Chapter Twenty-Six:

After some convincing from Griffin, I decide to go back to class that morning and pretend nothing happened. I realize now the one good thing I got from Gabriel is his amazing friends that seem to care so deeply about me... well only Griffin and Rose but I think Sirena may like me too... like she'll ever admit it though.

I ride my bike home like I did the day Gabriel and I broke up. Ever since then I have been wondering if I never went to his house would we still be together? I would love to say yes but I don't think so. I think breaking up with me had been on his mind that whole week and I don't know why and that is what is so frustrating, I have no fucking closer. How am I suppose to move on if I don't have a reason why he did it? I could go see him but I'm not mentally prepared to do that... seeing him once today was enough.

When I get home I decide to go to my Ethan's room first. We haven't talked much since I started dating Gabriel actually and I don't even know what the loser is up to or how school is going. Of course when I open his door he is doing what he always does, playing video games,

"Can you learn how to knock?" He says.

"And can you learn how to give me less attitude?" I take a seat beside him, inviting myself in his room,

"You and your boyfriend broke up?" He asks... little shit.

"Yeah... you have your first kiss yet?" I fire back and ask him.

"I did actually."

"With who, your Barbie Doll?"

"Wonder Woman is not a Barbie doll! She is a action figure!" This boy has had a crush on that character since he started talking. When she was introduced to the live action movies, he almost shit his pants.

"I'm sorry for not hanging out with you a lot recently."

"It's fine... are you okay? I hear you crying a lot."

"No but I hope I will be soon... breakups suck, stay a kid forever." I tell him and he laughs but truthfully, I hope he never has to feel the way I'm feeling. I wish I could protect his heart the way I failed to protect mine but I cant. He needs to feel it so he doesn't let it happen more than once.

More days pass of me drowning in my pain but the more days go one without him, the more I come to realize I need to stop feeling bad for myself and remind myself that he doesn't feel this bad. He isn't crying about me, wishing he could take it all back... want me back. All he probably cares about is finding another girl to suck his dick and that thought makes me so fucking angry. I'm going through the five stages of a breakup:

1. Denial

2. Pain and guilt

3. Anger 

4. Depression

5. Acceptance and hope

I am only feeling stages two and four right now at the same time and thank the lord my denial stage is over... it only really lasted for the first two days, only because we always work it out but this time we didn't... I'm actually a little scared for my accepting stage because I don't want to accept it... I just want it to be like it never happened. I go to Leandro's today just to hang out. I'm surprised he asked me to come over or me even saying yes since I haven't really been going out with friends lately but I miss him.

"Are you sure i'm allowed in your room?" I ask him. I feel a little uncomfortable being in the Mayor's house, i'm not going to lie. It's like someone with OCD through up on the place... I like things neat but this is a little extreme.

"Don't worry, no one will be home for hours." He insures me but that makes me even more nervous. I have a feeling if I move one thing even a millimetre, someone will notice. Leandro opens his bedroom door and its just as I would imagine it to be. He has a plaid bedspread and clean white walls. All his awards and medals from science fairs, spelling b's and even a couple of soccer ones hung up on the walls and shelves and books on medicine were perfectly organized on his bookshelf,

"I never knew you wanted to become a doctor?" I say exploring the his room.

"Yeah, well more my parents want me to do it... become a surgeon."

"Well I'm sure you'll be a good one."  I turn back to face him, "I um... have scrabble in my closet if you want to play?" He asks and I nod. Scrabble is a very old person game and I don't like it that much but I wasn't going to tell him that. Leandro is very wise for his age, he likes a lot of games that people our age would call boring, he also hates texting and calling even though we talk on the phone a lot but he likes face to face conversations... Gabriel does too. The more I think about it, they are way more similar than I thought before. Both very smart men but still, their personalities are very different... just have similar likes and dislikes I guess. I hate that I don't wish anymore that Gabriel was nicer because now I realize that we are apart... I kind of like his sarcasm and attitude that Leandro doesn't have. I don't like the way he talks to me sometimes like when he calls me a bitch or a whore but I always know he doesn't mean it.... I really wish I could also stop comparing the two.

Leandro is much better at the game than I am, I cant even make a decent word and he made so many smart ones but I do enjoy playing it actually, it's different and fun but I think I really truly just enjoy being with him... especially when I'm feeling like this.

"Tell me something about you that I don't know." I say.

"Okay uh... I think letters and essays are better hand written, not typed."

"I knew that, silly. Tell me something you haven't told anyone before." He rubs his arm nervously.

"Okay... when we first met and started taking and hanging out, I liked you." He admits and I'm actually shocked. I expected him to say he had sex in a trailer park or something, but he liked me? I guess I did too... I still do. Leandro was... is always there for me, he has never left my side and I guess unknown feelings were gained.

"Do you still like me?" I ask... I had to. He is Leandro... my Leandro, my best friend and I think honesty is the one of the many amazing things we got in our friendship.

"How couldn't I, Maddie? You're everything any guy wants. I know you come off as rude and a bitch but you're not... not to me. You're sweet, kind, beautiful and mean if you have to be. You're the the full package." My eyes start filling with tears but I hold them back and grab his hand across the scrabble board,

"Leandro..." instead of continuing I climb over and force my lips on his, running my fingers through his short blonde hair. I continue to kiss him, eventually moving on top of him and hoping this will make the pain go away.