Chapter 13: Which am I?

In every love story ever written there is always two protagonists. A male and a female. A prince and a princess. No matter what sorts of characters they are. There are always this two main characters who are destined to meet each other. That as the plot flows. They always end up together. No matter the conflict or the problem. But on every love story sometimes there's that third character. That third person who's going to make things complicated and hard. He or she is what you call the rival of the protagonist. In which they have no fault at all. Because they only have something that is natural to all humans. That is having feelings. It's not their fault for falling in love with the main character who's destined to be for another. It's not their fault for being hopeful that they can be the person who's going to hold the hand of the protagonist forever.

You see the role of the rival. Or the third person on every love triangle is cruel. Because even if their feelings are as strong as the protagonist they never end up with girl. Because you can't rewrite a plot. It just ends up the same way all over and over again. Even if you hope to be the understudy. You just cant. Because your role as the rival. Can never the same as the protagonist.

For days after that kiss. I've been reading a lot of romance. I'm not the romantic type. But I kind of need it for reference. And also Valentine's is kind of coming. My boss is asking me to write something romantic for once. Instead of my usual sad, and sometimes evil and plot twist entries in the news paper. I never once have been a romantic. That is what I thought. But as I look back to the poems I've written and recited for Ana. Then on I realized I was a corny and romantic guy. A side of me that I never knew I had. Still this days have been the same. Expect the moments where I just end up smiling and staring into nothing when I remember that we kissed. Can't blame me. It's my first kiss so what can I do. Then again still I'm thinking maybe right now Ana can't even remember what happened. There are moments were I wonder if she wrote it in her journal. But I can't ask her. Because she hasn't been returning my texts for a while. Also I can't master up the courage to go to her place. Maybe it's because of the kiss. Maybe if I go to her place and hope that might lead to a future with her scares me. Because if it doesn't come true I'll just be miserable once again.

That's why right now all I'm doing is waiting. And basically figuring out what to do and what to write for our Valentine's edition poem. I tried writing some drafts. But you see it ends up being cringey and corny. There's that one draft where that sounds like this.

"Roses are red violets are blue

I just can't help feeling blue

And not knowing what to do

Without you"

Corny right? You see my point it's just to different to what I'm used to. That's why I have to think of something deep yet will sound romantic. Since that's sort of the style that I've been emphasizing since I started writing in the newspaper. You see I love words with deep meanings. Since I almost spend most of my time alone. When I was in college that's all I ever did. Read the dictionary. Yeah sounds boring. But it was my way to pass the time and widen my vocabulary.

After a while a suddenly got a text. But it wasn't for Ana. It was from John. Asking to meet up and talk. Well I don't know what this is all about. But I'm curious on what he has to say and maybe I can ask him how's Ana.

We meet up at a coffee shop

"Hey, so how are you?" Said John

"Fine but what's this all about"

"I wanted to talk to you in a while now. I know you and Ana have been meeting often this past few weeks"

"So what about it?"

"Let me get straight to the point. For years I've taken care of her. Since we were kids I've cared and love her. You only met her by accident and also she can never recall you from her memories. I've done a lot for her. Yet here you are."

"What do you mean?"

"You only met up again after seven years and here you are trying to be part of her life. When you know ever since then she can never remember you at all. That's why I want to talk to you. I want to know what are your intentions. I ask you back then if you liked her but you never said it to me straight. That's why right now I'm asking you again. Knowing that Ana wont remember you at all. What's your deal? What can you get out of being with her on days that is for her the first time you met? Tell me?"

He was certainly right. Back then I wasn't brave enough to tell him an answer. Yet right now. I think I can. Because maybe I should stop being scared for once. I already let go of her once. And it got me nowhere. It just lead me to seven years of nothingness and hoping that we could meet again. Right now we could but I need to do something about it.

"If that's all you wanted to know. That's simple. Ever since the day we met. I liked Ana. And ever since then before she even left and got sperated from me for seven years up to now. I have loved Ana. I know she'll never remember me. Nor like you been there the longest. But still I don't care. I'm thankful that you were there for her. But sorry to say that no matter what your opinions are. Ana is the only one who can decide. Yeah maybe the odds are not in my favor. But if there is even a chance I'll take it. Because I admit. For the past seven years up to know. I love Ana. That's all there is to it."

Its weird but John smiled at me. I don't know why.

*Then good. It's good to know that at least there's another person like you looking out for her and loving her. I'm not mad at you or anything. I don't think of you as a rival. But I just want to protect her. You're right about one thing. It's not up to us to decide who she ends up with. Because even with short term memory she's still just a girl with his own free will"

Well this was shocking all this time I thought John was just a boastful guy but I was wrong. He is a decent man who's been there for Ana all these years.

" Thank you also for being there for her, but can I ask you a question?"

"Sure bro what is it?"

"I haven't been in touch with Ana lately do you know what she's been upto, your her boyfriend right you must know?"

"Well actually first of all I'm not her actual boyfriend we don't have labels. She just calls me that since I'm a boy and she thinks of me as the only friend she'll ever make since I'm the only one she can remembers."

Woah that's an actual relief for me.

"But if your wondering where she is go to the park she is there right now. Talk to her."

"But how do you know she's there?"

"Well you know since we were highschool she has a tendency to get lost that's why I always keep on track on her location on my phone"

"Smart, well thanks again"

"Sure your welcome Joseph"

So there I was on my way to meet her. But when I got there things ended the way I wasn't expecting. Because she recognized me. But also I know from her journal. But then she gave a letter. Saying this.

Dear Joseph

From my journal I know we have been spending a lot of time. And when I read about it. I just feel so happy. But I know it's going to be hard for us if we keep on meeting. Because I can never remember you. Me and John we've been discussing this for a while. Since I get lost all the time. I decided to get admitted into an institute for people who has memory disorders. That's why we can't see each other again. Because even if I like what I read and be happy cause of it. I don't want to hold you back. I don't want to hurt you by being close to me. And making you hope that I will remember you someday. Because you see there is no chance at that. There are days where I go to a doctor and ask them that. But every time they answer the same. Due to damage my temporal lobe has its just impossible. My short term memory is something I always have to live with. And I can't neglect everything that John has done for me. That's why I can't see you and me ending up together. John is the only one for me. That's why I'm sorry. If I made you hope that I will remember you. But I just can't that's why. Even if you want to see me again. We can't. Sorry. But no more see you again. Because this will probably my goodbye.

Sincerely

Ana.

What did I just read? Is this actually true? What am I supposed to do now. After reading that letter my mind went blank. Then I suddenly break down. When I snapped out of it. I looked at my surroundings and once again was afraid. A guy touched me and asked me what was wrong. But I quickly run away from him because I was scared. My social anxiety has come back and being in this park with a crowd was a bad place for me. When I got home all I did was cry. Without even trying to reach out to Ana. Without asking John if it was the truth. All I did was cry. Then after crying I did what I always do write.

Love story

Where everything seems to be happy

No room for feeling crappy

Because here all may sounds sappy

And a little bit corny

But everything here is magic

No space for being tragic

It doesn't actually even require logic

Nor explanations that are specific

Here is a place where one things clear

That there is nothing to fear

As long as you have to love you hold dear

Close to you and near

No room for tragedy

Just romance and comedy

Along with music and melody

Yet I wonder when will be my own love story?

Because if Ana wasn't really the protagonist in my love story. Then who is? Also I'm thinking all this time what am I? Was I actually the rival of John who was not destined for Ana because she was? Because like all the books and movies that I watch. Most of the rivals of the protagonist always ends up hoping then being miserable. That's why is that what currently happening to me? Did I hope for a future with her then ended up like this? I'm again bombarded by these million questions I can't answer. Lost in the whirpool of thoughts that is slowly carrying my sanity into the abyss because all this time I hope to be the protagonist. The main character. But actually I didn't know who was I. That's why right now let me ask this to know if I'm the protagonist or just the rival. Ana which am I?