I Feel Like It's Pretty Pathetic

(Damon's POV)

I drove from Tipton Enterprises to the office where the therapist was located. I had my first appointment today and I was already dreading it. Opening up about feelings and personal trauma wasn't exactly my thing. I honestly had hoped that maybe this damned medication would be enough but it wasn't. I still had moments where I had to struggle to control myself.

It was mainly when I was alone or at work. At home I made sure I was as calm as could be. Kaydence didn't need the added stress. And well, there was just something about holding Scarlett in my arms that seemed to calm me down. I didn't feel as bad at home as I once did. It was like the mansion had become my happy place.

I pulled into the parking lot and parked my black BMW. I stepped out of the car and headed inside. I attempted to make sure no one else saw me. The last thing I wanted to deal with was possible reporters seeing me walk in here. Damon Tipton seeing a therapist would be a big story for them to try to get. However even if some reporter tried I'd give them reason to change their minds.

"Hello." The receptionist greeted me with a pleasant smile on her face.

"I have an appointment with Dr. Gordon." I spoke once I had approached her desk.

"Damon Tipton?" She looked up at me to confirm.

"Yes." I responded flatly.

"Have a seat and he'll be with you momentarily." She smiled once more.

I turned around to take a seat. I could feel the receptionist's eyes still on me. I knew what she was doing. It was common for women to let their eyes linger longer than necessary. I just always ignored it. Except with Kaydence, feeling her eyes on me always seemed to send some excitement through my body. It had been like that since the day we met.

I waited patiently for a few minutes for the therapist to be ready for me. I checked a few emails to clear out some business as I waited. The door to the office opened and a man stepped out. "Come on in Mr. Tipton." he spoke to get my attention.

"Thanks." I responded as I made my way into the office.

"Welcome Mr. Tipton. I'm glad you could join me today." The therapist, Dr. Gordon greeted me as I came into his office. He was a man in his forties with hair that was a mix of black and grey. He wore a pair of glasses as well and our height was about the same.

"Thank you." I responded as I shook his hand and then took a seat in the chair across from him.

"Dr. Henrie had sent over a few details about your case. I reviewed it and I do agree with him. I think this twelve week program will definitely help your situation." Dr. Gordon informed me.

"Yeah. Can we just get started please?" I asked. I already didn't want to be here and I thought about backing out of it numerous times. But I forced myself to come to the first session today.

"Dr. Henrie informed me that you had been prescribed some medication. Have you been taking it?" Dr. Gordon began to go into the questions.

"Yes. I've been taking it as directed." I answered honestly.

"And how has the medication been for you? Has it helped improve things for you?" He looked at me as he waited for my answer.

"It has helped. It's allowed me to put my wife and children first, especially right now with the adjustment of a new baby." I stated.

"Ah, a new baby? Congratulations Mr. Tipton." Dr. Gordon gave me a smile.

"Thank you." I nodded.

"Well I'm glad that the medication has been working for you. It's important that we keep checking in on that incase we need to look into the dosage you're on." Dr. Gordon proceeded to look at the papers on his clipboard.

"I don't like it if I'm being honest." I sighed.

"What do you mean?" He looked up at me curiously.

"Being on medication. I fucking hate it. The fact I have to take a pill daily to make sure I don't lose it on anyone, I feel like it's pretty pathetic honestly."

"I'm not surprised. It's actually fairly common for people to feel this way." Dr. Gordon acknowledged my words. "The bright side is that after this program you should be able to have a lower dose or you'll be completely off of them."

"So what do I need to do then? What exactly is the goal for today's appointment?" I wasn't here to talk about this medication. I just wanted to get this started so I can get back to normal sooner rather than later.

"Well for today I want to work with you on psychoeducation regarding post traumatic stress disorder along with thoughts and emotions. The goal is to get become more aware of the thoughts and emotions behind your case. Then we can maybe pinpoint the thoughts that are triggering the PTSD symptoms." Dr. Gordon explained.

"And how do we do that?" I asked

"I want you to write an impact statement." He handed over a pen and paper to me. "I want you to detail your current understanding of the situation. For example, I want to know why you think the event happened. I want to know how it's impacted your view on yourself, those around you and even how it's affected your view of the world." Dr. Gordon explained further.

"You want me to just write things?" I scoffed. "That seems like a waste of time, no offense. If this is all you were wanting to do you could've sent me an email instead of wasting my time." I began to stand up from the chair I sat in.

"An email isn't as effective Mr. Tipton. I think it's important to meet my patients face to face before we get into the treatment plan." Dr. Gordon responded.

I walked to the door of the room but Dr. Gordon spoke before I exited. "I can tell you're not necessarily here for yourself Mr. Tipton. Before you walk out of that door I want you to think about the loved ones you had in mind when you came into my office. You mentioned your wife in children. They're your reason aren't they?"

"Yes." I responded as I took in his words.

"I can't force you to stay here." Dr. Gordon spoke once more. "I just want you to think about it before you walk out of that door."

I let out a defeated sigh. This was for my family after all. It was only twelve weeks and that would hopefully fly by quickly. I turned around and sat back on the chair. I took the paper and pencil in my hands. I then proceeded to write down all the things he had asked of me. "Let's just get this over with."