The beginning of the end

"Don't you think I am weird? I look at Ronnie for any reaction. I am ready to hide in a shell if this conversation turns south.

He grabs a strand of my sweaty hair that had glued itself to my cheek and drags it to the back of my ear.

" What about this is weird?" Every girl has a celebrity crush, even I have a celebrity crush."

He has a point but I don't think he knows how extremely obsessed I am with Zaphyr.

" Isn't it too much for you". If this is already too much then it might not work out for us.

" I don't think it's too much. I love that I get to know more and more of you and everything I have found out about you I love."

The heavy weight that I had worn for years, believing that if my secret was ever found out would be the end of me. His words meant the world to me that my obsession was ok, I was ok. He made me and my obsession feel welcomed to a hard and judgemental world. I was finally accepted for who I was.

I flew to his arms and squeezed him because his acceptance meant everything to me. He most definitely was the man I would marry one day.

From then on our relationship blossomed. Ronnie became more than a boyfriend to me he became my best friend, my companion of life. He was even kind enough to listen to me talk hours about Zaphyr, he listened to his songs and watched his music videos. Ronnie was perfect. This dream-like relationship lasted for a year and a half until Ronnie couldn't take it anymore.

At first I noticed small changes with Ronnie. I offered one of my ear pieces so that he could listen to music with me. He didn't take it, he said he was tired and wasn't up to listening to music. I asked if he was ok and he smiled back reassuring me that he was just tired. I invited him to come to my house to watch a movie in my room, "maybe another day" was all he said.

Then big changes started to happen, he would always wait for me to go to lunch together and now there was no Ronnie waiting for me. I let his absence go. I didn't want to bother him, maybe he was studying for an exam. Classes were over and I headed towards where Ronnie would be standing under a tree reading , waiting for me so that we could walk back to our dorms. I stared at an empty tree. I didn't know what was going on.

I texted Ronnie "Hey, are you ok? I didn't see you at lunch and you're not at your usual spot?"

I waited and had no answer.

I was starting to panic thinking of all the possible bad things that could have happened to him. If he wasn't in his dorm I would file a missing person with the police.

I ran to his dorm pleading that he would be there. I made it to his front door breathless. I reached for his door knob, hands shaking and clammy.

Please be in there, I chanted over and over.

I turned the knob but it was locked. So I knocked loudly on his door.

I waited a minute and got no answer. I knocked again even louder and waited. No answer. I yelled his name and banged on his door.

Finally his door opened and a sleepy Ronnie popped his head.

"What's going where's the fire"? I pushed my way in almost crying. I hugged him with relief and the tears just ran down my face.

Ronnie freaked out and grabbed me by my arms.

"Bella. What's wrong are you ok. Are you hurt?" He spun me and checked my arms legs and gently massaged to see if I winced. I finally calmed down and smacked him on his shoulder.

"What was that for"

Now I was mad.

" I have been trying to reach you all day. I looked for you during lunch and you weren't there. I waited for you in our usual spot after school and you didn't came" WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN!!!"

" I am sorry, I was just drained from school and decided to skip today and literally slept all day. My phone was off. I am sorry, I didnt mean to worry you".

I huffed and wasn't content with his answer. This was the first time he has ever done this. I looked around his room. I saw a lot of bottles of beer. Had he been drinking. That would explain why he missed school but that doesn't explain the purpose of his drinking. I pointed to the beer bottles.

" Did you have a party?"

He looked guilty and surprised . He rubbed the back of his neck.

"No, just a couple of guys came over and we stayed up late and dranked".

Isn't that the same thing as a party? I didn't mention it outloud but he wasn't a party person so this was surprising. Now that I didn't have to report a missing person I felt better . All I needed to know was that he was ok. I got up ready to leave.

" I am glad that you're ok, I seriously think something bad has happened to you".

He moved to the side as I headed towards his door.

"You're leaving already? Are you mad about the beer bottles?

I stopped and turned to see him.

"No I am not mad , I am just surprised since you've never done that. You seem to still be recovering, I'll Let you be and see you tomorrow for class". I was about to turn to leave when I remembered " Oh, and don't forget to turn on your phone". I smiled and walked out feeling a little confused about the situation but I didn't let it bother me.

The next day everything went back to the same routine except it felt off. Ronnie wasn't his loving self. We had been walking towards the dorms but he was silent the whole time.

" Ronnie are you ok, you seem off today?"

He looked forward and didn't even acknowledge my question.

I waved my hand in front of his face, that caught his attention.

"Did you say something?

"Yeah , I said are you ok you seem off?

He contemplated my question as if it was hard to answer.

"Yeah, I am fine".

That wasn't a good answer for me because what he said and how he looked didn't match his answer.

So I stopped walking and put on a serious face.

"Ronnie, please talk to me".

He huffed and for the first time since we started dating he looked mad. I didn't back down even if this was a new side of Ronnie that I hadn't experienced before.

" Cant, I have a walk in silence, do we have to talk every single time we walk together.

He raised his tone at me just because I was worried about him.

"Am I not allowed to ask if you're ok? You haven't been yourself for these couple of days. I am just worried that's all. You don't have to get mad about it."

My tone rose a little not as much as his but enough to show him that I could be just as loud.

" JUST MIND YOUR OWN. I AM DONE TALKING SEE YOU TOMORROW"!

What is going on I was left a block away from my dorms as he turned back with his hands in his pockets. I was stunned. I didn't know what just happened, I didn't understand why he was so mad. I didn't do anything wrong. The more I thought about it the more I got mad. Fine, if he wanted to play that game then suit himself lets see who comes crying to who first.

I couldn't believe that we had our first fight over nothing. Well at least I thought it was for nothing. I didn't understand why we were fighting in the first place.

I didn't talk to Ronnie for a couple of days. I avoided him and I am sure he avoided me. We would always bump into each other on a daily basis and now that we were mad we hadn't bumped into each other at all, what a coincidence.

The weekend had approached and what would have been a date night with Ronnie would end up being a boring study weekend. Maliah had recently started dating so the weekend was spent with her new boyfriend. I decided to go over to my mom's house and forget about Ronnie.

I was baking some cookies for my mom, so that we could eat them once she got out of work. I heard a knock on the front door. I opened the door not expecting it to be Ronnie, especially not a drunken Ronnie.

"Bella I missed you!" He slurred his words at me and flug himself at me. His body was too heavy for me to hold on so we both fell to the ground.

"Are you ok, I am sssory".

I rolled him to my side.

"What the hell Ronnie, this aint like you".

He sat up and we both sat on the floor. I wanted answers and I wanted them now.

"What is going on Ronnie, why are you like this?"

He looked at me with pain in his eyes.

"It's you! You have me this way. I can't ssstand it anymore. Today you decccide Bella, You choosssse me or you choossse Zzzaphyr."