Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Cameran -

I was confused.

We had been getting along so well.

While watching a movie last night, Mimi came out.

Dani held me in her lap, so gently, whispering silly things in my ear to go along with the movie.

She fixed me a bubble bath, and played with me until my skin was wrinkled.

It was so nice.

When I was taking pills, I stayed little, I guess as a way to dull out reality.

Daddy hadn't really nurtured Mimi in a long time, not truly.

He would put on my movies, and let me sit in his lap, or pretend to be excited over a picture I would color.

He used to surprise me, with little things, all the time.

A new outfit for dress up, new toys for being good, special bubble bath that turned the water purple or pink.

Dani though, made me feel safe, like he used to.

With her, I could be little, because I was happy, and I knew it was ok, it wasn’t to dull anything out, it was because it felt nice.

I was free.

I didn’t have to do or be anything, but I was free to be however I wanted, or needed.

It was just confusing, the way she acted like we were together, then said she hated herself for wanting me.

‘Why would you hate yourself, for wanting me? Did I do something that wasn't ok? Is something wrong, with me?’

Dani: ‘Because I never broke up with my baby girl, just like you didn't break up with your Daddy, they just died.’

‘I haven't seen the man I loved in a year. Dani, I've basically been high that long. I miss the guy I fell for, but he was gone long before you showed up.’

Dani: ‘He should have taken better care of you, like I should have taken better care of her. She died, in my arms, I was holding her. I should have never let her touch that trash.’

‘I understand feeling that, but does that make it wrong? Dani I feel like you're my hero, who swooped in and saved me. Then, you turn out to be even more incredible than I could ever imagine. To me it feels like fate, or destiny.’

Dani: ‘To me it feels like a test, like I have to do better, I have to make up for my failings.’

‘You think that means you can't find happiness?’

Dani: ‘Honestly, part of me feels like I'm doomed to go on alone, as dramatic as that seems.’

‘You're not alone though Dani, you're right here, with me.’

Dani: ‘And that's only because I went after your Daddy.’

‘You know what your boss said, he had a stroke, he killed himself. If you hadn't been there, it would have still happened, and I would have been all alone. Could you imagine, the state of mind I was in, finding my Daddy dead?’

Dani: ‘I don't want to.’

‘Dani it scares me, but I was so dead in my head space, I would have gone after my pills, and there's no telling what would have happened to me. You saved me Dani. Can't you see that?’

Dani: ‘My head won't go past what happens when I screw up.’

‘But what if you don't? Dani, you make me feel safe, in a way I haven't in a long time. You helped me get over a habit that ran my life for the past year, but you said it was over, and it was. You give me a security I can't describe. Do you know how special it is, for me to be Mimi, when I'm sober? I can’t tell you how long it's been since it happened.’

Dani: ‘I meant what said, I want you. You bring out feelings in me that have been buried since I had to bury her. Being with you though, it's that good kind of high, there's no substance needed. You make me happy. Mimi makes me feel so incredible as a Mommy, how she trusts me, and is so comfortable. You Cameran, you are sweet, and sexy, and honestly give me butterflies when you flirt with me. It all seems too good, like it can't actually be this perfect. I feel like I'll just mess things up, if I even try, I can't mess up for someone else.’

‘Then let me be the one to mess up.’

I reached around the back of her neck and pulled her to kiss me.