chapter 12: Beggining

Any kind of action leads to a different reaction. Every single move we make leads to an outcome no one can predict nor guess. There are millions of possibilities in were our life is headed. There are so many changes that could happen in just a blink of an eye. Consequences that will arrive without you knowing. It's the x factor in this life. The variable that is constant and no one can change because it is change it self. Not knowing the outcome is one of the mysteries and life. And what makes us human. That's why not knowing how my life can change is something I wasn't hopeful for. Because for seven years I've been hoping and overthinking about the same thing all over and over again. Now here I am experiencing the unexpected a change that was unforseen for me.

It all happened that day. I got a text from Ana asking me if we could meet up. It was nothing out of the ordinary. But for the first time I was stood up. She didn't come. I texted her. But she said. "Sorry it's too weird for me now how about tommorow". Tommorow came and she didn't come again. Days passed not a call or a text from her. Which was weird. We've been seeing each other a lot lately. And her not texting me to meet up is not right. That's why for once I'm the one who reached out and ask if we could meet. I texted her "Hey can we meet up just want to talk". She replied and said where to meet and what time. When I got there I saw her about to leave. I don't know what are her reasons. But this time. I'm not letting her go. I need to know why is she avoiding me. That's why I grabbed her hand once more and told her. "You're here let's go". While we we're walking she was quiet. Not even looking at me or anything. That's why I stopped and ask her.

"If I did something wrong I'm sorry. But can you please look at me"

"You did nothing wrong" she said in quiet voice.

"Well if that's the case here".

She looked at me and smiled

"What's this?"

"An ice cream obviously they say sweets especially ice cream can cheer someone up I was thinking it might cheer you up"

"Thanks"

This was all thought of. Which is something not me but I did it. You see I know we will meet up again and again. That's why for days I've been having this weird simulations in my mind to train myself how to act when I'm with her. This was one of those things I did on my simulation. And maybe just one of the things I want to do with her. Just eat ice cream with the person I want to be with.

"Now can you please tell me what's wrong?"

"Well I can't tell you yet but maybe tomorrow"

What's with her and tommorow. It's not like she'll remember. But I don't have choice.

"Ok sure but please don't look down let's have fun today. I haven't seen you in a while".

Being with her slowly is making realize. I am changing. Before I never want to spend time outside. Talking to vendors and being in crowded places makes me feel anxious. But meeting with her this couple of days. Makes me not afraid of people. Well she maybe the only one I'm interacting with. But it's a development or so I think. I never realized before but being with her gives me a whole lot of courage to speak my mind. That day we just had fun. Walk and went to playground and enjoy as if the day wasn't going to end. As if tommorow she'd remember everything we have done today

"Thanks" she said

"For what?"

"You know for today I've been stressed out since this morning but because of the ice cream I've felt better so thanks"

"Anytime, I hope we could do this again"

"I hope so too, well goodbye"

"Can you actually rephrase that?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well saying goodbye kinds of scares me"

"About what?"

"About not being able to see you again. That's why instead of saying goodbye can you say. See you again soon."

She smiled at me and said

"Sorry bout that sure see you soon"

"That's better see you"

This was the first conversation and day I had with her. Where I didn't fear anything. I just enjoyed being with her without thinking of saying my feelings or about her not remembering me the next day.

Then something happen. She texted me.

"Can we meet I need to talk to you?"

My first reaction at this is what is this going to be about. Did I do something wrong or something else. That's why I hurried and meet with her. Upon meeting she asked me.

"To me your a stranger each time we met. My mind has no recollection of you or anything. I only know you from what I read. Which is something weird and unbelievable"

Well that was the truth but it kind of hurts hearing it from her directly.

"But even so why does this couple of times we meet I kept on writing about you. And each day I always write the same three words again and again."

What just happened? What did she just said?

"Wait up. What do you mean?"

"See for yourself every last page of every entry of my journal this couple of days have been ending the same way. About you making me happy. About you writing this poems for me. That always makes my heart flutter. And it always ends with the phrase. I like you. Which is weird. How can I fall in love with a stranger for me everytime. That's why tell me what have we been actually because either I exaggerate what I write in this or this is not me."

Hold up that was a lot of information even for me. Those sentences that she just said. Everything that I just heard made me so very happy.

"I don't know. All I know is every time we meet is for me meeting not a stranger. But a friend that whom I care for."

"Then tell me something. What do you feel about me? Because if in each time we meet I fall for you. I can at least know what you feel"

This was it a moment that I wasn't prepare for. An outcome that I wished to happen but not like this. Because I don't know if I have the strength to tell her what I actually feel.

"Uhm"

"Come on tell me"

This is it. I either tell her everything or dodge the question. Everything could change in just a few spouts of sentences.

"Well here's the deal. This is what I know. We meet on the bridge and since then my life has change. But we got separated for seven years. Since then my life was monotone. Black and white. The same routine all over and over again. Then one day when I thought things couldn't change. I suddenly met you again. Then my life goes through changes once more. At first I was confused on what to feel. But being with you makes one thing clear. That all this time. All the moments we had are still clear in my mind. That's because I cherish them all. And also because Ana I love you"

There it is the flat out truth in which I don't know how she'd react. But when I looked at her face. I just saw her shocked but she seems happy. Then what's next was something that confused me. She come near me. I couldn't move. But there she was. Something unbelievable has happened. A moment that even if I didn't have hyperthymesia I was sure to remember. She kissed me. The moment of your first kiss is something you can't forget. But after that she just smiled at me and left. In which I don't know why.

"Wait"

I wanted to stopped her from leaving. But she actually just walked away. It left me confused on what does it all meant. If tommorow she'll remember what she did. Because I sure am will. When I got home. I keep on thinking about it. I texted her but she didn't reply even once. But everything is so raw and confusing. That's why I did what I always did. I write. That's why I texted her this

Again and again

Every day with you is a new beginning

A first meeting

And every time no matter if it's repeating

It will never get tiring

Because the sight of you smiling

Is something I always hope seeing

That I wish I am the one causing

For your heart being happy and fluttering

I always have loved you

But I didn't know what to do

I only did was hoped and continue

Then after a few

Here we actually are

The person I thought to be so far

The one I wish upon a star

Is right here I'm waiting here for a reply for about an hour

I'll just be here everyday

Even if you choose this feelings to go away

That would be ok

But let me see you even on just some days

Because that's all I want to attain

Even if I'm left with pain

Even if my feelings go to vain

All I want is to see you again and again

That is all I ever wanted. I never asked if my feelings could be returned. If I can be remembered. Though I always hope for that. But deep down right now I realized all this time. I didn't wish to be remembered. I only wish to see her again and again. To be the one making her smile even just on most days. To be the person that will remove her frowning face. Because she looks more beautiful when she is smiling. I don't know what would come next. What would be the outcome of everything that is happening. All I know is what ever happens. I want to see her again. Whatever happens I'll be here waiting. Because that's all that I could do. Right now I can't say nothing has changed. Because everything feels different. I feel more brave each day. Right now all I'm thinking is when I can see her again. I guess this was not about reaching the outcome or my ending. This is only my start. A start in which I don't know what would happen. But I know things would be different. Because this is either my or maybe if I'm lucky our begining.