Day-mares

there are many people in the world that believe day-mares do not exists. Basically invalidating how others feel. But, as many of us know they are as real as day and night.

The day-mares I have experienced first started showing up my last year of middle school. So, the 8th grade. I, like anyone else have hated them since the very beginning. Luckily they are very rare at this stage in my life. Along with the rest of the symptoms that come with my PTSD I had no real way of controlling the out come or any real way of stopping it. All I can really do now is practice my exercises that I have picked up over the years for when the episode is finally over.

Day-mares starting showing when I was 14-15 years of age. They consist of quick flashing images of people I care and love getting hurt physically in any shape or form. With my wild imagination that never really panned out very well for me. One of the first ones I can remember was when my family and I were all in the family Jeep on the way home from either church or the mall. It was on a Sunday and we loved going on adventures to spend time with each other. Still do really just more difficult since everyone is now grown doing their own things. We were on the country road as I suddenly had flashing images of the family getting in a terrible car crash that resulted in everyone passing leaving me as the soul survivor. When we arrived home I told my parents what happened while we were in the car. The next time we went to our counselor the parents wanted me to tell her about my experience. Luckily she said it was completely normal for the day-mares to surface with PTSD. The counselor gave me exercises to try for when they would happen again. Though the "fun" thing about these is that they are very out of the blue moments, and can occur at any given time.

When they would start up I would slow down on anything I was working on; if any. then I needed to acknowledge that it was indeed happening and after I would be okay. Taking deep breathes I tell myself that the images that I see are not real and everyone in the images are okay. Though there was a time in my freshman year of high school where everything I was taught failed me.

It was right when school ended. Everyone was at their lockers packing, heading to their respected, buses, parents' car, or for me it was basketball practice. I always questioned why I joined the team when about everyone on the team judged me for my size since I was a bigger girl. I would remind myself though that I loved the sport, so it didn't matter what other people thought of me. Anyways I was heading down to the gym after grabbing everything in my locker from school. On my way I see one of my friends pass by and that's when it starts. Sudden images start appearing of them holding a gun to their forehead. Then suddenly I see their body limp on the ground as I manage to finally come to back to reality after the episode. It terrified me. I had to do a double take as they were now behind me to make sure they were okay. I had to make sure that what I saw was not real and it was indeed not real. I act as if nothing happened since I was in the middle of teenagers and did not want to make a scene. I headed to the locker room with that thought. I know I looked off. I felt off. The entire time getting ready I had to keep telling myself that the images were not real; desperately trying to ground myself. I am one of the last girls left in the locker room as one of my teammates asks me what is wrong. I try telling her that I am okay with no avail. She went to a school supported organization camp with me that is geared towards teens helping each other mentally and when to ask for help. So, she knows about my problems for the most part. After she said that she knew I was not fine. I came clean telling her what happened. Practice went pretty normal after that.

The next day went mostly normal until the end of the day in my free period when I was called down to the counselor's office. Apparently the teammate I talked to the day before informed her of what happened. Which I really appreciate her for to this day. After this episode the next two year seemed peaceful with minor episodes here and there. But, that all changed my junior year.