Chapter 6. Nightmares

It was so dark and I was running in horror. I don't know how I got in to the forest alone at night or who was the monster following me. My heart was pounding and I was trying to scream but it was impossible for me to make a sound. I was tired and powerless but I knew I couldn't stop. Something or someone pulled the back of the sweatshirt I was wearing.

I woke up full of sweat and tears running down my cheeks. I sat up and started counting so I could calm down. I needed air and water. I looked at my cell phone watch. 3am, again. I had a bottle of water on the nightstand as usual, I took it and without turning on the light I went out to the balcony of my room.

I once again had one of the nightmares that haunted my nights. Either I was being chased in a dark forest or I was desperately trying to get out of a deep pit by climbing and sliding back.

The coolness and quiet of the night usually calms my heartbeat.

From all the psychology books I was reading and all internet research I knew that waking up at night and insomnia afterwards were due to anxiety. The nightmares also had a good reason. Nothing mystical as some believe. My problem was that I didn't know how to get rid of them. I was tired and I felt sick because I didn't get enough sleep. I needed help, professional help. I had not yet spoken to anyone about the things I had been through and which had left deep wounds in my soul. I was 18 years old but I felt as old as the earth.

I took another breath of the cold night air and went back to my room.

I sat up in bed knowing that I would not fall asleep. With

my eyes wide open, I saw Connor's sad face. Why? I've known Connor since childhood, but it seemed like I really saw him yesterday for the first time.

At 7am the light of my mobile phone indicates the message.

Connor.

"Good morning baby girl.

What time do you go to school?

I smiled. Since when did Connor call me baby girl and why?

"Good morning Connor

I have classes from 9am,,

’’Ok! At 8am I come to pick you up,,

''Why?,,

"Let's go to school together."

'8am is too early,,

"Breakfast before?,,

I smiled again.

’'Ok,,

My hair was still wet after the shower but I had a whole hour to be ready.

For the first time in a long time, I applied mascara and lip gloss.

I was going to get out of the lethargy I had been in the last year. Connor held out a hand to me and I was going to accept it. I was aware that I could not forget all that had happened and that it would not be easy for me to be reborn, but at least I was going to try.

At 8am a black Ford Mustang was parked in front of my house. I approached with distrust. At the steering wheel of the car was Connor with a wide smile on his face. I got in the passenger seat and while I fastened my seat belt I said.

'' Wow! Nice car. ,,

"Thank you," he replied without a smile

"I've had it for a while."

Probably from the time when I didn't see or hear anything around me, I thought without saying it.

"I'm sorry Connor," I murmured sadly.

I felt a warm hand covering my hands together in my lap.

'' Hey, Sam! There's no reason to be sorry. I'm glad you came back to us.,,

I looked up and met a pair of dark eyes and a warm smile.

"Welcome back Sam, whenever you've been ."

Without realizing it, I raised my hand and gently gripped his cheek in my palm.

"Thank you Connor!"

He put his palm over mine and glared at me.

"It's the second time in less than 24 hours."

I blinked confused.

"What a second time?"

He kissed my palm and placed it back on my lap. He smiled without answering me and started the car engine.

Without realizing it, going to and from school with Connor became commonplace. And if my nights were haunted by monsters, my days were lighted by Connor's approach and his constant smile every time he met my gaze. Connor was the perfect boy that any girl would easily fall in love with, any girl except me, and not because I didn't want to, but simply because I felt empty inside. I liked Connor, our relationship was platonic and from my point of view perfect for the moment. My birthday was on a Saturday to my satisfaction. I didn't have to meet too many people and there were very few people who remembered my birthday anyway. Brad had come home for the weekend but he didn't seem to remember and that didn't surprise me, not even my mother. My family seemed to avoid me since I got into my numbness, it was as if they had abandoned me in my dark world and I didn't mind, it was better than hearing them ask me all the time if I'm ok or '' What the hell is wrong with you Samantha? You have your head in the clouds all the time.,,

Around 8am I went down to the kitchen, I needed coffee, the nightmare hadn't bypassed me tonight either. To my surprise, my mother and Brad were already in the kitchen. Brad was holding a cup of coffee while my mother was making pancakes, Brad's favorites.

''Good morning!,,

"Good morning," my mother replied, smiling.

Brad left the cup of coffee on the table and hugged me tightly.

''Happy birthday sister!,,

"I thought you forgot." I said in surprise.

"Why would you think I forgot your birthday?"

"Happy birthday, darling!"

Said my mother, smiling Brad had not yet weakened his embrace.

"How do you want to celebrate dear sister?"

"I don't want to celebrate."

Brad loosened his hug, pulling me away so he could look at my face. "Don't you want to celebrate your birthday?"

''Not?,,

''Why?,,

"Because there's nothing to celebrate."

Brad hugged me again and kissed my hair.

"Leave her alone, Brad, if she doesn't want to, you can't force her, these are just whims."

My mother said carelessly. I closed my eyes trying to hold back my tears. I always knew that Brad was my mother's favorite, but I didn't understand why she treated me with indifference. I tried to move away from Brad but he didn't seem to want to weaken the hug and I felt like I was starting to suffocate.

"I need to breathe."

I whispered and my brother allowed me to walk away.