Today I woke up from a long sleep and waking up was not an easy one. After a long time without any emotion I started to cry and cried until I fell asleep.