Secret Room

Jamie POV

Looks like charles seem to be mad at alexis but a while ago, they seem to be in good condition while singing together. I wouldn't have thought that he will choose Alexis than anyone else. I saw someone approach here which is lizelle then he is a bit grumpy by the looks of it because I can in his eyes that he hates a seductive girl and revealing clothes. Or maybe he doesn't want a clingy person at all that is why he choose alexis over her. But the situation is serious and kind of awkward for them to talk which alexis is always back to herself being in serious mode.

I didn't know that alexis auditioned in a music club because all I know she wants to join broadcasting team than anything else wherein she likes reading stories of others and give them a piece of advice that they will never forget in their entire life. It's a great thing that ma'am daisy wants to work with Alexis and such a great honor for her to have a mentor.

But one thing I notice at alexis, she seems to be bothered by someone or something because she keeps avoiding eye contact with us and especially to charles which I know what happened, but I think something else happen between them then I didn't get to see him yesterday and he's a weird guy indeed. Both are much weirder and couldn't imagine seeing them together because everyday there will be a fight or serious situation happening

"Why there are so many things happened in life?" I said to myself

"I couldn't understand why life is unpredictable than anyone could imagine it for the first time"

"Why life can so hard when we can do it in easy way?"

"Why do we choose on the hard path than making things possible for us?"

"How can we say that life can be easy when you think that there is no problem in a day?"

"But they say you can't go on with your life, if you don't have problems or challenges you need to take. Life is hard, yes that's true and everything can't be solve easily which you have taken a lot of ladders for you to be able to reach the right destination. Sometimes, when taking or going to the wrong way can make us wander with beautiful places without realizing that we're already smiling"

"When we realize something, we tend to feel a lot of emotions depending on what situation we are"

"I'm so lost out of words when things get hard for me"

"It's hard to tell if you're fine or not"

"Do you know what makes feel sure about my life? Is when I realize the things I need to do"

Right now, I'm having a self-time to reflect on what just happened today and we're not yet on the edge of ending this day because there is unexpected guess in our minds that make us all wonder where things went wrong or what are the situation going to happen in next few days.

I guess I'm having alone time again with myself because I already get sick and tired being with them and you've been with them for 7 years and who won't get bored? But it's just a joke, of course I really love my girls and I'm just kidding for being alone. I said goodbye to them because I was bored then I look a place to stay because I don't know where to go and I just keep walking around.

Then I saw one room on the corner of this administration building and it's very unfamiliar to me. Well of course, I'm just new here and it's only been a month since I transfer to this academy which I thought I could enjoy my last year of college. There's no sign board at all and no wonder there's no student passing by here. Should I just stay here? Or maybe this room is for personal staff only and no student is allowed to enter but there's no sign or paper posted on the wall

I'm still thinking if I should enter or not because I don't want to get reprimand if this room is for restricted then again, my feet lead me inside the room and wow, it's like a house and there are a lot of instruments on the corner then there is a bed, sofa, tv and kitchen. I don't know who made this kind of room, but I'm just amazed by the design and the space is big which 10 persons can fit in

"I would prefer this kind of room, all in one wherein you don't need to go downstairs just to eat breakfast, and this is my ideal room" I said to myself, and no one is here anyway so I might as well play some music then sing a song that will calm me down. It's a great thing there is a piano, drums, guitar, violin, and flute here which I can use all of them.

"What song should I play and sing?" I'm browsing on my phone right now and I find a perfect one to make the sound fit in this room because I think it's a soundproof, I guess, and I hope no one will hear me hear because I don't want anyone know I'm here

I use a stereo mixer and start playing it now since I'm in a good mood to play some instrument

All of my life

I thought I was right

Looking for something new

Stuck in my ways

Like old-fashioned days

But all the roads led me to you

"I remember this song" I'm going to talk to myself for now since no one will know I'm a weird person because I want

"It was the time I met Michelle and Alexis having a duet which I'm pretty amazed by it"

"Then they told me to join them wherein I feel happy because it's my first time knowing them when I'm still hesitant and I couldn't make any friends when I was in my middle school because all I get it taken for granted and bully by the students, that was the time I feel so lonely, and I couldn't trust anyone. I guess having trust issue is hard to be with someone even they don't any other intention to do with me"

The house that you live in don't make it a home

But feeling lonely don't mean you're alone

People in life, they will come and they'll leave

But if I had a choice I know where I would be

Through the lows and the highs, I will stay by your side

There's no need for goodbyes, now I'm seeing the light

When the sky turns to grey and there's nothing to say

At the end of the day, I choose you

"It's my first time to hear that day that they want to be friends with me not because I have money, but they know I have pure intention of being with them is one in a million miles which I'm so thankful that I met them. Isn't it great to have friends like them? Because without them by my side, maybe until now I'm all alone" I feel satisfying when I talk to myself because you can say anything you want and express yourselves without anyone seeing it

Now I found the strength

To make a change

And look at the magic I found

No matter the name

Or where you came from

'Cause no one has much figured out

"This is song is telling us that no matter how people leave you, still you need to choose those people who stay even in your worst time. This song taught me that I'm not all alone when one person is by your side and help you with everything"

The house that you live in don't make it a home

But feeling lonely don't mean you're alone

I finally found where I feel I belong

And I know you'll be there with wide open arms

Through the lows and the highs, I will stay by your side

There's no need for goodbyes, now I'm seeing the light

When the sky turns to grey and there's nothing to say

At the end of the day, I choose you

"The sound here is great, and the overflowing of the music is amazing" I might going to stay here when eveyrtime I have a break time and might as well let them know about this room but going to find some way how to tell them about it

"I remember that guy, his voice is amazing, and I don't know where he is now"

"That song which he made me listen to when I'm in a trauma mood and I feel terrified, but he made me feel rest assure that no one is going to hurt me, and he will going to protect me at all cost"

"I didn't get to see his face, but I feel I'm going to meet him soon"

"I hope I could meet him again soon"

"I think he is also the guy who save me that night when carl is so obsessed of me when he didn't stop but I'm thankful that he save me from that crazy jerk" I feel goosebumps when eveyrtime I remember that day and it made me feel sick because my trauma is hunting me again and again

I choose you

Through the lows and the highs, I will stay by your side

There's no need for goodbyes, now I'm seeing the light

Through the lows and the highs, I will stay by your side

There's no need for goodbyes, now I'm seeing the light

When the sky turns to grey and there's nothing to say

At the end of the day, I choose you

Oh, I choose you

I choose you

Suddenly someone stood beside me, guess what? Its mico. Gosh, that gave me a heart attack and when did he get here? Omg, did he hear everything I said to myself? That is totally embarrassing but I hope he just got here now. Anyway, what is he doing here? He starts playing the piano. Wow, he's good at it and I didn't know he could play such a thing. He didn't speak or say anything, but he kept playing

"What are you doing here?" I asked

"Well, I should be asking you that" he said, and I don't know what to say or give him an answer

"About it…...anyway, why should I tell you?" I said and he don't need to know about it anyway

"Isn't this part of the activity? Getting to know each other" he sounded sarcastic and he's right, but I don't want to tell him anything because were not close even sir clark partnered us

"I just thought of looking for a place to stay, then I found this one" I can't make any excuses and it's true that I went inside without any permission whoever own this place

"Don't you know that you're the only girl who got here? When it's restricted that no one should enter it without asking the permission of the owner"

"Then what do you call yourself for that?" I said and I won't let him tell me like a boss or whatever he wants to say to me. He's not the boss here and I'm sure he's not interested of telling me that

"Should I say that I own this place?" he said and that made me laugh but he is all serious which mean that he is not joking. Don't be too serious and grumpy, you're like an old man staring to his granddaughter who laughs in a serious situation

"So, it means that, you been here all the time?" I said and I'm so embarrassed if that happens

"I was sleeping the secret passageway of this room then I heard someone singing then I didn't plan to ruin the moment which I thought of just listening to whoever is singing, and I thought of going out and sit on the couch while watching talking to yourself" he said and I'm doomed, why didn't he tell me that he's here? Oh my gosh, I should leave now, and I get my phone which I'm about to leave but he holds my hand then push me on the wall. Did he just say that he is sleeping on a secret passageway of this room?

I thought this is the only room here and yet there is a secret passageway? Wow, that's amazing

"What are you going to do?" he's coming closer to me than ever. He had a border shoulder, and I can see his biceps because he is just wearing a plain shirt. I just closed my eyes and is he still here?

"You can open your eyes now" he said, and I open it slowly which he is laughing at me because my lips are in pout like I'm waiting for something, but I felt embarrassed in front of him now and I cover my face which my face is blushing with humiliation

"Ouch" I said, and she put something on my knee which is betadine. Can he just tell me that? It really stings and I didn't know you he still has this kind of attitude. He just ignores me while putting some medicine on my wound on the knee and elbow

"You still have that kind of attitude, don't you?" I said and he put betadine twice which made me shout and he did that on purpose

"Stay still and don't move, or else" he said, and he didn't finish what he is saying which leave me hanging and I can't believe that I'm talking to him when I should get mad because of what he did to me wherein I should kick his ass. This guy is cold and grumpy, I don't know if he is really a good person at all

"Or else what? Can't you finish what you're saying because you left me hang…." He leans closely and that made me shock. I hate this kind of situation being close to a guy and it's my first time. Then he just looked at me when I suddenly avoid eye contact with him then he stands to get something on the cabinet which is a first aid kit too

"You're too talkative, why don't you just stay quiet for a bit? while I'm putting a medicine on your wounds because you're nosy and loud" he said which made me zip my mouth and he's so sarcastic. How can he talk like this? Okay, I get that we're not close but still he should treat me as person not a stranger

"You have a beautiful voice" he said out of nowhere. Is that a compliment or he's playing with me just to act innocent in front of me to witness it on my two eyes. Wow, why do my thoughts sound like I'm in a drama series being stuck with this guy

"Are you teasing me right now?" I asked and he didn't say anything, awhile ago he was just laughing at me but now, he's serious again which I don't know if he has such a bipolar mood. I notice that he is not with Charles, Benjamin and James. He looks calm and has angelic face if he is like this then he has long eyelashes wishing I also have that and soft lips yet pinkish. Lastly, his fair skin and eyebrow

"Don't stare at me that much because you might fall for me" he said and is it obvious? What did he say? Fall for him? That's way too impossible and over my dead sexy body. I will never ever fall in love with this guy, and he is not the same with my first love. The kid saves me back then and I had a classmate who save me from bully which he said to me that he will protect me no matter what happen. But for you? No way, dream on jerk

"It's all done now" then he put back it in the first aid kit box get some wipes to clean his hand and try to blow the wound and I think he knows how painful it is. Has he ever done this to another woman?

"Why aren't you with them? You are alone now. Is friendship over?" I said jokingly because he is too serious and the atmosphere bit awkward at all. Like I'm talking myself when no one is here but he's right in front of me

"Well same goes to you" he said back without answering my question. Is this how he talks to a girl?

"Ah, they're boring to be with, especially I'm sick and tired of seeing their faces every day. But it's just a joke and I want to be alone first because I'm bored. Then I saw this room, at first, I was hesitant but inside of me insist to go in, so I went in, and I also don't know what this office is called but it looks like a house" I said which give him a second of thought of answering or saying anything at all which mico just let me talk and he is quiet

"Secret Room"

"Huh? What did you say?" I said and it made me confused because he's not saying for a minute and now

Wow, a short response indeed and it's making me insane thinking what he is saying to me? There's no sense at all and I know he doesn't want to talk to me but at least he should still finish what he is saying

"This is a secret room when only me and the principal know about it because I ask her to keep it from the others" mico explained to me without any second thought of lying. Sorry I'm a bit trauma when a person lies to me because I have a trust issue which I can't trust or believe anyone but only those close people with me

"No one is using this room, so I told the principal to let me keep it then I designed it like my home" he said and it's interesting, so this mean we're getting to know each other now?

"Why? Don't you have home?" I said but does it sound like I'm asking too much? I might offend or hurt his feelings

"I should take that que…."

"I do, but I prefer staying here when I don't feel like I'm home. When your permanent home is not actually you feel, like you're lost in this world when you think about how you should go on or walk your path away" he said and which made me think for a moment than I know what he mean by, which I also feel the same way, like there is missing piece or moment when you go home and you feel like not having home at all. Now, this is awkward, and he just look at me like there is something on my face or what because I don't like having an eye contact with a guy then suddenly, he hands me something and I don't know what I am going to do with this

"What do you want me to do with this?" I asked

"Then eat it if you want" he said and that's a bit rude of him. Do you think you can eat a band aid and betadine? Hello, you're like killing person here dimwit. I just stand up and leave the room but then again, he holds my hand and pull me back where I was seated

"Next time, don't let anyone step on you or bully you just because you're new here" he said and coming from him? Okay, jamie just relax and pull out this together. The audacity to say that to me when he's the one who started it and now, he's telling me this one. Trying to be innocent, in fact you're not a good person at all. No one ever want to get trample or get hurt by anyone, but we cannot avoid this kind of situation especially those students have insecurities. Who would even want to be in this situation?

"If you let yourself get bully, then you won't even survive here" he said, and this is just making mad

The audacity, it doesn't fit on him to give me a piece of advice because he's the type of person who bully either they hate you or they just want you to leave this place. I don't want to get bully at the same time I don't want to fight back just because of this wherein it put too much attention to other students which it will become nosy in the campus

"These students won't even stop bothering you unless you leave this academy. You know what? You're too weak because you just let them hurt you than fight or defend yourself which you could have done already" he said, and this made me lost my patient

"How could you even say that? When you're the one who did it" I said, and he just stop for a minute, but I just continue what I'm saying because I want reality hit him hard until he realizes everything he did

"You know what too? If you have a little sister, she will feel ashamed or disappointed at you. You won't even realize that you already bully her or kill her without you realizing it because you don't deserve to have one. I guess, your life won't be something that you expected, and your little sister won't even dare want to be with you because you're a bully person. Maybe she's already dead if that happen and you won't always realize that she is getting bullied already" I said what I said but that's not all because I'm trying to hold my anger and my patient is still there. He holds tight on my shoulder and push me on the wall hard which hit my back, and this made me nervous. I'm trying to breath in and out but he's about to hit or punch which I suddenly close my eyes then it made me cry which I heard a noise on the wall

I try to open my eyes and his hand hit the wall hard which make me see a blood and I look at him wherein he is mad

"You don't have the rights to say that, and you don't know anything about me. So better shut that mouth of yours because you don't know how my life went through" he said, and he hold a grip.

"Are you insane! You almost killed me and smashed my face! Is that how you respect a woman?! Shame on you and your attitude is not what other people think. You can never be someone happiness and I tell you and everything is not on what you can have! You will lose everything you have, and no one wants to be with you until the day you live!" I said and my heartbeat fast because of the nervous I'm feeling right now, and I can't stop crying which it really scared me

"You're too harsh on your words Jamie Park and you think you know everything, but you don't. You judge people too easily without knowing them and your choice of words can hurt someone feelings without you realizing what you had said, and I'll tell you this one, I already live my whole life like the way you said which I can never be happy for my life until I live, and it happened ever since before you could say that to me" he said and I can see in him that his eyes are full of regrets, doubts, pain and living his life miserable which I don't think that's the point here because I can't accept the fact he almost hurt me

"Sometimes you won't even see the world that may seem to be going but when life hits you hard by then reality will get you and not all the time in your life, you'll be happy as you wanted either you are hate by a lot of people, face a lot of problem you can't handle, can't do anything right in your life because there is something holding you back to do it, you are lost in your own world which you thought you can keep going on your own path, you regret things when you thought it's your fault or you keep holding on the past you should have let go of it already" he said and I can see how pain he is in right now which this won't get me even if you cry in front of me because I will always see as a bad person

This is my first time I see a guy like this and am I too harsh on him? I mean, this is how I usually am when I'm mad and having nervous breakdown which I won't care anything about what I said because that's how I feel, and I should let out what I really want to say then he just gets his things and leave the room. I saw his hand cover with blood, and I sat down then my whole body was shaking so much because of what happened and he almost broke my face because he was so annoyed and angry with what I said but I was right because it was true, and he showed his true color. I just went out on this room and look for them because I want to relax mind and calm down myself

******************

Michelle POV

Jamie and Alexis is not here with us then only me and lovely are staying on our favorite spot as it is when students usually love to stay in the campus rather in other areas around the school because you feel suffocated even if you stay in one place but it feel different when you're in campus wherein you can see a lot of students bonding, talking to their friends and jamming at the same time to enjoy every moment they have here studying because once you're done in the school or university then the real life will only start and once you enter work life then you won't even realize you're still living as a human or a person

Every moment I had here in the academy which I want to cherish it without any regrets even I struggle on a lot of things, students get insecure of me wherein they don't have to because I'm just an ordinary girl and possible big challenge may come to me during this college days.

"Don't you think that we been studying our entire life just to fulfill our dreams, but we don't know what career we want?" I asked lovely because she is busy looking at the food and she bought too much of it

"What am I going to do with all of these foods with me? I can't finish them all and I didn't know I bought a lot" lovely is now complaining but a while ago she is excited when choosing the all-time favorite food and now, she has it then she just hates it now

"What is the sense of being with someone if I couldn't even say anything if no one wants to listen to whatever I'm going to say?" I sigh and she noticed lately that I'm talking to her

"Sorry about that, you're saying?" she asked, and I ignored like what she did to me then lovely is being naughty again. I'm not being grumpy or rude to her but sometimes she should learn how to listen when someone is telling her something because this is kind of sad

"Should I repeat myself?" I said which sounded sarcastic

"I'm sorry about that, it's just I can't finish all of these foods with me and where did the two go awhile ago? Don't tell me that Alexis wants to be alone again? You know what? Even she said that to us she wants to be alone but doesn't mean we should because sometimes we need to be there for her when she feels hard to herself, and no one can do that but only us who stay by her side" lovely said and I don't know she could say something like this which she is getting into right mind and not a foolish one. Lovely really learn from the best than I ever expected

"Just let Alexis tell us everything when the time is right because we cannot force her when she is not in the state of saying it all once. You been there lovely and I know for 7 years which it took time for you tell us the problem you're facing back then and you had a huge fight with your parents because of a mistake you didn't do and your parents started to blame of raising you in this world which made you hurt then you attempt to do a suicide which I stop you doing it until you open up with us" I said and lovely tears fell which made her think everything happened that day.

She thought that giving birth to her is a big mistake to her parents and that change the relationship to her parents which give a big gap until her parents apologize on what they said that day and lovely just don't want to talk about it whereas it made big dangerous situation that she said everything to her parents how she felt when she is solely blame on the mistake she didn't do. People thought she is a spoiled princess or a brat, but only us her friends who knows her truly on what she went through her life.

You may see her wearing expensive clothes and then putting make-up but doesn't mean that makes her happy. There are things she is been hiding that smile when there is thousand bricks, broken pieces, and burden that she can't tell anyone at all especially her family who blame her but didn't realize how painful it was for her and the state she been through years which made her want to end the life she is been holding on.

She thought that family will always be there for you even when times get rough but that change her perspective in her family beliefs and principal. One mistake or rumor that made the world scary, then people intend of spreading those lies when the truth is already there.

"That day was the most miserable of my life and do you know what makes my life even miserable? When my parents didn't believe me even I tell them the truth that I didn't do anything wrong in my life. I still remember how my dad scold at me when that mistake was framed to me then my mom didn't help me to talk to dad. Even my two elder siblings have cast out me in the family like I don't even exist in that family. It made a big gap on us, and I started to keep to all myself the problem that I've been facing because I'm afraid they won't listen to me and telling I'm acting such a childish girl" she said, and I just listen to her before I could say something back. This is how our friendship went strong because we learn to listen to each other problem and we never tend leave each other sides

"Why am I telling this again? It just breaks my heart when every time I think about it and I remember how my family cast me out without them realizing what they did to me" lovely still hold the grudge she has and the burden it still filling her state of mind

"There is also one painful memory that I couldn't even forget in my entire life, when I attempt another suicide because I'm useless and can't live my life any longer than I wanted it to be then I lost all of my passion on pursuing my dreams and I had a knife with me then tend to cut my wrist but my older brother just stopped me, then my older sister and parents witness what I am doing to myself" lovely is crying while sharing it to me, I didn't say anything and let her tell me everything

"I just pushed them all away while pointing the knife at them. I run away and drove out at the house because I feel suffocated. I stepped on the barracks and the speed out of limit, but oppa followed me until a truck passed by which hit us both until my older brother is unconscious and I try my best to reach out to him until I lost my conscious too" lovely said and that was painful

"Go ahead, I'll listen, and I don't want to interrupt your story" I said because I love hearing this kind of story even it always makes me cry at the time, I also encountered a problem

"When I gain my conscious, do you know what our parents told me? That I should be the one on the coma not Kenneth. Then my mom shakes me like crazy and my dad started to blame with everything I do that I bring bad luck in the family. That really broke my heart which made me lost interest of telling something on my parents. After that day, I never went out in my room until midnight and did a lot of part time job even I'm not great at doing anything good, but I try my best just to save money and move out the house which I don't feel like a home to me anymore" she said and she is really crying now which her heart is breaking into pieces and I never seen her cry like this

"Lovely, I think that's…"

"That gave a me big trauma when my parents never stop blaming me for what happened, and they don't know how I felt. I started to feel lonely, that 4 years made me think that my life is useless but until then I hid myself in the shadow of being happy but deep inside, I even feel the pain that made me cry all night"

"4 years of my life, I run away at home and rent a condo for myself to all the hard work I made for myself then I refrain on mentioning anything about my family until the day they're the one who approached and sincerely apologize because they realize what they did to me and the trauma they had brought me. I hated them so much but at least now they're trying their best and I told them how they made me feel like a useless their daughter which hit them hard when I said that" lovely said and that changes her life, she often smiles in front of her family despite what she been through

"Now, they're calling me every day and asking me if I'm doing great in school and if I had problem with my life. That made me smile because I can see how they care about me even after what they did to me and I just don't want to remember it anymore, the near fact I lost myself for it" she said and lovely don't want to talk about it anymore then I just hug her to calm her down then she wipes her tears because it's too embarrassing for her if someone see her like this

"Anyway, where did the two go? I bought a lot of food today, but Jamie is not here. Especially the two of them didn't even say where they are going, then suddenly left" lovely said

I don't know, I just talked to Jamie a while ago and Alexis but then I turned around, they're gone. I am sitting here reading. There's nothing you can do and then you'll think about the research that Sir Clark gave us. See, she told me even I'm not asking for it and this what I mean and tell her that it will be in the right timing

"Now you know what I mean lovely, when the time is right, and Alexis is ready to tell us then we should listen to everything she is going to tell us. But now let her be and we're making it hard for her if we still push her on something she is not ready" I said, and she just agree with me than saying anything else. I know she is worried, but we all know that Alexis can fight this battle and she is the strongest woman I ever met. Sometimes, we should solve our own problem than anything else no matter how many people give us advice

"Okay, I know, and I'm just worried about her because she shouldn't hide something from us if she knew from herself that she didn't do anything wrong" Lovely said and here we go again which I don't know how would put a sense to her. I should call Jamie and Alexis, they might be together

Searching Jamie's name on my contacts and there so many of it, this is insane, and I didn't know I had a lot of contacts. Maybe I should delete some which I don't know who I am talking to. I should just call Alexis instead of Jamie because I couldn't find her number here. Please pick up, please pick up then while waiting for Alexis to answer the call, I heard lovely laughing now and I don't know what's funny. I noticed that she is watching something on her phone

"What are you doing? Why are you laughing?" I said and she keeps doing it then show it to me. A while ago, she was just crying because I let her remember the things that make her life miserable yet painful and now, she's laughing like a crazy woman who got out of mental. Why do I even have friends who are such a moody person?

"I didn't know, I still have Jamie's video on my phone. That is why I'm laughing right now and can't believe she joined that competition and won the championship"

That eating contest is hilarious and Jamie just loving it then her opponents forfeit because they can't eat any longer. Still remember that day when she asks to join that competition too, but we turn it down because you know me, I can't eat that much food and finish it in an hour" lovely said while she's hitting me hard, and I pushed her away before I get any bruises

I didn't know she has a copy of that video because I already deleted mine even it's hilarious and it made me laugh so hard, but Jamie told us not to show it to her because she'll going to smash our phone without compensating us. Jamie is a type of person who eat too much food but becoming a greedy girl because no one dares want to snatch it away from her. But if I'm her part, I probably gave up and vomited. I can't handle that situation with so much food, it's confusing to look at, especially meats and sweets.

"You're just here" we looked around who's talking then it was James and Benjamin. Miraculously they are not complete.

"What are you doing here?" I asked and when every time I see his face, it makes me feel annoyed. I'm glad that his not like my first love but I don't know where is he right now? I hope he's doing fine

"Of course, we'll talk about the research on what we plan to do and what the main topic before the struggle will start because this will be a heavy and night work for us four" said james

It's good that he's serious about this thing, that would be great to work with such a responsible and diligent member. But when it comes to women, he's becoming different person which I'm disgusted by the fact seeing him a playboy and will never had a serious relationship with a girl. Benjamin stood next to lovely and james stood next to me. Why so close? He can sit right on the corner than by my side

"What are you watching lovely?"

"We're not even close and don't call me by name. Mind your own business, okay?" she said and don't like to be bothered when she is watching something funny then she continues which she just ignored Benjamin by her side. But she just gets lovely's phone and then lovely trying to get her phone back

"Give me back my phone!"

"Try and get it" Benjamin said and run around the place, and they look like a couple teasing each other but lovely is annoyed

"Just give me back my phone! Are you deaf or what?" Benjamin is too tall, then lovely has an average height, how can she reach her phone when this Benjamin hand is too long to be able to get it? I don't want to think anything about them two because I won't even agree they let have a relationship together. Then this dimwit beside me is just looking at me, I certainly want to smash his face, but I just push it away because it's too close on mine.

"James Lee, if we're not going to talk about the research then you can now leave here and I'm busy doing something important" I said

"Oh, about that, since we're in group then Sir Clark give us a month to finish this research and we need to work as early as now before the due date comes because we still need to do a mock defense to prove the paper that is worth of publishing it" he said and this is one thing I like about a guy who is serious when it comes on working on a project and no distraction at all

"Then we should start thinking what would be the to…..." he didn't get to finish what he is saying when a girl approaches him. This is the point, and I can never work with such a playboy

"Maybe we should talk about it next time, here's my number just message it to my what are the things need to be done" he said and leave a paper on the table

"Just give me back my phone!" lovely shouted but this Benjamin still resist to give it back to her and try to make it more difficult

"Why are so short?"

"That's not problem of being short! You dimwit! Just give my phone back or I'll kick your ass!"

"You can't because you're too short for you to reach it"

"You jerk! Just give me back my phone!"

"Try and get it. Let see if you can"

"This is so annoying!"

"Look at this girl, getting all annoyed and like a crybaby"

"You scumbag! Give my phone back and mind your own business! Just go to your fans than bothering me here!"

"But I want to be with you than anyone else" then lovely stop

"Then find someone that will suit you and stop bothering me"

"That won't be necessary because we would be together for about a month working on the research then bear with me then"

"It will and I'm not working with you as well because it would be a headache working with an idiot with you. Work with the given task then don't talk unless you're ask to or else, I'll remove you in your group then to be to impress or overwhelm when someone is giving you compliment at all"

"You don't know what would other really want to say with your work which they want to expect something more than that"

"Anyway, this is one last time and just give me back my phone!"

This is what I am saying when every time a woman approaches him, then there he goes flirting and being clingy with different girl. How can he flirt with 10 girls in a day? Anyway, we won't make any progress today because of what happened then these two still running around like a kid. I thought we're going to talk about the research when that annoying james just left and flirt. What could be possibly go wrong? I should just start to think what topic we should use to get with it already before things get hectic for our schedule.

How can this be happening to me? I have one member who can't even do better things than flirting with other girls then the other one just like to play or fool around then lovely wouldn't even want to work with these two because it will cause too headache for the both of us

****************

Alexis POV

Everything bothers me now, little things made me sensitive and thinking every detail of my memory hurts me the most which I don't know if I should believe it or not because a doubt that made my heart go crazy and my life turn upside down before I could make things worse and change my whole life as I never exist as I was before. Please anyone help and enlighten me to think a good thing in life instead of making me remember all the painful memories I had. Why can't I remember anything about what happened that day? Is my dream wrong about it? Or my memory is making me think that way? I can't seem to be myself lately and my memory becoming blunt

I can't blame anyone or that guy on my dream because I don't have accurate evidence to prove that he is the one who run to us when we're running in the middle of the street. . It made me think that way and that dream is far away from what really happened to me and Alesha that day? I don't know if dad is lying to me because he told me that Alesha dead on arrival which I end up blaming myself because of that.

"Alexis, remember that it's not your fault whatever happens"

"I want you to forget everything that make you feel pain and sad because it breaks my heart more than you do"

My blunt memories are so far away from me to see, and my thoughts is a mess Now I'm having a feeling of doubt when nothing is true unless I could at least ask someone who witness that day and tell me what really happened. But I don't know where to start and where to look for, the only time I could be able to see and remember that scene, is for me to go back where the scene happened but I'm afraid to which I can't handle it

I didn't stay in the library because I couldn't keep quiet for myself when my thoughts are mess then I might make noise around the library. A while ago, there are a lot of students pilling up inside and I don't want to be the center of attention which it will become nosy for my part and I'm already sick of hearing a lot of rumors about us, so I just stay here, and I don't know what they call this room at all

My phone suddenly rings, and I just answered it even I don't know who's calling me at this hour. What's got into me these days? Is this the cause of my anxiety and depression? I didn't tell my friends about this one because it would be a nuisance if they keep asking me a question which I couldn't answer, and I can't tell them yet behind the reason of it

"Hello, alexis speaking"

"Alexis, where are you?"

"May I know who you are?"

"Don't tell me you didn't check who's calling?"

"Yes, you're right and I'll end this call stranger"

"That is so harsh of you, it's me jamie and I've been looking all over for you" – jamie

"Why? I mean, I just went somewhere to have peace of mind and I'll be back to you girls"

"I thought you're with them" – Jamie

"Not really, I'll call later, and I need to do something else"

"Don't be too lonely, okay? I'm always here if you need something and let's eat some delicious food once our class is done" – Jamie and I end the call, I can't think straight and all I want to do is to keep myself calm, listen to a music or maybe I'll draw something to distract myself instead of talking like an idiot when no one is around me. Another call is coming and why is she worried when there's nothing to worry of?

"Hello, I told you that I'll be fine, and you don't need to worry about it jamie"

"Lexia, it's me mj" – Mj

"Oh mj, what's up? Why did you call this hour?"

"I just want to know if you're doing fine in school, and I don't know why I feel worried like something happen to you" – Mj

"Nothing you should worry about" this make me a bit quiet now and I don't want him to know what's going on us here in school because he'll go straight here and make a cuss about the problem happening and I hope he didn't watch the video then it's an ending talk to the both of us

"Do you have some time later?" – Mj

"What is it this time? Project? Proposal? Or Research Paper?"

"No, not that and I'm already with it since it's our midterm exam this week so I need to finish everything before the day comes and I thought that you would say yes" It depends on what favor you would ask me

"Well, I had two webinars to held and share it to the audience about Driven Emotion of Individual and Diversity in the Workplace. So, Alexis…" I cut him off because I'm the one who's going to do the seminar again and VIP guest

"Just help me out this time Alexis and badly need it or else my professor will kill me if I can't find a speaker to talk about these two topics with 200 students attending each webinar" – Mj

"200 students? Are you serious Mj? I have done so much for you, but you didn't return any of it"

"Do you need something? I'll buy it for you" – Mj

"Just visit me here and I'll be glad spending my time with you"

"Sure, my vacation will start on October, and I'll let you know once I book a flight" – Mj

"Where are you anyway? Have you eaten?"

"Alexis, about that…."

"I hear some background noise, are you outside?"

"Alexis, I have something to tell you but please don't get mad, okay?" – Mj

"Go on, I'll listen" is something bothering him? Because it took a minute to tell me

"Alexis, actually I'm at your da…."

"MJ, please kindly work on this and who are you talking to?" wait, is that my dad voice? What is he doing at my dad's company right now? Is this his intention all along just to call me?

"What are you doing there?"

"Alexis, just listen to me" – Mj

"How could you do this to me MJ? Is this why you call me this hour?"

"Let me explain" – Mj

"I don't need your explanation MJ and I already warn you never ever come to his company! How can you let me feel betrayed at all? You know how I hate him so much!"

"Is that alexis? May I talk to her?" please mj, don't you even there do that and I won't forgive you

"Alexis, your dad wants to talk to you" – Mj

"How could you!" this is what I'm saying because I never wanted to hate my cousin but it already happened now which he made a big mistake

"Alexis, just talk to him and don't let the past swallow you" – Mj

"You don't have any idea, how much he made me miserable the near fact I almost died because of him!"

"Alexis?" – dad

This is the only time I hear him call me that name which I miss the most, but he gave me so much pain for almost 13 years. The pain I couldn't forget in my entire life, and I will never change my mind no matter how the situation changes and how days stay but things will never be the same as it was before. The happy smile and moments we had is already gone then our relationship will never go back the way it was used to be

"What do you need?" I did say it sarcastically so that he will know I'm not interested talking to him at all, so that he will stop

"Alexis, I want to say something to you. Please hear me out first" – dad

"Dad, I'm not interested at all and may you please just don't bother talking to me"

"Alexis, I just miss you and the bond we had. Can we just have a dinner? You, me and Abigail, I just want to eat together again" – dad

"Dad, do you even understand what you are saying right now? Do you think that make sense?!" this is making mad and how could he say that after 13 years? Doesn't he know how much pain he causes me?

"I just want to have a father and daughter bond. I just miss everything" – dad

"How could you even say that? Aren't you ashamed of yourself?"

"Alexis, It's just that…."

"Listen to yourself dad, where were you in these past 13 years?"

"I'm so sorry alexis, I'm just busy at the company and you know there are a lot of things to do in work which I have a due date to submit. You know what CEO do, alexis" – dad

"Don't you have any better excuse than that? You always say you're busy and it's so pathetic"

"I'm trying my best to make a free time with you, but my schedule is full" – dad

"Dad, you know what I hate the most in everything you say? That word busy makes me mad. After mom died, your pile of works and only focus on your precious company when you should focus on us"

"Alexis, I know I can't say an…."

"Dad, I hope you're the one who died instead of mommy who was there for us. But where are you? Always in your company and most of your time there is more focused than us. You know what? Little by little, you will lose all those important people by your side. Like what happened to mom and alesha, which I lose the most precious persons in my life"

"Alexis, I'm so so…."

"Where were you when I needed you the most? Where were you when I need to tell all my problems? Where were you when I need someone to talk to? Where were you all these years? You didn't even go to my graduation when I waited for you until the day end" my tears fell, and I hate this situation so much because I don't really like talking to him

"Alexis, I didn't know about it" – dad

"Yes, you didn't because you weren't there for us. How can you call yourself a father? When can't you even stay by our side? When we need a dad who can take care and protect us when something happens. Don't you know how much I regret on hating you? But I already did and will never stop until your conscious eats you"

"Alexis"

"I just hate the fact when you're calling my name because it makes me mad and annoyed which you never called me for almost 13 years of my life. The time we been calling you but you're out of reach!"

"When mom is suffering, you weren't there by her side when she needed you the most than anyone else, but you didn't come, and you always put a lot of pathetic excuse that made me sick of listening to it"

"Do you even think it was easy for us to live without my mom? No, because you never taken care of us and never stay by our side these past 13 years, but my mom is there who take care of us when we're sick and stick to us until the very end when is still alive. Now you're going to say that you miss spending time with us when you never had the chance to do that when mom is still with us"

"How could you choose the company over us? What if you lose all of us now? Then that's the only time you'll realize everything and spend time with us when we are already on coffin and burn into ashes?"

"Alexis, how could be so harsh to me?" – dad

"Why? Do you feel guilty? Does it hit you hard when everything I said is true?" Don't be, when you don't deserve any love and pity because you're a monster which I do believe you're the reason why mom died"

"Alexis, how can I explain it to you? If you don't listen to me first what I am going to say" – dad

"I don't have to because you already left us for the past 13 years"

"No, I didn't leave you girls. I'm trying my best to make time for you girls, and I don't know how I would excuse myself in the meeting just to talk to my precious daughter because I really wanting to spend time with my little girls, but I couldn't when things are complicated here in the company" – dad

"Did you just say precious daughter?" this is insane, how could he even say that?

"You know how much I want to be with you and Abigail, but my schedule is full and I couldn't cancel any of my meeting. I hope you understand that Alexis" – dad

"Is that so? I never thought of you asking to understand your situation dad but have you ever understood what I feel?"

"I don't want to hear anything from you dad. And now you ask MJ to work for you then what? To let him tell you everything I do and check on me! Is that it? How can you be so more pathetic? I didn't hear any other word than but, busy and company. You also ruin my dream and passion ever since I was a kid and now you make my life sick" it made me my heart burst into pain, and I don't know how to hold back myself when my tears can't stop and myself is falling apart. I hold my tears for a bit and try to be strong as much as I could

"Alexis, enough" – dad

"I realized that I don't need a dad like you because I already live my life all alone for 13 years and I'm the only person that Abigail can rely on not you who never been there for us dad. You're the reason why mom died that day, and she keeps waiting for you to hold her, but you didn't come until she said that if she is gone, she will always love you even she didn't get to see before she witnessed the day of her life ends and we couldn't do anything but to witness the pain she been to" it's becoming more painful than I expected it to be but I'm just letting out the burden I had way back then but couldn't even say it more when I should so, I want him to hear everything I'm feeling for the past 13 years

"Alexis, I said that's enough" – dad and now I hear his deep breath then the sound of crying. Did I hurt him that much by the words I have said? I'm losing out of control again and I can't even think quite for a while to be more careful, but the burden is in me, and I only need to say what inside my mind

"You can never be the same person that we always expected to be, and you cause her so much struggle. Mom loves you more than anyone else in her life, but did you love her that much?" now I say it to him so that he would feel even guilty because all those years he was never by our side at times when we need him

"Stop it now alexis! I've heard enough of it and I'm truly sorry about it" – dad

"No dad, I won't because I want to realize what you did to us, and they ask my forgiveness because I won't even forgive you no matter how many times you talk and beg. See? You're mad because you feel guilty with everything. You don't know how I feel anxious and depress for the past 13 years of my life and I got bullied in middle school. Also, the day you didn't believe me at all even I already explained and tell you the truth, but you still sided on that playing victim than your own daughter who suffer and struggle studying on that school! But the only person who protected me is Alesha and no other than that"

"What? You got bullied?" – dad

"Give me a break, you're not even aware of it dad because you're always busy on your work"

"I'm asking you a question Alexis, you got bullied?" – dad and why do I need to tell you when you're not even around when I needed you the most, but you are full of excuses which I'm tired of listening to it all over again

"You know what dad? You're too selfish, I'm disgusted by you and I'm just wasting my time. This conversation has no sense at all. I don' t know why you ask MJ to work for you when you can handle it on your own. I guess you could ask him about what I am doing and so that you'll be updated all the time. Don't worry, I'll block his number once I'm done"

"Alexis Mendez! You young lady! Have some manners! I'm still your dad and you need to respect me because I'm asking you a question" – dad

"Well, you are indeed my dad, but you're not there for us. How can you yourself a father?"

"ALEXIS MENDEZ!" – dad

"See? You're getting mad and asking me if I got bullied? You don't know anything at all on what happening to us because you only focus to your company which it is more important to you than your family who's been waiting for you to come home, eat together and go out to spend time together in a beach. But the father presence is not there and will never be! What else can I expect from you? Please stop trying so hard to talk to me just because you feel like you want to. You already lost all the precious time that you should have done in that 13 years, but you weren't there for us" I had enough of this, and I don't want to share anything to him because he's not even worth of my time

"Alexis, you never told me any of your problem and I have no idea how much I want to talk to you" – dad

"Because you never asked dad!"

"Do you really love only mommy or is there someone else?"

"You have no idea how much I love you, Alesha, Abigail and your mom. I did everything for you and then you asked me such a question that you didn't you already hurt someone feeling. Are you serious Alexis?" – dad

"You're right I don't have any idea because since mommy disappeared, you're no longer by our side, when we need you so much, but you didn't even think of us or even giving some time to spend with us"

"You're right, we had no idea because we never felt it and you never showed us the love we need" I added and my tears dripping which I feel so much pain when I can't hold back my grudge because it's so hard for him to set things right and full of himself that he always think that we can handle it on our own but we still need him by our side.

"I hope just died instead of mom"

"I hope you didn't mean that Alexis"

"Well I do, I wish you could just die or had an accident" that is the last thing I said then end the call which I throw my phone away because I feel suffocated with everything I said, and my anxiety has been triggered and I don't know what to do anymore which I feel like giving up already and my whole state of mind today is lost because of what's happening to me. I just cry in the corner and start think where did my life went wrong? How could this kind of situation be happening? Would I be able to surpass it? Maybe I should just play some music here and make some time for myself to have peace of mind then forget everything