Chapter 15: Right thing

A thin line exists between the doing what's right and what's not. An invisible line that you don't even know you have crossed. Because you see as you walk down your path you thread a way with land mines in which one wrong step things could blow up. Consequences could erupt and so many things could change. That is how life has been. Yet sometimes you get lucky. Your able to step without accidentally hitting a landmine. Still those are just rare moments. Because in reality wherever you step some disapproves. You can never please everyone because we all have different sorts of judgment, opinions and perspective. Maybe in your point of view what your doing is right but on other people's eyes your making a mistake. Yet you'll never know unless you already see the result, if it was successful and beneficial to you then maybe you did what's right. But if it opened more problems then you make a mistake. Other than that there are many still variables that affects this, factors like method of execution. Because you may have chosen the right decision but acted upon it the non proper way still makes it a mistake.

I know that sounds confusing but basically the whole point of this that in between right and wrong there is a thin line. A line which I don't know weather I'm about to cross or not. I didn't actually know what had happened over the past month. The last thing I remember was me being hit by a car trying to save Ana then everything went black. Yet before I become unconscious I saw Ana's face sobbing and crying. I've been comatose for a month. In that one month doctors says that I'm lucky since I only got a few broken bones and I didn't get any brain damage even if I hit my head. They also say that my parents visit every once and a while. And sometimes a girl who they say always gets lost on her way to my room. Which sounds like Ana, I woke up today without any idea what has change. Still thinking that could this be a dream or something. After some hours upon waking up, my parents came to visit.

"Thank God you're finally awake" Said my mom

Well their not the ones I wanted to see the moment I wake up. Still I'm a bit happy knowing that they cared and actually came to visit me.

"Yep just a one month sleep was enough" I said awkwardly I didn't really know why I said that but maybe cause of the medicines I'm taking. Because the doctors kind of said that I could feel drowsy and maybe have trouble thinking straight due to the medicine

"Good to see you again, how you feeling" said dad

" A little bit drowsy and sleepy at the moment but otherwise fine I guess."

"That's good to here. Well do you need anything"

"Well nothing right now but could you get me a newspaper and also I think I need some more rest"

"Ok then here's your newspaper and I guess will let you rest some more"

"Thanks guys"

Well I just need to check if I still have a job that's why the first thing I asked for was a newspaper to see if my boss actually replaced me over this past month. I was surprised to see that my boss didn't get any replacement. Because according to the newspaper coming back soon with new poems. Well that's a bit corny but I'm glad my boss waited for me to be ok. After that I grabbed my phone and started thinking about what happen. Also weather to text Ana and say that I'm ok or just write a new poem to send to my boss. I dozed off for a couple of minutes. I was about to wake up when I heard her voice

"Is he already awake"

"Yes a minute ago he was but he is sleeping right now" said the nurse"

"Can I wait inside so I can talk to him when he wakes up"

"Sure go on right ahead" said the nurse

She went in I don't know what exactly to do. That's why even I was awake I pretended to be asleep. Then after that she started talking.

"I really don't know how many times I've visited you in this hospital. Because to me this still feels like the first. I know from my journal you are very important to me. That's why I always write as a reminder to visit you again tomorrow. I maybe forgetful and have doubts whether to go or not still I always do. It sucks though not being able to talk to you. To continue to visit you here without actually being able to talk to you, to meet you and know the reason why I continue to visit you. Still I'm happy knowing that I could talk to you soon that after this nap I can finally meet you. Though I know I won't remember you."

All what she said was touching then someone came in my room to ruin everything, to make me realize once more that this could never work.

"Is he awake?" said John

"Not yet" said Ana

"Well maybe you can meet with him tomorrow because visiting hours is almost over and I need to drive you back to the institute"

"Just a few more minutes"

"Ok sure"

Again I realized that he is the only one for him. The person who can fully take care of him everyday because of their connection. Rather than me who will be a stranger to him every single day. That's why I woke up. Then talked to her, but I did something that I thought would be the right thing to do. I made up a lie. I make things up. Something that is new to me.

"Hey who are you?" I said

"it's me Ana"

"Who? Sorry because I hit my head hard on the accident I had and the doctors said my memory might have been damaged and had caused a temporary amnesia"

"What do you mean? You can't remember me?"

"Yeah sorry about that but I don't have any idea who you are"

"Ah I see sorry to bother you then"

Then she smiled at me then didn't said a word after that. she just left without even forcing me to remember her. I never expected for this to happen. The next day she still came. And asked me I could remember her now. Then after asking that question and answering that I still don't know her. She just leaves without another word. One day she came and gave me a book. I asked her.

"What is this?"

Even though I recognized clearly what she handed to me.

"It's a book or maybe just a draft that you wrote or maybe still writing because when I read it there's no ending"

Where did she get this. Suddenly here I was holding the draft I made about our unfinished love story.

"What is this for? And where did you get it?"

"it may help you remember some things. I got it when the doctor asked me to get some of your necessities from your apartment while I was looking I saw this and kind of took it with me to read. Sorry for going through your stuff without any permission"

I was really shocked knowing that she had read this already but I cant even ask her opinion about this especially now that I'm pretending to have an amnesia. After reading my book all I said to her was I still can't remember everything then she left again. I don't know how long can I keep up this lie. I'm about to be discharge soon and I don't know whether to keep this up or not. I don't even know if this is actually the what's good for the both of us. Because I feel heavy cause of everything. Seeing her everyday leaving with a sad look in her face hurts me. It feels like I'm running away from something that I can't quite point out nor understand. I'm confused, sad and hurt seeing the girl I love have to go through that. Just because of a lie I'm carrying and also from my judgment of thinking this is what's best. I couldn't set my mind right that's why I do what I always do again write.

Thin line

Between right and wrong

There's a line that exist for so long

A line that's been always there all along

But it's a tight rope and not that strong

That's why tread lightly

Because in a life full of uncertainty

And change happens constantly

What comes next is hard to foresee

You may be able to do what's right

Yet you still lost the fight

Even if you think about it all night

It's hard to know what is really right

Since everything you do leads to something

A place that leads to over thinking

Relentless of what is happening

Positive or negative it all leads to nothing

Because you see even if you do fine

In the path your walking there is a land mine

One wrong stop can make fate decline

Because between right and wrong there is this thin line

I don't know what to do now? I'm even struggling when it comes to finding the words to write. Something I never have since what I write tends to be always what I truly feel. I'm confused I think I'm doing what's best but why does it feel like this. Why does it feel so heavy and wrong for me. The day when I was getting discharge Ana didn't visit, yet John came wanting to talk me. A visitor I thought I won't see especially seeing he never visited me along with Ana. Then after that things got shaky. John said he wanted to talk but then he punched me.

"What the heck do you think your doing" he said after punching me.

I didn't know what he meant by that. But after talking to him. I realized what am I doing. Was it really the right thing….