Chapter 3

"I can't help you if you won't open up to me Levi" my doctor said

He is Dr. Akiyama, my psychiatrist . My father finally sent me here, after attempting to kill myself for the third time. First , he found me at the balcony of my room while my wrist is bleeding. Second, I hung myself in my room, and my great step mom saw me.And recently, I tried to commit suicide on a hospital.

"Doc I'm fine, I can deal with this on my own" I replied

"Then I'm afraid I have to hold you here for a few months" he said. I rolled my eyes heavenward.

"I will not let you go until I am sure that you're fine and you're not stubborn to take your

medication" he added

I don't need any medication! I am not sick, I'm just hurt and besides I am the one who does not want to be cured so why bother to trouble themselves talking to me?

They're just wasting their

time.

After realizing that I don't want his presence, he just let me go back to my room. He gave me another medications that I need to take everyday. I can't get a hold of it because there are nurses who constantly checks my medicines and my food. This place sucks!

"Someone wants to see you" my nurse said

I want to tell her that I don't want to see whoever my visitor is, but I'm quite sure it's dad, so I just agreed. But when I reached the visiting area, I saw someone else. It's his secretary or should I say, it's his wife.To be honest,  I was expecting that it might be Annie. I thought that she will come to see me and try to fix us,  but I was wrong, after that day, I never heard anything from her. I guess it was really over for us.

She smiled at me the moment she saw me. Of all the people that will come to see me, why her?

"What are you doing here Don't tell me you want to play as my mother now?" I said at her stopping her from opening her mouth

"Look Levi, I really care about you and I truly see you as my own son. I don't want to see you in this situation" she said as she tried to hold my hand

"If you really care about me, and if it really pains you to see me like this, then leave my dad and my family alone." I firmly replied

"I'm afraid I can't do that" she said and then she looked down on the ground.

Stop acting like I am the villain here!

"I know what we did is selfishness, but it's your mother's request. She already know about me and your father for along time, that's why she asked me to take care of you and your father" she

explained

"Well, maybe my father does need you, but I don't" I replied

She looked pained and hurt but I don't care. I am much more in pain than she is, and no matter what she do, she can't bring my mother back. I stood up and walk away from her. I heard her calling me, but I didn't gave her any attention. I go to the mini park inside the institution and sat under a manggo tree. I closed my eyes and

savor the breezing air, it helps me calm my mind.

"What do you want?!"

I opened my eyes for a moment when I heard the voice from my back. It's Dr.  Akiyama's voice,  he's talking to someone, on the other side of the tree. I just closed my eyes back, I don't want to interfere with his business.

"I'm just checking on you" the other voice replied

"Seriously? I know you Aiden,  what do you want? " I heard Dr. Akiyama said it with an annoyed voice

" Are you reading my mind? " the other voice said it teasingly

" Aiden,  I am a psychiatrist not a mind reader, you idiot! Now tell me what you want? "

"Nothing, I just want to visit you because I missed you" The other voice replied.

My eyebrows arched as I heard that.

The other voice was from a guy, is he Dr. Akiyama's boyfriend? Is he gay?

"Do you want me to call the guards, and have you drag out? "

" Hehe, I just want to ask you if you found me a unit? "

" Why are you in such a hurry?  Can't you wait for the class to start ? You know you can bring your girlfriend at my place, right? " Dr.  Akiyama said

I know it's not good to eavesdrop , but I can't help it. They're too loud.

"We already broke up okay?  She doesn't want me anymore and I also don't want to push myself to her" the other voice replied.

Trust me dude,  I know how it feels.

"So that's the main reason why you're here. How about, let's talk about it? " I heard Dr. Akiyama's voice

My eyes are still closed, but I can still hear them.

"Naaaahh,  maybe later tonight at home. But for now,  focus on your patients"

" Are you sure? "

I didn't hear any response from the other guy,  that's why, I am assuming that he just nodded.

"Okay if you say so. Just make yourself comfortable here,  and wait for me. Let's go home together"

Then I heard footsteps, leaving.  Finally, a moment of silence.

.

"Why are you here?" I frowned  when I heard him asked. I slowly open my eyes and was about to turn to him, but I flinched in an instant when I realized how close his face on mine.

"What is wrong with you? " I asked out of irritation.

He just shrugged his shoulders and lean at me even closer.  My ears instantly heated,  because of our proximity.

"If you're not a psychiatrist then I won't tell you" I answered, hoping that it will shoo him off.

"You know it's good to tell secrets to strangers because you don't have to be anxious that they

will judge you" he said, as he lean back and rested his back on the tree. I noticed the eyes that were on us,  or should I say on him.

I remained silent, to inform him that I'm not interested in having a new acquaintance, having a new friend either.

He just looked  at me then smiled.

"You don't looked like you have burdens in you, so I don't understand why you're here" He said.

It's because I've learned to keep my expressions away, to hide what I feel. I don't want any pity from anyone.

I looked up at the sky and then stood up and walk away without looking back even if he kept on calling me.

I don't want to be here anymore, I want to be with you mom. I looked up and then I let my feet lead me to where it will take me.

I hear someone's screaming and they were all panicking.

"Get down there please!" my doctor shouted

I was standing on the roof edge of there habilitation building. I've been here for a couple of months now. My father send me here because he said, he was worried about me, if I know he was just sick of being with his son who is emotionally unstable. He's probably thinking that it's

better to be on a honey moon with his new wife than with his son.

"Come on Levi!We can talk about this, just let me hear you!" Dr. Akiyama said.

I looked down.

I guess this height is enough to kill me if I fall from here to there.

I looked back at the sunset. Well at least I had a glimpse of the sunset before I sleep for eternity. I'm already tired of this shit

life. It's too tiring already.

"Hey! Levi right?"

I quickly turned to the person who called me. It's him again. He's carefully taking his time towards me.

"You know it's dangerous here" I said as I sat comfortably on the roof edge while letting my feet hang in the air.

"You know that too" he replied and sat beside me

We were silent for about a minute.

"What are you doing here?" I finally asked him, when he sat beside me.

"I'm stopping you from jumping off this roof" he honestly replied

I examined him carefully. He's not a psychiatrist and he's also not a patient here.

"How about you What are you doing here?" He asked and then smiled at me

"Well, I was about to jump when you came" I sarcastically said

"I like your honesty" he said as he looked at the sunset.

Then we stayed in silence until the sunset end.

"I don't know what you're going through, since you didn't answer my question  earlier, but I'm certain that it's too painful for you, that you

would choose to end it the easiest way and I'm quite sure that you know, that it's not the right solution to it" he said and looked at me.

I looked at him, before I answered him.

"What makes you say that?You don't know me" I replied

"I know but I'm sure you're a good person" he said

"No good person would want to kill himself" I commented

"You're not killing yourself, you're just killing the pain" then he looked at me straight in the eye

"Sometimes pain push us to do things without thinking it first. It's just that, when pain started to

embrace us, it will keep pulling us down where darkness is everywhere. You're letting it to defeat you"he added

"Because I'm a loser. I can't fight back, it's too over whelming" I said and looked down

I saw doctor Akiyama, he's looking at us. Is he there the whole time?

"You know Levi, you're not alone. They're still people who's willing to pull you out of the darkness, you just got to let them." I looked at him. I can see the sincerity in his eyes.

"There are people that still wants to fight with you, don't shut them out. Maybe they can do something for you" he said, I looked at the sky, and kept silent

"Society and reality are cruel but that doesn't mean that you have to be cruel to yourself too. You can't just give upon yourself. How can the world, the society and the reality fight for you if in the first place you're the one who give up first?" then he looked up at the sky too

"Someone from above gave us our lives, and we have the right to fight for it. Don't locked

yourself inside a four corner room filled with darkness and pain, you deserve to be happy. You should fight for it." he said

This time I was looking at him. Finally, I'm hearing the words that I need to hear even if I'm not opening myself up to him.

Then he suddenly stood up.

"I got to go. I have to meet my mom tonight." he said and slowly walked away but before he

reached the attic window he looked back at me

"Don't treat your life as a curse because if you do, then everyday will be a curse. I just hope I will see you soon when you're all fixed up and you can put a genuine smile on your face" he said and

smile,  then he went back inside the attic.

I shut my eyes tightly and breath the evening air. A tear made its way from my cheeks, then I looked up at the evening sky.

I guess I won't be joining you tonight mom.