Chapter Twenty-Seven:

Things quickly escalate to us moving on the bed. As his tongue slips into my mouth for the second... or third time, I really get that sweet taste, exactly the way Leandro smells... yummy. He takes off my shirt and starts to unbutton his pants. "You're not a virgin or anything, right?" He asks but not in a rude way, in a very concerned way.

"No... are you?"

"I lost mine awhile back don't worry... are you sure you want to do this, I know you're-" I interrupt his rambling, putting my pointer finger on his lip.

"Stop talking." He continues to take off his clothes and I take off mine, unclipping my bra from the front and pulling down my pants and underwear to below my knees.

"I'm not going to lie... I've been thinking about this moment for awhile." He smiles and I laugh and place my hand on his cheek.

"You're cute." I push him from on top of me, letting him lay on the bed and I bend over, still on the bed and take him in my mouth. I keep my hand on his, savouring the moment. Everything goes so fast, before I know it he is on top of me again, with my legs spread. I feel as he thrushes inside me and I moan, placing my hand on his head that is over my shoulder. I almost forgot the moment he put on a condom... I probably wouldn't remind him if he didn't but Leandro is very logical.

The feeling isn't the same when me and Gabriel use to do it... even if it was only twice... well once where it wasn't painful,  it felt different. There was more lust and passion. It's not Leandro because he's good... I think it's just it's not the same with another guy. I push all the negativity out of my mind, trying to focus on Leandro and place soft kisses on his cheek. Leandro finishes before me but it doesn't take that long until I do after but I guess our bodies aren't at sync.

Laying on his chest, wrapped in the blanket while Leandro is asleep I can't help but feel guilty. This was wrong, I shouldn't  have done this. Hell, I wasn't even really paying attention to half of it. It was like, we were naked then we finished. This isn't fair... I did this to get back at Gabriel instead I'm probably ruining me and Leandro's friendship and doing the opposite. I haven't moved on... I'm not done and I slept with someone else  and I don't know why it feels like I cheated on him. I like Leandro a lot, I didn't lie about that or trick myself into thinking I do but it's different. Maybe because I'm not over Gabriel but I can't even stop comparing the two. I think the goal was to pretend it was him but that didn't work at all. Gabriel is more slim, Leandro is more muscular. Their faces are totally different and I just did something so awful. I mean, the sex wasn't bad, but still that was so cruel and insensitive of me to do that. I don't sleep around, I'm not a slut and I'm not planning to become one. I don't use guys... especially a guy I love dearly. The timing was just so wrong, maybe if this happened in a month or two it would be different... I could be happy with Leandro, he treats me amazing but I want Gabriel and want everything that happened between us in the past three weeks to go away. Leandro is great but i'm just not over Gabriel and now i'm sitting here debating if this is bad or not when I should be happy and sleeping on Leandro's chest but instead i'm even more sad than before.

I'm a fucking mess.